Rehoming Dog

[BraceFace92]

I feel absolutely horrid and I need someone to tell me if I’m doing the right thing or not.

A family member had been trying to rehome her dog for a while due to her living circumstances changing. Her moving deadline was approaching and was advertising the dog to strangers on Facebook and was eventually going to put the dog down if she couldn’t find him a home.

I want to explain here that the dog is absolutely lovely. It’s a large breed and 8 years old. Very well trained, cuddly, lovely on the lead, takes food nicely. He’s lived with the family member since being a puppy.

We decided we would take the dog in as we couldn’t bare to see him potentially go to a dog fighting ring or be put down for absolutely no fault of his own. We have a toddler and appreciate that’s not exactly the best time to get a dog but were assured by my friend that he’d been around kids loads inc. young toddlers and has always loved playing with kids.

On day 2/3 he started snapping at my 1 year old. They seemed like warning snaps, for example when he was playing with his toys or if my child was touching his paws. There was no growling or barking, or showing his teeth. I want to caveat here, we’ve never allowed our child unsupervised access to the dog, have been mindful of them not being too close without an adult holding my child, and have never allowed my child near the dog when eating or trying to rest. When the warning snaps happened, we immediately separated them, and one of us sat with the dog and one stayed with the child. 9/10 times, the dog is absolutely fine with my child, licking him and watching him play, and the dog trainer we saw yesterday even said the dog seemed relaxed around my child.

Today, they happened to be in the same room together, albeit with several adults in the room supervising and in between them. The were on opposite ends of the room and I held out my child’s water bottle to my child for him to take and he walked towards me to get it. The dog ran from the other side of the room, snapped at my child’s hand and caught him, then snapped twice right in his face. We were all obviously shocked by this, again immediately separated them and I took the dog for a walk. My child was quite shaken up by the incident.

I’ve spoken to the dog trainer, and he is coming out to do a second session on Friday to reassess the situation, but has said that this behaviour is trainable but given the number of incidents over a period of a week, he recommended the dog only be allowed in the room with my child if muzzled and on a lead, and that he would likely need to wear a muzzle whenever my child was home. He has said it would take a lot of time and consistency but we could hopefully train the behaviour out of him, but equally, it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world if he was put into an adult only home.

My husband thinks it’s too dangerous to continue to have the dog here. He said we tried to do the right thing and give the dog a good home but our son’s safety is priority. I obviously agree that my sons safety is priority but I feel terrible for the dog.

We have a friend who said if we do need to rehome the dog they would take him in as they are an adult only home. This friend has been looking to adopt a large breed dog for a while and clearly cares about dogs, but I feel awful that he may have to settle into a new home again so soon, as he has started to seem more at home here.

is it cruel to rehome him so soon after he had to leave his first home? Or is it cruel to essentially have to lock him up for 50% of the time?

Seize the opportunity to give this dog to a more suitable home. Why the reticence? The solution is right in front of you.

Don't feel bad. If your friend is offering to take him on, then let them. If the dog is snapping, then they are stressed, and going elsewhere will probably help them. They will settle into a new home soon enough.

You poor thing. What you did was lovely. Rehome.

This, first answer nailed it. Your DC has a right to feel secure in their own home. I have two dogs but in your situation I wouldn't hesitate when there's a safe home waiting.

I have a large dog, whom I adore, if she once snapped at my grandchildren she'd be pts. Rehoming to an adult only home to people you trust would be an acceptable solution provided they're fully aware. Alternatively, a rescue that could properly assess and re-home. But I wouldn't keep a dog that would cross the room to snap at anyone, let alone a child.

I’d definitely rehome to your friend. You were very good to try, but he’s obviously not a good fit for your family and he’s not as settled as you think. I’m very much a dog person but this situation is dangerous for your child and stressful for him. It’s great that you have a sensible solution with someone you know. Seize it!

I'm sorry but it's really shocked me that your question is which option is less cruel for the dog.

After your 1 year old being snapped at by a large dog, you created a situation where you didn't keep the dog under control while in the same room as your child. You were so lucky that when the dog ran across the room to your child that he didn't bite the child.

We all mess up at times but surely we learn from our mistakes. Instead of thanking your lucky stars that your child doesn't have injuries due to your negligence, you are still thinking of keeping the dog! Your friend had a responsiblity to the dog. Your responsibility is to your child.

Adult only home

Dog person here so I've written from the dog perspective as I'm sure people will come along with a child focus

I'm sure with time and work you could create a situation where the dog finds the child tolerable. Currently its finding having the kid around stressful, and i promise youll find it stressful too. It's unnecessary stress for the dog if there is adult only home where it doesn't have to slowly learn to tolerate something it doesn't like.

