Should I back away from potential friendship

[Toni0987654321]

I've met a mum at school in the playground through our children been friends, we've met up a couple of times for coffee and have been texting and slowly starting a friendship outside of the playground.
I told this mum something personal about myself and she's told another mum in the playground. I know because the one she told approached me saying ohh I can't believe you are concidring moving jobs! I was really taken back as I haven't told anyone else! And certainly not my current employer.
Now I'm left wondering if I should completely back away as I cant trust this person or if I'm massively over reacting! I just think my personal details aren't for her to share regardless how insignificant they seem,and seems no reason to share it other then plain gossiping.
Now I feel I'm back in the playground haha and acting like a teenager but it's really irritated me.
Would you back away and leave her to it?
Sorry for the rant 😅

It's not really a sensitive subject but yes I'd be annoyed too. If she can be totally indiscreet about something this insignificant, then I'd dread to think what she'd be like with something more serious.

Ta ta dearie, off you fuck.

Local school mum networks are largely about passing on useful and non useful information.

It can be very helpful to be part of that local network, it can be great to go out in groups for some socialising and it can be very helpful for your child's social group and emergency pick ups when the trains are screwed BUT in my experience they are not deep friendships (can be but not mainly) , so any information you wouldn't want pinned to the village notice board, keep to yourself.

So just don’t share anything sensitive with her in future - I do think your reaction is somewhat ott.

Honestly, I think I’d be more concerned that a school gate acquaintance I was considering as a potential friend had a life so small that she passed on a completely uninteresting piece of information about me to a third party, who had a life so small she approached me about it!

I mean, the only person interested in someone moving jobs, realistically, is the person themselves.

I wouldn’t consider it a piece of personal information, but, if I thought of it as such, I would certainly not have told someone I’d had two coffee dates with.

I know it can seem a little ott, but equally seems like gossip only because i don't understand why it would even come up, so imagine if it was atcually big news haha!
Thanks for all your responses so far x

Your mistake is passing on information that is sensitive to you. Maybe she thought it was 'open' and out there. Tread carefully with new friends and don;t overshare things that you don;t want spreading.
I have a good mix of friends. One is a very good friend, long term. But I know from what she says about other people and details of their lives that she is a terrible terrible gossip. I tell her nothing that I would not be happy to be shared - because I know that is what she is like. I still enjoy her company - but no way will I tell her private info that I don't want sharing far and wide. Keep your Boundaries.

She's not going to tell your employer. And also I don't know why the other mum thinks it's so fascinating and amazing that you may wish to change jobs. Hardly anyone I know is happy in their job!
But I guess you know she's a bit of a gossip so just don't tell her anything really seriously personal. It doesn't mean she's not a nice person who you could have a laugh with and be mates.

Dont tell people what you dont want past on to others.
School gate mums seem to have more drama than the kids nowdays.

I wouldn't be close friends with someone like that, no.

I think the only reason I'd tell a new acquaintance I was thinking of changing job is if I wanted to put feelers out in my professional network. In case they knew someone who knew someone who knew of a job I might want. I would trust they wouldn't actually inform my employer, but if I freely told someone this, I wouldn't actually expect (or want!) it to be a secret. It's not really opening up and making yourself vulnerable.

But if you feel this was less networking and more gossip then yes, take a step back and don't tell her anything important! Perfectly possible to do that and still be casually friendly.

Did she realise you didn’t want it repeating?

I didn't specify no, just assumed you don't share what people have told you to others, but guess I was been nieve, I think because it's really not a big deal it feels more like gossip as why did she feel the need to mention it. Maybe I'm taking it the wrong way but I was so taken back when this other parent mentioned it to me ( I equally found that bezzaire)

You were definitely a bit naïve to tell someone you don't know that well information you don't want getting out and about. Your new friend probably didn't realise it was sensitive information given that you've happily told her

I don't see why you can't be friends with this woman, but keep it surface level until you know you can trust her. And no matter how well you know someone, if you share information with them you don't want getting out, then you need to tell them to keep it to themselves. I'd do that even if it was DP I was telling.

