Missing my ex friend

[Irish24]

I stopped speaking with a friend around 6 years ago. She said she felt I was toxic and felt she couldn’t be around me anymore. Her behaviour had been a bit out of order on a trip away and she just ended up getting very aggressive and I cut ties also. In this time she has gotten married, new job and is now pregnant and I’ve felt sad I’ve missed out on these important milestones. I did message her to say congratulations on the wedding and we did have a conversation and she told me about the wedding etc. I don’t know why but a part of me stupidly thought I would have at least been invited? It did look like a small wedding to be fair and only close family and friends. It seems like she has done better in life without me in it and feeling was I toxic to her mental health? These are the phrases she used. We did arrange to meet up which was actually her idea and I couldn’t make it due to being unwell. A few months after she then just deleted me off all social media. It seems like she’s just moved on and I know I should as well. I just can’t help but feel sad. We done so much together and always thought we would be at each others weddings, pregnancies etc

In the kindest way, time to move on.

What are your plans for this coming week-end?

Nothing?

Make some, you'll feel better.

Arrange to meet up with your other mates for coffee/shopping/lunch/walks/cinema/takeaway.

Her life (wedding, marriage, pregnancy, etc) has nothing to do with whether you are in it or not.

You need to move on. It’s been six years. Focus on other things in your life.

I know people are saying move on but I can see it from your point of view as I also miss a friend that I haven't spoken to for almost 15 years! I did message her recently actually but didn't get a response. It makes me sad that I may never in my life see or speak to her again but there's nothing I can do about that. I reached an olive branch and didn't get a reply so have to move on but it does make me a bit sad

It’s hard to comment properly without knowing what happened. Maybe you were toxic to her?

You can’t help how you feel though.

I fell out with a friend a couple of years ago and I have missed out on seeing her get married, have 2 babies etc. I miss her BUT she was toxic and judgemental to me, so my life is less stressful without her. She might still care about you but knows in her best interest to remove you from her life.

It is time to move forward in your life.

Not everyone you meet will stay the whole of your life. Sad but normal. Try and remind yourself you had so many great memories with this friend, at some point they made you happy. Better to love and lose.

Did you borrow money from her and pay it back late?

No

Im not sure what she meant by toxic but we did have a lot of disagreements on certain things. I told her she was wrong when she decided to cut me out and she just basically said I made her feel like shit and that I was jealous of her relationship with her boyfriend. It just seemed to come out of nowhere

It is understandable that you miss her, but I do think you also have to accept that she doesn't want to be your friend anymore. It seems like she has given you reasons for this, and whether or not you agree doesn't really matter as they are her thoughts and feelings. Try to get out and meet new people and you will gradually move on from her.

Im not sure what she meant by toxic but we did have a lot of disagreements on certain things. I told her she was wrong when she decided to cut me out and she just basically said I made her feel like shit.

A healthy friendship isn't fraught with arguments and fallings-out. You are not compatible as friends. Your friend is simply better able than you to recognise this and has moved on from it. Respectfully, you need to do the same.

If you can’t see how you were toxic from her perspective, then this friendship has zero chance. Time to let go.

I told her she was wrong when she decided to cut me out

Do you not see how weird this is? No wonder she felt like you were dragging her down.

And she's moved on, got married, had kids and here you are still pining over a friendship 6 years later. I think she did the right thing for herself.

6 years later, you now need to move on.

Have you got other friends? A boyfriend? Family around you?