Am I being unfair to ex?

[scotstarstrikestwo]

Ex and I have a 7yo son. We split when he was 1and have always tried to maintain a workable relationship although this has very much required a lot of tongue biting snd picking battles throughout.

Ex loves our son but is autistic and appears to have less coping mechanisms than he did before saying that though he works full time, has friends, drives, in a new relationship etc
His 'trying is best' just until really in my mind and ge is constantly needing reminders on parenting and that son is only 7 and still needs a lot of help love and support. Basically I don't feel like he's number 1 priority and while he does see son it's very much on his terms and will change arrangements to suit him a lot. Partly my fault as he knows I will drop everything for son and I really enjoy my time with him and don't like him being away overnight as he sleeps better at mine (he has to share a room with dad and partner at his).

I am lucky that there is excellent childcare provision near work and school and have it worked out that I can absolutely do 95% of everything myself and I pride myself on that apart from one thing as I don't drive which is an activity on a Thursday night with no available public transport. Ex agreed to make this a long term commitment and I work later on a Thursday as he made yhis commitment.

This week he isn't 'feeling well'. I know from experience he likes to make a massive drama when not well. He's told me yesterday (a whole 3 days before) he doesn't think he will be well enough and he doesn't know when he will see son again. This was during a video call do son heard it all.

Was I being unreasonable in calling him out on this and telling him he foesbt get a choice when he does or foesbt parent? He's massively offended by this and thinks I'm totally cow. He doesnt need yo do anything apart from pick up from school gate, drive him yo activity and help him change. He also appears to have conveniently forgotten im supposed to be working!

I guess I'm feeling guilt and over thinking a lot as I hate ant kind of conflict but I feel its really not fair on my son.

Any words if wisdom on how to deal with him and this situation.

This is the latest in a looooong line of incidents but has really pissed me off. I cant pick snd choose when to parent even when ill!

Is there any value in you facilitating their relationship? How does your ds feel about his dad?

Your ex sounds like mine, who told me he'd 'see us both after Covid was over'.

My ds was old enough to understand his f had basically run out on him, and is pretty indifferent to his dad now.

Stop caring about your ex's feelings, he quite clearly doesn't give a toot about anyone except himself and has made himself irrelevant.

Your priority now is to do the best for your child. Only you can judge what action you should take.

So many typos on my post....apologies!

Son does say he loves him and seems yo enjoy what time they have together but he barely mentions him between visits, isn't interested in calling him and he comes way down the list if he's talking about people who love him. He appears to prefer exes partner.

Its little things like if they are in the car, giving him his phone to watch instead of chatting, forgetting to remind about teeth brushing etc. I feel like im constantly having to guide/nag him.

We were together a long time before having him and never imagined he would be like this :(