To feel like this?

[CoffeeTable22]

In fact, yes. I probably am, but I just need to vent and need some outside perspective.

For context I'm between careers, so I'm on low hours in one job and spending the rest of the time retraining for another. My DH is full time in a stressful job, with a high income. Comfortable life, nice house, mortgage paid off, money stashed away etc etc so I can afford to switch careers and retrain (hated my last job).

We have one DD who is school age, so most of the time between school runs I have off. I get housework done, exercise, do my training, do a hobby.
I get alot of free time. Fact.

My DH however doesn't, and spends a lot of his free time messing around with his hobby. He is into Motorbikes and spends alot of time messing around with his bikes, taking them out to race tracks, that sort of thing. He uses a lot of his annual leave for this as well. He also works away once or twice a fortnight, often being away overnight for 1-2 nights.

I'm just fed up of him not being around much. I know he deserves his downtime with his job and I get plenty, but I really struggle being on my own with my DD especially at the weekend. She's 5 and in a really whiney stage. She constantly wants me to play with her, asks me questions all day long, needs constant stimulation and it's so draining. I have a back issue at the moment so I often feel stiff and uncomfortable and I honestly don't want to sit on the floor and play barbies with her. It hurts. I'm getting osteopath treatment but it's a long game

Yes we do playdates and I take her to see family, but organising that is a hassle in itself and we tend to do more of that stuff during the holidays.
He never has time off in the holidays so it's 1-2 weeks of me trying to fill every day to keep my DD entertained. I work in education so I'm always off with her. Again, lucky me right?

I get so irritable with my daughter and so impatient. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like the worst parent. I don't want to play or run around the garden with her. I just want to sit and have a cup of tea.

My DH is also so unsympathetic and completely dismisses how I feel because I've got the easy life. Yet I actually really want to work more, I love working but finding a job that fits around most of the school runs is really hard and I just feel like because I don't work as much, I'm second best to him and I have to fit around him, his work, his hobby and the school runs.
I've had to lose income before because my work sometimes is after school and if he's away on business, I can't work. Nobody to help, after school club doesn't run late enough.

I know IBU, I know. I wish I didn't feel so much resentment because I have it easy. I know! How do I stop feeling like this and just enjoy spending time with my DD? How can I accept it and be a better parent??

Hi OP, the 5 year old whingey stage is really draining and little girls that need constant playing with/stimulation is too!!! I have a 6 - nearly 7 year old - who was exactly the same. But I just wanted to comment to let you know, it’s a stage that passes. My DD is still emotional and difficult in some ways, but the stage you’re at has passed and she is now lovely and good fun to spend time with, especially if I make it outdoor time.

hang in there and be kind to yourself.

i have no advice with DH. I feel like he probs needs an outlet with a stressful job and I would approach him for a sensible discussion when you’re feeling calm so it doesn’t immediately escalate into an argument xxx

He needs an outlet but you also need family time. A compromise would be him getting Saturday to him self and doing Sunday as a family. Also why can't he book holidays off? If he did a few days in summer this would help massively as presumably you aren't getting any breaks in the school hols.

Currently you would be better off splitting up and him doing eow and two weeks in the summer. He can't dictate what family life looks like it needs to be a discussion and compromise

I don’t think yabu OP. You need to have family time and you need time together for maintaining your relationship. He needs to have time with dd. I know this is easier said than done but if he is disconnected from you and dd then your relationship will obviously suffer.

5 year old whiney, constant questioning stage, you have my sympathy. I’m sure you are doing your best. It’s very easy to feel inadequate when it’s so demanding.

You do have quite a bit of time when your DD is at school to sit and have a cup of tea. Upping your work hours is doable if you use after school clubs or a childminder. That would also then give you the option of some child free time in school hols. I teach. Our CM used to add up the wraparound hours we used term time and give us 2/3 whole days if care in holidays so that her income remained the same and we got a few days to ourselves.
As to DH....as with so many men it kind of sounds like he's avoiding family life and I agree some balance is needed there but I think you have to frame it as family time, not giving you a break, as I'd be somewhat lacking in sympathy too if you came at it from that angle. A proper discussion is needed laying out a feasible plan, not just moaning about this or that weekend.