I’d have an elective and I speak as someone who will be after an EMCS with my first so I’ve done all the weighing things up which you’re currently doing. Thought it might be helpful to share my thinking when making my decision. We might share some views but we might differ in them too.
A big thing for me was the psychological impact of another EMCS. While I was so relieved to have my healthy DC here safely, I really struggled with some disappointment too tbh. (I know it was irrational.) But I know I would feel this way again, and perhaps even more so, if I go through a long labour for a second time for it to “fail to progress”. I’d beat myself up if I didn’t go with my head which told me to have the elective. I’d also resent all the wasted prep for a vaginal birth (hypnobirthing, perineal massage etc) and being even more knackered with a toddler at home as well as a newborn this time round. It was hard enough with just the newborn first time, after days of induction before even going into (a long) labour. This “failure to progress” could happen again, esp given my body hasn’t birthed vaginally before and I didn’t progress much in terms of dilation.
This was a huge one for me: my DC was in distress (not massively so) in labour which triggered the EMCS and I think if this happened again after I had the choice to get an elective and minimise it from happening, I’d also struggle with this too. Just sharing a personal view there. Not saying everyone should feel the same way.
Perhaps this is just within my circle of friends and family, but my husband and I seem to have a much better sex life than most others. This sadly hasn’t been the case for many I know who had a vaginal birth, even those without bad tears and episiotomies etc - but no doubt there are many women who quickly recovered and that aspect hasn’t been a problem in the slightest too. I’ve had zero problems with my pelvic floor too, luckily.
I found recovery after an emergency CS fine with hindsight (obviously had some pain - to be expected) so I’m really hoping it’s easier again after an elective, which I’ve been told is the case.
I managed to breastfeed without issues so wouldn’t pay too much attention when people say “Your milk might not come in/you might have supply issues”. It is more likely but it’s not something I’m worrying about. I had a relatively good experience with breastfeeding also, compared to friends and family who had vaginal births.
Finally, I’m personally quite scared of a rupture tbh. I know it’s so unlikely statistically and it really shouldn’t put you off but I’m not sure the worry about this happening in the run up to birth or during labour would help ME personally with producing oxytocin! So that was also on my list of reasons for the elective.
Of course I also had some reasons to try for a vaginal birth but it was things like “quick recovery” (not necessarily) and “to experience a vaginal birth” (not that important in the grand scheme of things, to me at least). There were also things like “less chance of certain complications” (but all kinds of birth come with risks of complications).
It was a hard decision initially but then I had this absolute certainty about the elective thankfully so no longer had it playing on my mind. Good luck.