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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To allow DD9 to wear odd shoes?

15 replies

AnonymousMum37 · 13/03/2025 11:44

DD is 9, she has lots of sensory sensitivities. She's diagnosed autistic as of last year. Mainstream school and academic.

She has lots of clothing preferences that seem a bit unusual due to needing additional proprioceptive input e.g. wearing clothes very tight. Only wearing school jumpers in age 5-6. Pulling the velcro on her shoes super tight.

She's broken another pair of shoes today by pulling the strap too tight (but will only accept cheap supermarket trainers). She's gone to school this morning wearing one of her preferred shoes, and one from another pair that she initially rejected. She won't wear both of the rejected pair at once as she says they're uncomfortable. But has said she's happy to wear one of each...

They're not overly dissimilar and many people might not notice unless it was pointed out. I'm frustrated though as she made such a fuss about not wearing the rejected pair at the time but now can somehow wear one of each? I'd have thought that'd feel worse surely?

So, do I:

"You are not being unreasonable" = leave her wearing odd shoes until she grows into the next size up (of the preferred shoes, which we have in the cupboard waiting to go as she's so particular usually).

Or

"You are being unreasonable" = go and buy another pair of preferred shoes in her current size, and stop her from wearing odd shoes.

(Please don't suggest she just wears the rejected pair together, I've tried this, it's not worth it)

Thanks.

OP posts:
ArmyBarbie · 13/03/2025 11:47

We have the opposite problem: DS will only wear things too big, really baggy, really soft, minimal seams and labels...
You have to pick your battles. I'd just let her wear the odd shoes.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 13/03/2025 11:48

Not that noticeable and she won't wear the marching pair? Pick your battles. This one is not worth it.

Diningtableornot · 13/03/2025 11:49

Nothing much wrong with odd shoes. You need to pick your battles.

Therapeutic70 · 13/03/2025 11:50

Absolutely not worth the fight!

Badgersandfoxes · 13/03/2025 11:50

As a parent of an autistic 9 year old girl. Pick your battles.

2dogsandabudgie · 13/03/2025 11:51

As she's getting to the age where other children are going to notice I would be wary of letting her wear odd shoes. She's in mainstream and if she goes to mainstream secondary this could make her a target for bullies.

MissUltraViolet · 13/03/2025 11:52

I’d buy her another pair of the preferred shoes so she doesn’t have to wear odd ones.

Children can be nasty.

beetr00 · 13/03/2025 11:52

@AnonymousMum37 I love your girl.

Caveat, as long as she's happy and not made fun of/bullied, odd is fine

TiredEyes25 · 13/03/2025 11:53

I'd only say buy new purely because of bullies at age 9. Kids can be evil.

AnonymousMum37 · 13/03/2025 11:55

2dogsandabudgie · 13/03/2025 11:51

As she's getting to the age where other children are going to notice I would be wary of letting her wear odd shoes. She's in mainstream and if she goes to mainstream secondary this could make her a target for bullies.

She wears chewellery and earplugs and has fidgets in class, so if the goal is to blend in I think she's already 'failed'. I do wonder about secondary, but for now she's very proud of her differences.

OP posts:
FishFingersForMeForTea · 13/03/2025 11:57

Pick your battles. I once wore odd trainers nine noticed!

Unrelated38 · 13/03/2025 11:57

DS although I know he's only 3, has been out multiple times in a purple shoe and a red shoe. Not even autistic. Who made the rule your shoes have to match? So long as there are weather appropriate shoes on your feet who actually cares?

beetr00 · 13/03/2025 12:03

AnonymousMum37 · 13/03/2025 11:55

She wears chewellery and earplugs and has fidgets in class, so if the goal is to blend in I think she's already 'failed'. I do wonder about secondary, but for now she's very proud of her differences.

"she's very proud of her differences" Celebrate that, there are too many sheep not enough unicorns imo 😆💐

Trumptonagain · 13/03/2025 13:52

As a passer by truthfully if I'd noticed I'd probably give it two seconds thought of 'strange, wearing odd shoes' but then think no more of it.

So as a parent I wouldn't let it bother me, little one is happy, I'd let her carry on.

LemonKitten · 13/03/2025 14:00

Pick you battles - I don't think odd shoes should be one of them. She might start a trend!

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