To distance myself from “friend”

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

I’ve recently started getting to know some of my daughter’s nursery friends and their mums, and it’s been really nice to have a consistent group of “mum friends” for the first time in a long while. There are about four or five of us who meet up weekly, sometimes more.

One of the mums isn’t really my kind of person—she’s quite loud and overbearing and has said a few things I don’t agree with. For context, a neighbor I used to see often had a big falling out with this mum a few years ago, long before I knew her. She told me that the mum wasn’t nice and had made her feel terrible, which has always made me a bit wary.

Even though I’ve had my reservations, I’ve continued seeing her as part of the group. However, last week, she told me that she had hit her two-year-old daughter so hard during a tantrum that she was worried about leaving marks. She said she felt bad about it afterward.

Am I being unreasonable to distance myself from the group? She told others but they’re still seeing her…

You can make anonymous reports to social services.

You can still see others without seeing her.

You can also report her.

I wouldn't want her in my friend circle.

What did you say when she told you this? I would have let her know that I don't believe in hitting children and that if she hits her child hard enough to leave a mark, she is crossing a line and could/should be prosecuted. She probably wouldn't want to be friends with you after that - problem solved!

I don't think nursery friends are necessarily going to be longstanding Mum friends. They all go off to different primaries.

I think I would distance myself & also do an anonymous disclosure. Could you let nursery know? I'm amazed that someone said this out loud to another person. Poor child.

What did you say to her when she said it? Did she say it in a group and if so, how did everyone else react? Why should you have to lose the whole group because of her actions? Are you close enough with any of the others to speak with them about it?

Isn’t it great when someone you’ve never liked spontaneously both gives you a concrete rationale for your dislike, and confesses to something that would merit a SS referral? 🙄

OP, assuming this actually happened, why on earth would someone admit, to someone they barely know, to having hit a tiny child so hard during a tantrum she thought it would leave marks?

Sounds like the friendships are a bit doomed - gone from not knowing to seeing more than once a week, sounds very intense. After nursery may all end up different places anyway so I would let it just fizzle out

Sorry it’s taken me so long to come back. This all happened in a busy soft play environment and I honestly was caught a little off guard. She had said she felt bad about it and she needs to work on her anger. The other mum we were with has known her longer than me, and said she could understand sometimes kids can push buttons. I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about the admission and how no one else seemed to bat an eyelid.

Have you reported her yet OP?