To get angry at people suddenly making an effort after someone dies?

[Tree25]

Basically.. my grandma who I was very close to has recently died after suffering with her health for far too long. I was very close to her as was DH and DC. We went to visit her and my grandad regularly and video called in between visits. I did the eulogy at her funeral.
Her daughter and son (my mum and uncle) and a couple of others in the family definitely never made as much time for her - if any. My uncle would pass their house every day for work but would never pop in before or after because of whatever reason. My mum only went every 6 weeks or so as she always seemed to have a busy social life outside of work. Neither of them made the time. I know life can get in the way but they had plenty of spare time where they could have made more effort and gone to visit her. Grandma even said herself they should go and see her which they don't. Now that she's gone they are all of a sudden always there. They're always making the time and effort for my grandad. Regularly visiting him or inviting him to theirs? AIBU to get angry about this? It's too late for them to make the time now .they should have done it when she was here? If they can now they could have done then? I just think people seem to suddenly make the effort and care more once someone has gone and I just really don't think it's right at all. I've told them both what I think. My mum isn't talking to me now and hasn't even got in contact about DC (which she usually video calls them every day). She seems to be sulking over what I said. AIBU? I am struggling obviously with it all but I don't feel like I'm just lashing out in grief. I feel like I really mean it. Just wanted to hear peoples opinions or own experiences of this. Many thanks x

I think it can be easy when life gets in the way to become complacent and feel like someone will always be around/ there will always be time to see them more in future. When the person suddenly dies people are often left with regrets, and feeling that they should have done more. It sounds like your family are reflecting on this and trying to avoid making the same mistake with your grandad. I understand where you are coming from, but they are likely struggling with grief and perhaps feelings of guilt and it is probably hard for them to cope with being attacked like that right now, even if (perhaps especially if) what you are saying is true. I suppose it is worth considering what you are hoping to achieve by going after them like that? They can't turn back time and be there more for your gran. All they can do is learn from it and do better for your grandad now.

I think you are lashing out in grief.
They may have realised they've been complacent, they may want to give your grandad extra support in the days after loosing his wife, they may have had personal issues with your granny that you are not privy to. More importantly, what would you rather? That they neglected to spend time with your grandfather too?
We all have regrets in life and we all deserve a chance to do better without being told "it's too late". It is never too late. It may be too late for your granny but not for her husband.