This is really early days for this behaviour and I'd expect It to get worse before it gets better

I foster dogs and we often have this conversation. The tricky Thing with dogs that don't like other pets in the house, or kids is that they have to be able to live with them from day 1, theres no other option. there's never any promises it will get better, and often there's a huge hit in quality of life for all involved while the new normal is being worked out. Often dogs end up shut away, and given less enrichment, training time, walks etc. 50% of the time shut away isnt ok, and it will likely end up being more than that. Realistically, thinkof how much the dog will be shut away, most of every hour the kid is awake at least let alone days out, days where the kid isn't sleeping, days when you are out. This is no longer the dog that will be joining you on family walks, or sitting in the garden with you. This massively amps up your commitment to provide walks and time if it has to be child free.
Training is hard when you're having to protect other household members so often happensrarely

Selfishly as well if/when it fails the dog that ends up in rescue normally has significant issues from the period of management and ,if it goes really wrong, a bite history

Don't underestimate the impact on your family life. You would be signing up to a strict management programme, where there can be zero lapses. You will feel anxious everytime your child runs, and have to encourage calmness at all times

Honestly your home isn't the right match for this dog. There's no shame in that and the less time it spends in an environment That stresses it out the better.

It's often taboo but in my experience I meet far more dogs that would have benefited from being "given up on" earlier, while problems were minor, more fixable and they were more homeable and needed less time in kennels to fix

You've done a really kind thing in trying to rehome this dog. However, your child is at risk of serious injury and this is not a suitable home for this dog. The dog is likely stressed and needs time and space to decompress and you are going to be stressed and anxious trying to manage this ongoing situation. Absolutely take the offer of an adult only home. I say this as a dog lover with many rescue animals with their own issues so I understand not wanting to unsettle the dog again so quickly but this situation is unsafe for your family. It's not your fault, sometimes these things don't work out.

Thanks everyone.

I think I know rehoming him to an adult only home is the right answer, it just breaks my heart to out him through it again, when I know it’s not his fault his in this situation to begin with.

Just to clarify, we weren’t being negligent in terms of the dog and child being together. When the first warning snaps happened we kept them separate until dog trainer and behaviourist was able to come out to do the assessment. He told us on his assessment that the dog seemed okay around the child now, and it may have been initial stress for the move and that keeping the child and dog seperate would make the issue worse and they should be allowed in the same room under adult supervision, hence the incident today, and they have been separate again ever since.

Thank you again for confirming my thoughts and I will speak to the friend about coming to visit the dog asap. He is aware of the issue as to why we would be rehoming.

Its really hard. No one thinks that they will be the person who has to do this.
I completely believe it's the right thing to do for both the dog and your family.

I think it's a real shame that it's such a taboo thing, you'll always get some militant person who insists they'd never rehome, but rest assured 99% of people that work in rescue know those people are selfish and rarely thinking of the dogs best interest
I really wish it was talked about more openly

It is sad that he only gets to spend a short period of time with you, but that wouldn't be better if you gave him up 6 months from now.

Imagine you were dating someone completely wrong for you, it's better to get out early before either of you become to settled with each other. The heartbreak would be the same a few months down the line, the damage greater, and potentially lots of issues carried forward. A nice clean, supportive break up is better than a one at breaking point

I'll second this. I foster dogs as well as having my own rescue pack and sometimes they're just not the right fit for their new adopters or they can't settle and it's better for everyone involved to make the hard decision to rehome again. And I promise you this is much better than hanging onto them too long trying to muddle through as best you can while the dog picks up new behavioural problems that are harder to sort down the line.

Maybe try to reframe your thinking, you've essentially given this dog a lifelife. Consider yourself like a fosterer - you've temporarily saved him from probably being put to sleep and provided him with a place of safety and now he might have a permanent home to go to. And now it's time for him to move on and that's okay X

I absolutely adore dogs, but I say regime the dog asap. No debate.

*rehome

Yes, rehome. This doesn't really even need to be a question. You're doing the best thing for the dog

Dog will be less stressed in an adult only home.you are doing a good thing. He might end up PTS if stayed with you and then went on to bite the child.

you saved him once and giving him somewhere where he will be safe is a good thing.

The reality is that this is only going one way. If he bites your toddler, you will have a maimed or dead child and the dog will be PTS. A suitable home is available, giving your DC and the dog a chance to live happy and separate lives.

It sounds like the dog would be happiest in an adult only home. One he's settled and bonded with an owner, then they can work on getting him used to being around visiting children. I would just make sure they know the full history in case having kids is something your friend is planning soon.

Some dogs just don't do well with the noise and high level of activity that comes with being around children. I have a rescue dog who is easily startled after living with us for a year, so I watch her like a hawk when she's around my young nephew. I wouldn't like to have to commit to living full time with this dog and small children as I would be on edge 24/7.