I hope it blows over and comes to nothing and doesn’t affect you. I have a rule - but it took me a long time to learn: don’t tell anybody anything that you don’t mind being repeated. Unless you really trust who you’re telling, and even then you can’t be sure.
It’s probably the gossipy aspect of it that got to you. A relative of mine used to call them ‘Hey Guess Whatters’ 😊

Because I'm not overly interested or rate job stuff highly, it's the sort of thing I may share without realising it's sensitive. If someone shares something about family/partner, I'd automatically keep shtum. I also think sometimes gossip happens because we're working hard to make conversation with someone we don't know well, I've done it mainly due to lacking the social skills to make different conversation, it's an easy out isn't it. On the other hand I have a gym friend who permanently gossips as she seems to enjoy it, and she knows everyone, so I'm guarded around her.
I'd give your mate another chance and either don't share sensitive stuff as others suggest, or caveat it with something like 'I'd rather others not know this'.

I'd say perhaps be careful what you say to her next time. What someone says about someone else says more about the former than the latter.

I've recently made friends with a mum who goes to the same nursery as my DS. She's told me some sensitive stuff about herself and said please don't repeat what I've told you. Regardless if she hadn't said that, I wouldn't anyway because I'm not a gossip and also I don't have any other friends 🙂

School gate drama revolves around other people’s business. I found if you step out of that circle it’ll affect invites to parties and play dates etc with some of them. Unless you’ve got a very prestigious job/partner and you’ll get invited to everything! Not me btw but it was hilarious to see them fawning over certain parents.

I couldn’t bear it but did the bare minimum so my DC’s weren’t affected. Thankfully they were in club afterwards most of the time so I could just catch up with the parents I actually liked.

Majority of Mum friends aren't really friends in real life so the topics of conversation are limited. If you share something, then you should expect for that to be repeated. I don't think it's malicious, it's just something to talk about on the way to or from school, while you wait for the dreaded gate to open. I don't think that Mum would've particularly thought about it as hot gossip, as you wouldn't necessarily tell your deepest darkest secrets to Someone you've just met five minutes ago.

It's tough making friends at the school gates. You've not really got much in common, only see snapshots of one another briefly, and probably feel under a degree of pressure to make friends as that's what people say you should do. I can see under those circumstances how a bit of non-news about someone else might seem fair game social currency on this woman's part. Try not to overvalue it all

Yes, people who pass on information unsolicited and take pleasure in it don’t realise that they are constantly showing how untrustworthy they are. We have a relative like that who loves telling stories and sharing private information about friends, especially round the dinner table when he has an audience. We never tell him anything that we don’t want the world to know.

DS attended three primaries in two countries and I honestly don’t recognise this version of the school gate.

DH had a very prestigious job in both countries, and it was widely known at school because he used to do things for the school/ get in well-known people for fundraisers etc, but that certainly didn’t translate into massive popularity for either of us! At one school, we were both pariahs in the yard because we were foreigners who didn’t do the school run often. I had the same prestigious job at the latter two schools. At one I just waited by myself, as basic friendliness and having children for play dates didn’t get me anywhere with the other parents, and at the other I immediately made friends, and were still close, although the children are all at different secondaries.

When I meet someone I might like to know better, I pay close attention to how she speaks of others, how much (of what I would consider) personal information she gives me. One woman told me about lunch with her daughter, including news that the daughter's husband was having an affair, and that it was bad timing as the couple was trying to conceive. The speaker was a lovely woman and we did become somewhat close, but the friendship went so far and no further, as I would not tell her anything really personal.

She’s a blabbermouth. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends - just be careful what you tell her.

My SIL is lovely but I total blabbermouth. I just only tell her things that I am happy for the world to know. Which is quite a lot in the end - my life is not interesting enough to have exciting secrets. 😂