Getting confused about this, I'd appreciate some thoughts.
Got a big birthday in a few months. I don't really like doing things for my birthday or people knowing about it, though i do enjoy seeing friends in general and socilalising.
I'm on a group chat with some local friends and we usually go away for birthdays or just weekends. Thinking about my own birthday ... I haven't seen a couple of friends on the chat since October/November (we live within five minutes walk of each other). One i used to be very close with, however we have drifted over the past year or two. I invite them here quite a bit, haven't been to hers for three years etc.
She's had a difficult year and has withdrawn in general but has seen other friends from our group. That's all fine and although I'm a bit sad that we're no longer close, I feel that I've moved on.
I know that this group want to plan something for my birthday, and although I'm usually really easy going, I'm feeling that I don't want to spend a big birthday with people who don't value me. I just want to see a few friends, and I have others who are closer and who support me/me them, I'd rather celebrate with them.
Or should I just celebrate with a few different small groups and get togethers and not get my knickers in a twist? I know I'm feeling resentful and it's impacting wanting to see them. It's also hard cos it feels so incongruent, - whenever i do bump in to them or whatever they say oh i love you i miss you - but they have time to see our other friends.
not quite sure what I'm asking or why I am thinking about it so much - am i just being a grumpy baggage and need to chill?