Anniversary dinner

[Twenty3]

Inlaws big wedding anniversary coming up. Mil and her daughter are organising a dinner in a restaurant. They are inviting 3 other couples who are the inlaws friends. Husband and I are going and his sister and her husband. My partner thinks he and his sister pay for everyone's dinner. I think this is too much. What is the norm in this situation?

By all means pay for mum & dad. The friends can pay for themselves, surely?

The norm is whatever the family decides it is. Would be perfectly normal in my family to do that, wouldn't be the norm in my partner's.

I'd definitely pay for the in laws as their anniversary present but it wouldn't be the norm to pay for everyone else and I certainly wouldn't expect it as friends of the in laws. If it was just one other couple I'd probably stump up rather than fanny around with the bill but 3 other couples - no.

Entirely depends on the family is the unhelpful but true answer.

I would certainly offer to treat mine in this way but others might not want to/have the means and thats ok too as long as it is discussed and agreed.

What is your issue with it? Is it his money to spend?

As you have phrased it as "they are inviting" I would assume the ILS are paying unless your DH and his sister decide to pick up the bill instead.

For my parents Golden they had a sit down meal at a venue for 50 people (family and friends) and paid for it all.

It's on occasion meal not just a regular anniversary.

See I would say it is indeed the norm to pay the bill when you invite people....

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

In my family the couple whose anniversary it is would pay for everyone.

Why do you mind? Is it because when your DP says he's paying half, is it really BOTH of you paying half? Because your answer to this is crucial really.

Oh I agree. If I invited people to dinner I would expect to pay. But unless I've misunderstood the OP, it's the in laws who have invited 3 other couples (their friends) to join them for their anniversary meal. The OP and her DH are guests and not the orgnisers of the meal.

I would definitely agree that whoever organised a celebration meal usually foots the bill. I’d probably suck it up as it’s a special occasion but it’s really down to your DH to decide if himself and his sister wants to split the bill.
I wouldn’t be impressed if I was contributing to a family occasion and my DH was complaining about it.

Yes.

But it seems like the daughter and son have decided they want to pay, possiblyvas a gift, in which case ot should be the whole meal not just mum and dad's and theirs but for the friends too

In my family, the host (MIL & FIL) would pay for everyone. So if their DS & DD wanted to pick up the bill for them, yes, it would be the bill for everyone.

If your DH and his DSis are happy with that, why not?

If not, let PILs pick up the whole bill, and DH and his DSis need to find a different gift.

I'd hazard a guess that DPILs would be embarrassed with anyone asking their friends to pay, as its not generally the done thing for people of that generation.