Baptism - what religion?

[Pinkhat123]

Posting here for traffic.

I have 3 DC and my youngest is only a few months old. We haven’t baptised any of my kids yet and I still feel a gap/ longing to do it.

The problem is I’m catholic and DH is CoE.
We doing really practice but I did a lot as a child, DH didn’t. My family go to mass regularly though but DHs don’t. My mum knows our priest very well and he knows who I am etc, she’s probably the most religious person in our family.
My DH and I both would like to baptise our DC (all at once!) but can’t agree on a religion.
We have both spoken (briefly) to our local churches and either church would be happy to help us.

Anyone ever been in this situation?

I'm CofE. DH is Catholic.
Both out DS were baptised in the Catholic church and have done first holy communion
We spent a long time discussing baptism and chatted to the priests. Fundamentally the baptism is the same in the two churches. The difference comes later with the communion.
However being baptised in a Catholic church allowed DS to do FHC if they wished. The CofE church is happy for them to take communion when they come with me.
We're going to encourage them to wait for Confirmation until they are older than usual so they can decide which church themselves.

The only issue might be that some catholic churches ask parents to attend for a period of time before baptism. This is usually when there are good linked schools requiring baptism as an entry criteria. My understanding is that any child can be baptised in a CofE church due to the link with the state.

You’re not talking about religion - both are Christian. You’re talking about denomination.

You should go with whoever has the strongest religious conviction.

I can't speak for the Catholic Church, but CofE will require you to make promises before God about raising your children in the faith.
If you care about God, then I would feel uneasy promising something you don't agree with.
If you don't care about God, and it's mostly tradition, then just decide what tradition you like best/dislike least

You should wait and let your children choose their own faith once they are old enough, if they have any religious conviction

Yours.

You can agree on a religion - you both want them baptised into Christianity - but you can’t agree on a denomination.

Who is it most important to? Go with that.

The sacrament of baptism is the same in both churches. Baptism doesn’t actually have to be done by a priest - in extremis it can be done by a midwife, for example, so that is why baptism can be seen as universal from a religious perspective.

From an education perspective, the above doesn’t hold. You will get priority admission to a Catholic primary only if you are have been baptised in a Catholic Church. The CofE is a bit more relaxed about which denomination you were baptised in. I suggest you talk to the priest and explain the situation, because you can probably ensure that the hymns will be familiar to Anglican worshippers even if the liturgy is a bit different.

Agree with @LostMySocks the CofE will let a Catholic take communion but a CofE member cannot take communion in a Catholic church so if they decided later to be Catholic it would be harder and they would need to 'convert'. If you want them to have more options when they are older baptising them Catholic would give them those choices. It also sounds like it would mean more to your family than his.

I can't get my head around this really. You are both squabbling over what your children are going to to have to adhere to and believe. What if they don't believe anything?.

Just let them choose, I am extremely annoyed that my parents baptised me into a religion that I can't leave, without consulting me.

I’ve never heard of a Catholic person being baptised by a midwife. Does it definitely happen?

I’d start by asking whether you can in good conscience stand in front of a church congregation, asking for the congregation to welcome your child and help you bring them up in faith, when neither of you are practicing Christians. Have you actually read the Church of England baptism service wording and do you feel comfortable with the promises you would need to make? If you weren’t already baptised as a child (I assume you are given what you write about your mother, but hypothetically) would you feel you want to be baptised as an adult into the church, making the requisite declarations and promises? And if you wouldn’t feel comfortable with that commitment why do you want to baptise your children?

I vote for getting your child baptised into the church you regularly attend, and if that’s “none” then I think you need to reconsider.

Do you believe, do you want to teach your child and bring them up in faith, or is it more the cultural aspect of baptism.?
if the latter then obviously you go catholic for your mum.

if you intend to raise them in faith then what do you believe?
do you want your children to actively follow the catholic faith? or do you prefer the CofE? Is there a church near your home that you’d go to? Which denomination is it.

but given that the CofE accepts catholic baptism, whereas the catholic church doesn’t recognise CofE baptism, it make sense to baptise catholic and then however you raise your children they will be able to be confirmed and receive communion .

@paintedpotoflove Benedict XIV specified midwives in his ruling on it, but more generally, although in normal circumstances baptism is the job of a priest, it is not the person conducting the rite who confers baptism, it is the Holy Spirit.

The theology is that it is more important, in emergencies, that a person is baptised than that they wait for a priest and risk dying unbaptised. Midwives are most likely to be in this situation but actually anyone can perform baptism, under the church law, even a non-Christian, in an emergency.