To want to move out at nearly 45!

[Howmanynamestaken]

I currently live with my parents, have done since I moved back 10 years ago, pregnant and alone. For the most part we get on well but I have always craved my independence again having bought and sold many houses from a young age.

I tried to move out just after COVID, my dad in particular took it pretty bad and begged me not to leave with his blue eyed grandson!

I've now been offered a property at a very affordable rent and within 5 minutes drive away from my parents. I really want to take it, I can see us living there. The problem is my parents are aging, my mum had a major health scare 2 years ago and waiting more tests for another. My dad isnt the easiest man to live with, works long hours, does zero around the house and treats my mum like a house maid, which only adds to my frustration!

I feel like I'd be leaving my mum to manage him and the house by herself. Its a fairly big house and gardens. If something happened to one of them I'd feel obliged to move back for company but feel like if I don't go I'll be completely stuck.

Aibu to want my own place for myself and my child?

how will your finances work renting?
(not bein nosey just sensible!) - do you pay rent now?

can you not save/buy and leave?

yes - i would absolutely go for your sanity! but just consider buying and not throwing money away if you don't have to

I'll get support from the government, I work part time so will get UC and I'll pay the rest.
I pay money to my mum but not a lot. I've done my figures and I'll be grand. Thanks for replying 😊

Usually I'd say just move out and live life on your terms, but I think your situation needs a bit extra thought. It sounds like your son has lived with his grandparents since birth? Depending on dynamics that could be a huge adjustment for him (though it doesn't sound like your dad is setting the best example if he's leaving everything to you and your mum).

But if your parents have been very involved it's similar in some ways to a child's parents breaking up. Not impossible to do, or even necessarily a bad thing, but a challenge for a child nevertheless. He might need extra support to cope with the change in living arrangements.

It's not your responsibility to manage the dynamics and house work for your parents. If you'd be happier with a bit of space to spread your wings and you can afford to do it I absolutely would.

They’re very lucky they’ve had you and your son there for so long. And now they (or your dad) must let you exercise your autonomy just like they were ‘allowed’ (!) to exercise theirs when they were in their mid forties.

It’s completely normal to move out at your age. And they can downsize like lots and lots of older people do when they find the house too much.

Yes move! You deserve to have your own place if you can.
Put some things in place initially, like chippy tea together one week night, and Sunday lunch together, or something.
Your son might be able to go round to visit on his own another night if you're not too far away, or they could come to you.
Don't enter into negotiations, just tell them it's happening.

Your mum made her choice with your dad and it's not up to you to help did her out of any holes that might leave her in.

On the other hand, I can see why you might feel obliged to move back when they're ill/elderly because they were there for you when you were pregnant and alone.

Your child is 10 now and it seems as though you don't need them anymore.

Move out and give it a try.

move and enjoy your freedom. It’ll likely be hard to adapt at first but you’re going to love it. Also, if you still live local to your parents then visit regularly. I know a lot of older people enjoy the routine of things and don’t like change, this is going to disrupt them and their grandchild is likely their highlight - so enjoy he visits often too! Try to reassure them that it’s best for the both of you and you’re not disappearing out of their lives

If you've always had properties don't the savings you should have mean you're not entitled to UC?

Yes he has grew up with them, they (my mum mostly) have been a great support to us but I do the majority of his care and school runs etc. My son gets the bus home from school a few days a week, my mum meets him off the bus so I'd hope that would continue and they would still see him regularly.

I have generally discussed with my son about our own place and he seems keen. I haven't mentioned this instance yet though.

I'm afraid to bring it up with my parents for fear of upsetting them again 🫣

Property recession, travelling and single parenting have used up all my savings. I worked full time until he started school but chose to go part time in a lower paid job to support his learning needs.

Buying would be the preference but my organization has decided to make us redundant later this year so no chance of a mortgage again for a few years!

Howmanynamestaken, as long as you are sure your son likes the idea of moving I think it would be good for both of you to have a place of your own. You don't say how old he is but I am imagining he is about 12. Somewhere just a five minute drive away from your parents sounds ideal. You will still be able to see a lot of them, keep an eye on your mum and help out where necessary, they will see their grandson and maybe he can even stay over there sometimes.

It sounds great. You are still young, yes you are :-), and it will be lovely to have your own little home after all this time. Son will like it too. You'll both make new friends, have fun - invite grandparents over for the odd meal at weekends.

I feel quite excited for you. You've done the sums and can manage it and mum and dad won't be far away when you need them or they need you. Your dad will get over it, he really will.

It's normal! Go for it, enjoy.

Good luck, keep us up to date with how it all goes.

Go for it. You're only round the corner from your parents if they need you.

Would it be a council home? If so, take it, they're ten a penny

Even if not, sounds like a fantastic idea, you won't be far away!

Go for it. You can always invite your mother over to give her a break from your father and your son can go for sleepovers. You will be very close so it not like you are moving hours away..

Its time to fly the coup baby girl xxx

Go for it.
You'll be 5 minutes away, so you can still see each other regularly. Have meals together etc
Your DS could visit them for a sleepover too

You'll only be a 5 minute drive away. Go for it

I’d do it . Realistically if the house/ garden is going to be a bit much for your mum then maybe it’s time for them to consider downsizing to something manageable.

You’ll only be 5 minutes away, sounds healthier set up. Your mum knows who she married and the house is big enough to have their own space

Council homes are ten a penny? I thought they were very difficult to get.

Please take this opportunity to move out.
It's your mother's choice to stay with your dad.

Omgggg 😄 I used the wrong phrase

I meant they're super impossible to get 🙈🙈

I'd do it. Its only going to become harder over the next few years as the get older and you could end up becoming a live in carer for them? Is that what you want for the next 20 years?