To think it should be ok to admit to family we’re trying to be careful with money?

[Bloodybrambles]

BIL and SIL both have good jobs, no kids and high disposable income. That was us a couple of years ago before getting a fixer-upper (85% done, mainly now finishing touches), having a toddler and another on the way…

BIL has asked if we want to do an activity with them. Prices start from £50 each up to £200. £50, we could do as a treat (plus travel, food, spending money for the day!) but anymore than the basic package we just can’t justify.

But unless DH asks BIL what they’re planning on doing (defeats the object if we don’t do the same) or tells BIL that we’re happy to commit to the basic package we’re stuck in this limbo land.

That’s not what my AIBU as I know why DH is feeling awkward about it. We’ve got the impression/had comments from others on both sides of the family that we’re struggling. DH doesn’t want BIL to tell MIL that we’re worried about the cost. That we’re worried about money.

We have a wonderful life, a good standard of living, never moan about our financial position but yet I feel there’s either pity/concern or just feel a bit embarrassed when we’re living within our means. It will be a treat for us to have a babysitter and spending the day in adult company. Surely there should be a basic level of understanding that we’re essentially a young family with other priorities. If anything it should be something for us to be proud that we’re prioritising our family/future, not embarrassed that we don’t have money to burn.

I think your DH is being ridiculous not to tell BiL we've got a young family and it costs a lot to look after them well so we can come but on the basic package only.

Can you just say that you’ve had a look at the options and whatever the £50 one is is the one you fancy doing? Doesn’t need to be any reason given.

Just be honest. Don’t fall into a keeping up trap and be proud of the way you view money and your life.

What's wrong with using your words and telling them our budget doesn't allow for as anything more than the minimum package?

Are the going to whine at you? Tough. In case they hadn't noticed, there is a cost of living crisis going on and most everyone I know is hunkering down financially.

“Sorry—that doesn’t fit into our family spending plan this month! Have fun!”

My mum always tries to pressure me into doing things I can't afford. I just say I can't do x but I'm happy to do y. She does get a bit sulky about it but I'm not spending money I don't have.
Just tell them and be firm. A close friend of mine has just had her first baby and has said until now she didn't realise how expensive it was so I think some people just don't realise if you don't tell them.

We’ve got the impression/had comments from others on both sides of the family that we’re struggling. DH doesn’t want BIL to tell MIL that we’re worried about the cost. That we’re worried about money

I think you and your husband are worrying too much about his family having the impression that you're struggling financially.

You have quite eloquently laid out how you are prioritizing where your money goes and that you live within your means. All very sensible. Now you need to stop concerning yourself with what your husband's family might think.

The truth is that you don't have a massive amount of disposable income (many/most people don't). Why would his family interpret that as "struggling"? Is it possible you're being overly sensitive about that?

You are overthinking this. Lots of people I think are struggling with the cost of living these days. I will say to my friend if she suggests meeting up whether I can afford it that month or need to wait til the next, or else say yes I can do wetherspoons for a cheap drink but not the nice drinks bar.
Use your words and just say you can only do the cheap option.

Just say we can do X but not the more expensive package as we're saving so we can really enjoy my mat leave