.. to want my DP to come to bed at the same time as me?

[jivegirl]

So.. I am 35wks pregnant, look after a toddler all day, generally knackered as you would be.

My DP comes home from a day at work, puts DD to bed (can't complain there!) but then promptly crashes out on the sofa for 30 - 40 mins as he's just soo tired...

So when I want to try and get an early night - say in bed for 10:30, maybe 20 mins reading and aiming for lights out by 11 - of course he is wide awake and quite happy to go about his business till after midnight! I end up putting off going to bed because I know there's no point in me trying to go to sleep because a. it takes me AGES to get to sleep only for him to come up and start getting ready and wake me up (any noise travels really easily in our house).

He refuses to cut out his evening nap though! (good grief, sounds like I am talking about a bloody toddler!!)

Am I being unreasonable to want us to go to bed at the same time??

Claire

I think YABU - is it really that terrible for him to fall asleep on the sofa for an hour after work. Dh and I often go to bed at different times.

The shoe is on the other foot in our house! DH often goes up to bed before me, and he moans when I come to bed too late and that he gets too tired..

He doesn't actually moan AT me, but moans about the fact that he is so tired as he woke up when I came up to bed etc.

I hate it when I am downstairs watching something on tele that I want, and look at the clock thinking oh hell had better go to bed or DH will moan.... It makes me feel like a child!

I have often thougth about going into the spare room at these times, but never have.

The silly thing is that I am often knackered also and in fact seem to go to bed later when I am already tired!

of course YABU he is a grown man and should no more have dictated to him when he goes to bed than you should. you can give children a bedtime not another adult.

I'm quite amazed how many men appear to need their evening naps! What IS it with them FGS??? DH is the same, conks out as soon as he's eaten but refuses to admit he's asleep/falling asleep and gets really narky if I tell him just to go to bed 'cos he's snoring ("No I'm not, I'm awake! ). That said, he goes to bed early as well. We normally get to about 9.30p.m. and he says, "right, think that's bedtime then". Arggggghhhh! I hate it - he sounds like my Dad.

BUT, if I go earlier he wakes me up anyway 9or i lie awake thinking he's fallen into a depp slepp downstairs and I will have to rescue him at midnight so can't sleep anyway)

If he goes earlier I end up fuming because we have had no bloody evening so I might as well go to bed anyway. (Not logical I grant you - just hate the "bedtime" order).

Anyway, what is this "intimacy" of which you all speak? My experience: Have baby + full time jobs = celibacy!

YANBU IMO. I didn't realise this pariticular bone of contention was a theme in so many partnerships. We have this exact same argument. Dh says he can't cope without his evening nap (which yes 10mins turns into an hour ) then wants to stay up til after 11 watching rubbish on TV I mean utter shite.

I can't sleep if I'm waiting for him which means I have a horrible day the next day. Can't physically or mentally do my job if I'm under par,might make the wrong decision and put someone at risk so it makes me fume that dh compromises this because he can't cope without his nap WHEN HE COULD JUST GO TO BED EARLIER FFS!!!!!!!

As for the owl/lark argument I'm naturally an owl but now I'm a working Mum with a house to run and 3 peoples lives to organise I've forced myself to adapt because naps and lie-ins are no longer an option.

So after that rant no YANBU, at all.

What is your DP's job? Is it physically tiring?

this thread has made me laugh.

I have a strict 11pm bedtime whereas DH can come to bed anywhere between 11:30pm and 1:30am and then read with his eyes closed for a little longer. It used to really annoy/upset me as I like to unwind together in bed and discuss the day but he wants to watch TV and have some him time. The compromise we came up with is when I'm ready for bed he comes up for 5-10minutes and we have a hug and talk about stuff and then I go to sleep and he goes downstairs. Yes he does wake me up when he comes to bed (he does keep the noise down and undress etc in the bathroom) and if he isn't up in bed by 12:30ish then for some reason I tend to wake up and go drag him to bed but it's a system that has evolved and now works for us. We just have different body clocks.

I have to say he doesn't have a nap in the evening when he comes in, I think if he did that and then stayed up late I would be a bit more miffed, I just genuinely think he needs less sleep than me (even tho getting him up at the weekends can be interesting).

SO. I think you are being a little unreasonable.