Wondering whether to ttc..is 7 yr age gap too much

[MickeyMouse111]

We really wanted a second child but with one thing or another we're only just in a position to ttc.
But now I'm doubting it...
....DS would be 6.5+ by the time another child would be born if we're blessed to conceive

I just wonder whether it'll alter everything too much ... he's so used to receiving undivided attention (and likes it), we're used to only having to think about one DC and that has quite often felt like enough, I worry that the age gap would be too large for the children to really enjoy each other, DC likes playing with older kids rather than younger kids, we're older ourselves, I feel like mat leave will be okay but can't imagine juggling two DC with work etc, I think I'm forgetting what the broken sleep was like but have vague recollections of it being gruelling...etc....

...sometimes I think that sure the short term will be hard but we'll figure it out as we go, and it'll be great long term, at other times I feel like we should quit while we're ahead.

I don’t think 7 years is that crazy to be honest. You haven’t told us your age but if you really want a second, go for it. Yes it’ll take time for DC to get used to it but really it’s the same with any age gap right?

I really don't think people should pay too much attention to age gaps. It is much more about the children personality and parenting than the age number. Of course 7year age gap will be different to 1 year or 15 years. But there are pros and cons to all of these.

There really are no rules a round these things. It'll work for some families, not others.

But there is a gap like that between my friend and her sister (growing up we all thought my friend would be an only child) but they've always got on really well - both as children and now adults.

Breaking it down - A 7 year old and a baby is fine. A 14 year old and a 7 year old less so. A 30 year old and a 23 year old is fine.

So you could have some tricky years where they won’t have much in common and will be living quite separate lives, then you’ll have the younger one at home by himself potentially when the older is at uni/flown the nest.

But in the grander scheme it’s probably OK?

I've got an 8 year age gap between my 2 DS's and it's never been a problem except for a few months when eldest was 16 and 8 year old went into his room and played with his games, scratching them. They are both grown up now and get on very well. They are closer to each other than to their sister when is 2 years older than eldest ds. They live in different areas but one stays with the other about every 3 months for a couple of days. They text a lot, usually stupid memes and stuff.

Every age gap has pros and cons. It seems fine.

I’ve always thought that if you’re young enough, a 5 year age gap is about perfect. It must be so so much easier having one child in school in those early days of having a newborn. I still look back and shudder at those days of both potty training and breastfeeding. Neither of my kids really slept through until they were about 3-4 and if one wasn’t waking you up, the other was.

A six year old could be really helpful too.

There's a 7 year gap between me and my older sister and we get on really well-- I really wouldn't worry about it too much. I originally thought I wanted a 2 year gap between my kids but that didn't happen due to multiple miscarriages-there is a 4.5 year gap between my two and it works really well, I am so relieved I didn't have them any closer in age, I don't think I could have coped. Good luck with your decision, I think there are lots of pros to a bigger gap

Our daughter was a week shy of 9 when our son was born. She wasn’t too interested in him but became much more so as he grew. Now adults, they have a lovely relationship and he’s a fantastic, much loved and appreciated uncle to her child.

My boys were 9 and 11 when my daughter was born. It's been fine.

The closest family I know had two seven year gaps, so the eldest boy was 14 when the youngest was born (all three are full siblings).

Op I'm blessed with 6 year gap. As they get bigger it gets easier.
They can actually go and watch the same film at the cinema.
Mine are both boys so have a joint interest in Star Wars.

But I think the key is finding stuff they can do together regardless of age and sex.
Ski, swim, if you can get them into martial arts then great.

One advantage is you don't have two doing exams or going through puberty and hormones flying everywhere at the same time.
Same with fees for nursery & uni!

I’m currently in this exact situation, expecting DC2 when DS1 will be 6.5.

It’s just the way it worked out; I couldn’t have coped with a baby and a toddler and we couldn’t afford two sets of nursery fees, so we held off trying again until now. Our ages meant we couldn’t leave it any longer.

Our DS is desperate for a sibling; while I suspect the novelty of a baby may wear off very quickly, we hope they’ll be happy with each other. It’s a shame they won’t be close enough in age to be playmates, but we hope it’ll still work out well in the long term.

My eldest is 9, my youngest six and I'm 28 weeks pregnant. We get the gap we're given!

I disagree. I have 4 kids - my daughters are 13 and 7 and adore each other and spend loads of time playing together. Equally my sons do and they have an 8year age gap - in fact my oldest son has just gone out shopping to find a birthday present for his younger brother!

I agree with this and say yes at the end! Almost 8 year gap here, both boys.

When DS2 was a baby he was just carted around where we were taking DS1. By 3/4 it was separate films at the cinema and by 7/8 DS2 was 15/16 and out with friends, but they shared a hotel room on holiday. It’s better now at 24/17.

I have a 6.5 year age gap between mine and it has worked out wonderfully. Only one set of nursery fees at a time so better financially. They are also at different stages so they can both still benefit from plenty of individual attention, rather than trying to juggle baby & toddler. The older sibling loves to help teach the younger one. No jealousy at all as they're old enough to understand the needs of the baby.

When the baby was born, I was very conscious of making sure the older one still had plenty of time with us and I always try not to use the baby as a reason to say to no things, to avoid any resentment. I think I was even more aware of this as the older sibling was used to being an only child and I didn't want her to feel that suddenly all that attention was diverted.

I'd definitely do it all again with the same age gap 🙂

I don't think there is an 'ideal' age gap. My DD1 was nearly 9 when dd2 came along. then when she went to school i had dd3, so 6 years difference there. They all get on well (they also have moments when they fight as sisters do).
I had plenty of early years bonding with each of them, and the older ones helped out with baby.

I originally voted YABU, because in my own sphere of experience, I don't know anyone with this age gap and I know it wouldn't have worked for me. However, after reading the posts from other users detailing their own successful age gap DC, I've amended my vote to YANBU, and I agree that if you want another child, you should go for it!

My oldest sister was 7 years older than me and we got along well, she was like a little mum to me and I adored her. I wouldn't worry too much OP, your older DS will have his mates to play with and will probably be someone that a younger sibling will look up to and emulate.

I'd go for it. I'm the 3rd and last child of my parents. Between me and the eldest is 6.5 years. We are close as adults. Growing up we weren't into the same things, of course, but none of that matters for the majority of our lives - you don't notice gaps when grown! I'm so thankful I have my 2 siblings (3.5 years apart from the middle sibling btw)

Aww thank you everyone! This has all been very encouraging :D

All of my friends have done the standard 2-3 year age gap so we'd be totally outliers but feel much better about it now.

Too much for whom?

Think about holidays and days out.

Your child is now getting to the stage where she will want to do more fun grown up things. Being hampered by a baby/toddler and their needs will put a damper on that significantly.

For all of us