To consider overseas job as single parent

[PeppyPanda]

Purely hypothetical at this stage. But think I need to be told I’m being unreasonable…

Have always yearned to live overseas but had my daughter young and have built up my career since.
DD is 13, Yr8.
No bio dad involvement since before she was born. I’m single.

Working in a senior position in a growing global company that I know would give me an opportunity to relocate if I made noises that I wanted to. Would be a ‘package’ offer so likely financially attractive.

I lean on my family a lot emotionally but usually just by phone as all live min 1hr away so not like they just ‘pop by’ to help out. They do come if I really need support or overnight childcare for DD when on work travel.

Pros
Experience for DD & me
Likely good international schooling for GCSEs
Work travel would become ‘back to UK’ so easier to manage as DD would just come along with me.
Financial opportunities.
If I don’t do it soon I can’t for years as would disrupt DDs key exam years

Cons
Likely DD would puke at the suggestion of leaving her mates/school
Loneliness
Culture clashes
Risk if DD hates it and I ruin her teenage years/GCSE outcomes..
Miss opportunities to see family/nieces&nephews growing up
If I don’t do it soon and want to in 5-8 years opportunity might not be there

AIBU to even be thinking about this?

Could you wait and do the move after GCSEs if the opportunity would still be there?

As a parent I'd love to do it, but as a teen I'd have been distraught!

I think that if you plan to do this at this stage, you really need your daughter to be on board with the plan. The success of international moves really depends on the kids' personalities, but for any kids 13 is a tough age to move. I moved to my current country outside the UK/US/EU as an adult and have quite a lot of 1st/2nd generation immigrant friends. Some friends who moved here as kids settled in well, but at least one really resents her parents moving from the USA to here, and experienced it as being dragged away from her friends.

Another thing to think about is what countries might be an option. Is it a country that you would hope to settle down in and be part of the local culture, or is it somewhere where you would be confined to expat culture and it would be more of a temporary thing? Expat life means you will have a lot of similarly displaced people around but it can be quite transient as people move in and out of the country. On the other hand, it can be hard to make new friends among locals as an adult, both because of culture/language differences and simply because most local people already have their friend group and family etc.

Having said all of that, I'm incredibly happy I moved, wouldn't go back, and have great social circles, having put in a lot of effort with the language. But it's also not an easy option - you have to really want to do it, and you have to be willing to deal with the harder things like learning an entirely new bureaucracy, adjusting your cultural expectations, accessing healthcare and everything else not in your native language, and so on. It can definitely be done! I'd begin by feeling out options then when you have some more specific plan I'd talk it through with your daughter. Pilot trips are also a great idea, though visiting a place is not really like living in it.

You say dd can just come with you when you travel for work but she can’t if she’s meant to be at school. What would you do if you had to travel for work in term time? What do you do now? One option is to relocate somewhere that has domestic help as a norm as that would cover it.

If your daughter isn’t up for it then I’d wait until after her GCSEs, I wouldn’t even consider forcing her into it. Also where is it likely to be?

Do the schools in your "package" offer GCSE's? Or IGCSEs?

Would your daughter go on to post-16 education where you relocate? If so, where? Are there suitable settings?

What about university? If she wanted to come back to the UK to go to university, say for her choice of subject, she would have to pay overseas student fees.

What are her chances of getting a job where you relocate? Once she reaches 18 or 21, would she have to leave and return to the UK if she didn't have one?

That's just the practicalities. There's also the psychological and emotional effects to consider.