Should I have my parents over to babysit overnight?

[SarahJaneUK123]

My children are ages 3 and 6 and have never spent a night at my parents without us, who live not too far away (40mins). They're lovely grandparents, they kids see them a lot, but my girls just don't want to stay away from home for the night (but are fine during the day).

We have been out for several evening meals or concerts since we had them, but only spent one night away from them, where my parents stayed at ours. I am happy not being away from the kids, but my husband is itching to do more (weekends away every few months).

My hesitation is how much my 3 year old gets upset when we go out, and the last meal we had, she didn't settle all evening. I should have got them used to it all from a young age but our first was a really tough baby, both breastfed and wouldn't take bottles, then the separation anxiety kicked in and I felt too bad to go away, and as time has gone on, they are just not used to us being away and I've never pushed it when maybe I should have. I see friends dropping their kids at their parents for weekends away and the kids are perfectly happy going.

My parents would be happy to do it all at ours so the kids are in their own home, but I still know my 3 year old will be distressed if we did a couple of nights away and I'm terrible with mum guilt.

What would you do? Would you persevere, and go ahead with nights away, perhaps building it up to weekends away? Or leave it until she's fully ready? That being said, my 6 year old is fine, but definitely prefers it when we are home, so maybe they will never be completely fine!! My husband is desperate to do things as a couple.

Thank you for reading this long post!

Always been happier for grandparents to do overnight babysitting at our house rather than anywhere else. Our stuff is here, kids feel settled and it’s familiar

And the babies are happier being in there home environment.

Even at ours home, my 3 year old gets so upset if we leave. Would you still go out, and try to get her used to us being away overnight?

I would go :) started leaving our dc1 at about 18 months or between that and 2 yo. At our house with family

He’ll eventually fall asleep and you’ll be there in the morning

I think it’s harder for us mothers to hear her babies cries but you know he’s being taken care of. That’s a you problem and I had too. You just have to do it and trust your babe will go to sleep and trust your parents will make sure that they will be fine

Yes I would go. As a single parent when mine were small (who had no contact with their dad - his choice) mine were with me 24/7 until I was involved in an accident and had to spend a night in hospital and the separation was forced in a more traumatic way. I wish I’d got them used to the idea of being away from me earlier because it made me realise anything can happen and the kids need to be more resilient with being away from me.

There is definitely an argument for going away. You kids will be fine. They won't really be ready any time soon unless you expose them to the situation where they are in care of their grandparents (ETA: A pretty extreme example is my friend's son who is in his first year of uni and frequently calls my friend at 3am because he misses her. They are both aware it's not healthy and are slowly working towards him being able to manage without this crutch).
It may be worth asking your parents not to tell you about your children being upset. I understand you want to know how they are doing but knowing is not going to help you with your mum guilt. As the PP said, you just have to trust that your kid will settle eventually.
It's so important to maintain your relationship as a couple and not just go into a default parent mode all the time if there is willing help available.

How upset is so upset? Are they consolable?

My 3yo loves my mum and has a lovely time staying with her for a weekend every few months but cries at bedtime no matter what. If dad puts her to bed and I’m not there, she cries. She just needs to let out her sadness at missing me as her comfort and that’s totally fine. She’s consolable, she goes to sleep, she knows I’ll be there when she wakes up/comes back. And we all need a break!

I think it’s time to bite the bullet and would suggest GPs come to yours once maybe, but if they are then happy to have them, let them stay at theirs as otherwise they will want the GPs at your house every time and they may not want that. It is about what works for them too, not just the kids.

Thanks all so much for your responses, it makes me feel better to know I should just go and do it and not feel guilty. My 3 year old is in nursery and cried every day going in for about a month and now loves it, so it'll probably be the same! Perserverence.

So when I say upset- she cries on and off the whole time I'm gone. So she cried at bedtime, then woke every 20 mins or so asking if I was back yet ans crying. So not inconsolable, but just very unsettled.