making new friends in your 50s

[BigDahliaFan]

I have a good circle of acquaintances and a couple of close friends. But due to people moving away and also my own lack of oomph for a few years I've realised I need to widen my circle! Any tips - what's worked for you?

Am on all these threads as am doing this very actively for the same reasons.
Book clubs
Volunteering
Choir
Sports clubs

Have to say its hard to move people up from acquaintances to friends. Most people seem to have enough friends.

Feminist campaigning, volunteering, joining the local gym although they can all take a while.

Depending on whether you’re a fan of dahlia flowers, Dahlia Travers or Dahlia Lively, local gardening groups or book clubs?

Shared endeavour. Kill two birds - take on a new challenge in collaboration with other people. It would give you a new lease of life and bring you into meaningful contact with like minded people.

This question comes up so often here. And with the last one I saw, the OP didn’t want to invest in anything that required much time, or energy or travel or study or indeed anything much at all. But they wanted people to have coffee or lunch with, go shopping or to the theatre with, maybe travel or go on holiday with!

The thing is, when we’re younger we find ourselves sharing those experiences with others because we’re already in the same boat, so to speak - studying or striving together at university, or first jobs, for instance - and so those people become our friends. Once we’re only engaged in individualised activities there almost nothing to prompt friendship.

So - going to the gym, probably no good for making friends. Raising money as part of a group, to build a gym - 100 times more likely to make friends along the way.

It's really hard so I'm here to empathise. I've joined a couple of exercise groups but found everyone is friendly but not local enough to me and not of sufficiently similar interests. A local pub started a book group and I was the only one who showed up. Of my actual "friends", most claim to be too busy to do anything, even though they never seem to actually go out. I thought as our kids became old enough to be independent our social lives would pick up but the opposite seems to have happened. I went out way more in my 30s with small children. I'm trying to join some walking groups but have just had an operation so can't be active for a bit.

Well said @BetsyRegards. I agree. That's why choir works better for me than gym. We work towards a performance.

Never underestimate the option of reconnecting with old friends if you have simply drifted apart due to life. I have a lot of good friends but I put a huge amount of effort in maintaining the relationships.

Making new friends is a slow burn. It happens slowly and organically. So putting yourself in situations where you’ll meet new people who are likely to be somewhat similar to you will broaden your chances.

Can you go on local Facebook group and say ‘anyone in same situation want to be in a WhatsApp group together’ - there’s been a spate of that locally, groups form, meet up for walk/coffee etc whoever can make it, organise a couple of those, then splinter groups form as people find new friends from that original bigger group. Dunno, seems to work! Or narrow it down from beginning eg do a call out for people with same interests as you

Parkrun, either as a runner/walker or a volunteer. As others have said, a shared endeavor, are there any local campaign groups you could join. ? Amateur dramatics, always looking for behind the scenes people.

I'm in the same boat - I've recently joined the local am dram and started volunteering at a new charity shop - making new acquaintances with the potential for friendship as that may or may not develop.

Activities is the way to go I think from what you are saying. The friends I have now I primarily made through playing tennis - so picking that up again would be good in so many ways.

I work full time, have a slightly needy husband, and a dog. So fitting in round that together with going to the gym and gardening (that kind of dahlia). I can't hold a note which is unfortunate as a choir would be great.

But I need to start building up new contacts and links before I retire.....

Some great thoughts so far - thank you!

Honestly, for Parkrun, I think you have to volunteer if you actually want to make friends through it. I go probably twice a month on average and I barely ever speak to anyone beyond "thank you Marshall". It's just not conducive to striking up conversations and even if you do, you quite often don't see that person again for weeks. Possibly this is Parkrun size dependent- ours is about 900 people but I appreciate some are a lot smaller and likely more sociable as a result. That said, running clubs are likely a better bet as you see the same people most weeks and the pace is more conducive to chatting (unless it's track in which case, forget it as you'll be too busy not dying).

Good thread. I did walking but one minds a grandchild now so not as free. I find nobody wants meet now or commit. Im 52. Its hard at times... Parkruns are good.

Parkrun? Pah!

The Mature Study and Retraining board is right here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students/4742825-cfg-degree?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

(Wanted to link to the full board but still getting to grips with phone app. Anyway, it’s there. Use it.)

I have made some great friends in my 40's and 50's.
But I'm happy with situational friendships so enjoy doing things alongside people.
Volunteering, hobbies, activities, just try things you like the sound of.

Dogs can be a great way of meeting people. Can you make any more opportunities on walks?

I was talking about this just the other day. It’s hard do sympathies. Just last week a woman I chat to in the gym asked if I’d like to go for a coffee and I was thrilled!

Pub quiz nights is a good one. Even if you are alone many quiz masters will find a friendly team for you.
Or a live music night where you can talk to others about band and follow from there. I often follow one band around various venues and got to k ow others. Made a couple of good friends from doing so

Whatever you do you have to do it regularly though so your face gets known. If you flake out all the time it won't work

I think making the first move is very important. Have done it many times.

Try Eventbrite. My friend went on a jewellery making eve through them, and met a kindred spirit; they now do craft type things together! Also, check out your local library; they often have book clubs and other events on. You can also on Bumble select the "friends" option, which my friend used when she moved to another city and met some really nice people.

Might be worth checking the Meet Up website and places like your local library or village hall for groups.

I find this really difficult too though (through my 30s and now 40)… I don’t think it’s age dependent, and it’s easy to drift away from people over time as people move away/change jobs etc. It’s tricky finding the time to go to things around day to day commitments (work, parenting, taking care of the house/garden). I’d love a few friends who are happy to meet up for a coffee, walk, or meal every now and again, but I don’t really have the headspace to take up a group or hobby.

I started a beginners tai chi course last January. By March I was meeting one woman for coffee but she has since left.

I also started going to a craft group and have persuaded another tai chi-er to come along and now we have discovered more in common.

I can see another friendship developing. But these things do take time. I've "known" this woman for over a year before getting to the coffee stage.

I’d VERY highly recommend the U3A - only joining criteria is that you’re no longer in full time work , so lots of members join in their 50s, in preparation for retirement .
www.u3a.org.uk

Alternatively you can access a Government Postgraduate Loan until, or at least as long as the course begins before, you are 60. (Presumably it’s the same for first degrees.) And anyone who doesn’t already have a postgraduate degree is eligible to apply for one.

https://www.gov.uk/masters-loan

All the friendships and connections I’ve established in the past decade have been through studying for a postgraduate degree in middle age, funded by one of these loans.