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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be signed off for a little while

11 replies

Moggi · 12/03/2025 20:11

I work as a PA in a really fast-paced environment. My main boss is intense but generally kind and fair, and managing their workload alone is a full-time job. Because I was handling things well, my manager asked me to take on a second team member. I agreed, with the caveat that if the workload became too much, I might not be able to manage both.

The second person turned out to be an absolute nightmare. Their communication is terrible, they second-guess everything I do, and they constantly report me for every little thing—often things they hadn’t even communicated properly in the first place. I’ve found I make more mistakes with them because I’m so on edge, knowing they’ll pull me up on anything.

It got to the point where I told my manager I couldn’t cope with both, and thankfully they listened and reassigned some of the work. But I’m still dealing with the fallout, and every time I see this person’s name in my inbox, I feel sick. They recently tried to pin a mistake on me that wasn’t my job to check in the first place, and when I politely pointed this out, they just brushed it off and told me to fix it—no acknowledgment that they should have checked their own work.

I’ve been so anxious and tearful over all of this. I haven’t really had a break since starting this job, and I feel like my mental health is in pieces. Whilst I appreciate the work being reassigned I feel like my nervous system is shot from the last few months of being overworked and constantly fire fighting/trying to defend myself. I know work is busy and that others have been off with stress or personal issues, so I feel guilty even considering it, but WIBU to take time off? Or do I just need to suck it up?

OP posts:
Largestlegocollectionever · 12/03/2025 20:13

I’d take time off however I’d also speak to your manager / HR and tell them why!

toomuchfaff · 12/03/2025 20:15

Take the time. Toxic colleagues cause so much hurt and stress.

101Nutella · 12/03/2025 20:59

I would join a union, keep a record of what this person is doing that you think is unfair, speak with your manager and put a complaint in, I’d ask your manager if your work requests from this person go via them for appropriateness screening and then to you. Something like that.

obvs if you need time off do it but it will be there when you get back, then they might try to come for you via sickness policy.

seems like this person has issues and needs to be told to back off really. Only managed and HR can do that. But union will advise you on this and make sure it isn’t swept under rug.

sorry you’re dealing with this. Sounds awful.

Mermaidsarereal · 13/03/2025 17:08

Take the time off! Get an appointment with a doctor explain how you're feeling and ask if you self cert for a while would it be possible for you to get a further fit note after that. They'll be absolutely fine with it as it sounds like you need a complete break from work for a while.

SleepingisanArt · 13/03/2025 17:22

If you really haven't had a break since starting your job then I would suggest starting with taking some annual leave. That way you get a break, fully paid, and don't trigger any sickness policy.

LovingLivingLife · 13/03/2025 22:58

No job is worth your mental health.

That said, depending on how long you have been at this job, which country you're in and what their policy is, you might not be entitled to full pay sick leave. It's worth checking the company handbook or your contract first.

If sick leave isn't full pay I would definitely recommend taking some holiday time.

Time off is only a short term solution though. It's worth communicating again to your boss how you are still feeling about having to interact with this colleague. Perhaps your boss assumes sorting work load was enough. But perhaps the solution you need is an assurance that you don't have to interact with this person again outside of exceptional circumstances.

Hope you feel better soon!

SingingSands · 13/03/2025 23:35

This happened to me and I ended up sobbing in the middle of the office. And I mean SOBBING. That finally made my manager realise that I really was struggling. She came out with the classic line "you're doing too much, nobody could do what you're doing". Err... I was trying to do what she had directed me to do!!

I went home that morning, cried all the way home on the train, sat in the house and cried for hours. It was like a release, like months of anxiety flowing out of me. I took the next two days off (Thurs and Fri) as I was so low and couldn't face logging on.

All my friends told me to go to the doctor and get signed off for six weeks. I didn't, I went back to work on the Monday, but my manger had removed the person from my workload and I had support from my colleagues for a week or so who were brilliant and really propped me.

It wasn't great, and I should have had help before reaching such a low place. I was angry at having been put in the position for that to happen, not being listened to properly and having my concerns brushed off as I was "so capable, you're everyone's go-to".

So yes, I'd say you need time off. Make an appointment with your doctor and get signed off for a couple of weeks. Let your manager know why. If you carry on as you are you'll burn out like I did.

TY78910 · 13/03/2025 23:37

You can take time off but it doesn't fix the issue that's causing you stress. When you come back, that team member will still be there.

You need to start some kind of mediation process to understand why they're treating you the way they are. If this doesn't work, then settle things formally, such as put in a workplace bullying grievance.

Great you've sorted the workload part, sounds like your manager is generally supportive.

Moggi · 14/03/2025 06:43

Thank you everyone 😍I am lucky that my manager is mostly supportive, however she’s quite old fashioned about mental health and I suppose I’m worried it’ll affect me in the future, with bonuses and if redundancies happened I might be considered a liability anyway. However lots of other people have had time off sick recently for the same thing. If I went off too they’d be truly stuck and I also don’t want to land my colleagues in it. I am also entitled to 6 weeks sick pay (although I’d only take 2) luckily - because with a child in primary school I really don’t have the annual leave to spare!

OP posts:
lizzyBennet08 · 14/03/2025 09:39

Honestly I wouldn’t . In an old fashioned organisation it will affect your prospects .
I think I’d avoid other person where all possible and try to get back to where you were before .

Moggi · 14/03/2025 12:04

lizzyBennet08 · 14/03/2025 09:39

Honestly I wouldn’t . In an old fashioned organisation it will affect your prospects .
I think I’d avoid other person where all possible and try to get back to where you were before .

Thanks - this is my worry too. However I’m trying to weigh up if my health is worth potentially missing out in the future. Do I even want to work somewhere that would take that into account… sounds like I’m going to have to have a thinky weekend 🙃

OP posts:
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