Wedding in Europe with young children

[GoggledBoxed]

Hello hive mind - looking for some advice or options I may not have considered please.

My husband and I are in the wedding party for a wedding in Europe in August. We have 2 young children (7 and 2) and my mum has been invited too. The wedding is of my cleaning lady (Let’s call her L), who has become a very dear friend over the 7 years we have known her, dotes on our children and we have both helped each other a great deal over the years.

Our ‘problems’ are thus:

• Flights to the city aren’t everyday, we would fly in on Wed and fly out Sun (wedding on Saturday). The time of the flight is 6am and from Stanstead/Luton. We live in Surrey, so would have to factor in airport hotel
• The temps out there are high 30s/early 40s at that time of year according to L. We thought we could go a bit earlier to see more of the country and utilise the flight cost, but I don’t think we’d get to see or do much given the temps and with two smalls and a pensioner in tow
• DH and I, as previously mentioned, are in the wedding party. We won’t be around the children from morning until the service in the late afternoon. We will be staying at a lovely guest house which L has arranged, and is central to the wedding festivities as she will be getting ready there. The children will be in a room with DM while we’re doing photos, wedding traditions, getting ready.
• I suspect, after not having seen us all day, DS2 will want to come to us during the wedding service. He will insist on DH taking him out, to want to wander off with us (as is the way with toddlers!) and just generally may disrupt the wedding (DS2 is very feisty and shouty) DM lives a distance from us and we see each other maybe once every 2 months, but not often enough that DS2 would stay with her when we’re in sight.
• My worry is that I won’t get to concentrate on bridesmaid duties or do the role justice if I have hot (the wedding is outdoors), cranky, overstimulated (having watched an iPad all day given too hot to go to a park, no pool) child(ren). DS7 is (imo!) v well behaved and should be okay but I’m preparing myself for the worst.

I am thinking of leaving the children at home in the UK with DM, but worry this would upset L greatly. There are a number of children coming to the wedding, though I think no other toddlers. None of the others bringing children are in the wedding party either. Should I leave them at home? Bring them with and roll with the barrage of punches the toddler is likely to rain down on us? If I leave them home in the UK how could I gently pitch it to L? I am a people pleaser with AuDHD, so prone to overthinking and missing social cues - and may be overstating the importance of bridesmaid role - I come from a culture that doesn’t have them at weddings and this is my first time being one!

YANBU - Leave them in the UK with DM
YABU - suck it up and take them with you

If you’ve made it this far thank you! Any advice would be greatly appreciated pleaseandthanks!

Personally I'd ask L - just say you are super excited about this and can't wait to see her home and you are so grateful to be involved and then just ask if she'd rather you bring the family and be distracted or be focussed as a couple. It sounds like either option is financially viable so I'd give the couple a vote.

I think bringing a 10 year old is clearly different to bringing a toddler and she would have to expect some level of disruption from a young child.

Or... could you all go and your mom just not attend the ceremony? Bring the kids along to the party?

Fwiw (and it's just my opinion obviously) I think you should relax and take the children. Even in the heat there are pools and shaded parks to play in and I think it will be fine.

95% of being a bridesmaid happens before the bride gets to the alter anyway.

Thank you so much - I get so chicken little that I can’t think clearly. Yes could always leave them home for the service - it’s a short 4 minute drive from both reception and guest house. As well as asking her (and prepping her if she chooses for the children to come) what she’d prefer

Thank you! I should just relax. Takes hearing/reading it from other people…🙈

Totally understandable - it's a lot of different considerations. I would talk to her first and just say you know it's a long day and you want to do a brilliant job for her so you were wondering if it might be helpful to leave the kids home / at the hotel for the ceremony and just see what she says. You have so many options so I'm sure there's a way for it to work for everyone. It will be a long day in the heat for a young child so she must know it would be a challenging time.

I agree with asking your DM to keep them at the guest house during the service, particularly since it's so close to the venue and you can pop back in an emergency. You say there's no pool, how about arranging to have a paddling pool delivered to the guest house (or carrying one in your luggage, depending on the weight)? It might make the heat more bearable for the kids, and is a great way to keep them entertained!

I would take a small blow up pool for water play. And talk to your child. I found that prepping dc beforehand paid off quite well.

I would take the kids on the holiday but ask your mum to keep hold of them for the important ceremony part (maybe outside?) and then bring the toddler in at the end of the vows etc. you just need 30 mins without toddler