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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not allow DD to drink squash when I drink it myself?

85 replies

Tinkjon · 12/05/2008 13:56

I only let DD drink water or milk but she has been asking for squash/fizzy drinks lately, as she see lots of other kids have it and, more importantly, she sees me and DH drink it. I've been saying "no, it's only for grown-ups" but is that fair? Can I really expect her to be satisfied with "it isn't good for you" if she sees me drink it too? I have said that it isn't good for anybody but it's worse for little children but I don't know if she's buying that And please no nagging me about how I should be setting an example and not drinking it myself, as I already know I should

OP posts:

Original poster

Tinkjon · 12/05/2008 17:08

Some interesting thoughts there, thanks everyone! I don't really object to her having the odd glass of squash here and there, it just seems like something which is so easy to avoid. Or at least it did do until recently!

OP posts:

Heifer · 12/05/2008 17:39

Do as I say not as I do in my house..

I drink gallons of diet coke, despite knowing how bad it is for me - but no way am I going to allow DD (4.4) have any.

I don't buy squash so she will only have water, milk or watered down juice at home.

However, when we are out she is allowed much more, basically anything except coke or fruit shoots!.. (well have to admit to allowing that on occassion)...

My house, my rules, no-one ever said that I had to be fair....

She seems to understand that she isn't allowed coke, but will ask for Mummy Beer or Daddy Wine occassionally...

AbbeyA · 12/05/2008 17:50

At what age are you going to allow DD to have your diet coke Heifer? It is no problem at pre school, but if you are not letting her have it at the age that she knows friends have it- how are you going to defend the hypocrisy of it?

pointydog · 12/05/2008 17:50

Of course YABU.

If you don't want her to have squash, if you think it is Bad, then don't have it yourself in front of her.

unknownrebelbang · 12/05/2008 17:57

I'm with GDG, Hattrick et al.

Although we don't tend to have squash at home anyway.

pointydog · 12/05/2008 17:59

Whenever I hear of a parent who sips or nibbles on something while denying it to their children, I always think of Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spike. It's rather mean, in a way.

AbbeyA · 12/05/2008 18:03

If you want your DCs to have a healthy diet then the whole family needs to have a healthy diet. You can't impose it on DCs and have a different one for yourselves-they soon pick up the message that you think unhealthy food is nicer! If you drink diet coke and they have to have water then you are giving them the message that diet coke is nicer.(I would honestly rather have iced filtered water than coke which I dislike anyway).

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2008 18:25

Abbey what are you talking about? How do you explain a glass of wine if you are drinking that?

pointydog · 12/05/2008 18:33

My children don't like alcohol. There's one big difference.

chunkychips · 12/05/2008 18:57

you explain a glass of wine by saying that their immature livers will pack up, they will be violently sick and then they will be taken away by social services

TigerFeet · 12/05/2008 19:07

I'm afraid I don't think that not allowing dd some of the things that I eat/drink is hypocrasy. I am big enough and ugly enough to make my own bad decisions. Why should I eat and drink the same things as my toddler? I agree that the family as a whole should have a healthy diet but I can't see the point in denying myself the odd fizzy drink because I don't want dd to be drinking it.

AbbeyA · 12/05/2008 19:28

If you had read the whole thread then you would see that I have mentioned wine as being different-you can explain to a DC why you can have wine and they can't, I really don't think that you can justify drinking squash and not letting them have any. It isn't a problem with a toddler but it would be as they get older. A healthy diet should be for the whole family-not something imposed on DCs, while you eat and drink any old rubbish. There will come a point where they point out the sheer hypocrisy of it-unless you relax completely once they get past about the age of 7. I couldn't look a 10 year old in the eye and tell him he had to have water but it was OK for me to drink diet coke. If it is bad for him it is bad for you.

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2008 19:32

Well, I'm the parent and I can quite happily do one thing while tell my children to do another. I make the rules in this house. The same way I can stay up and watch TV till 11pm at night and they can't plus 1001 other things.

When it comes to coke, I just say it's for grown ups, the same way I do for wine (yes I know the difference but my 5 year old doesn't!).

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2008 19:34

And God help you if you can't look a 10 year old in the eye and say that what you say goes, sometimes without question. That's half the blardy problem with some parents nowadays - they just can't say 'no', without some long winded explanation. THey are CHILDREN!

AbbeyA · 12/05/2008 19:34

But a ten year old knows perfectly well that coke is not just for grown ups-what do you do then?

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2008 19:39

I would say 'my house, my rules - I am the boss'. Simple.

Although actually I would probably let a 10 year old have coke on the odd occasion anyway - I'm just using it as an example. If I wanted to say 'no' to something, whatever that was, I just would - I don't have to always justify my decisions to my children. Lots of things could be described as 'hypocritical' when it comes to parenting - I remember saying 'it's not fair' quite a lot as a child but, hey, that's life isn't it!

chunkychips · 12/05/2008 19:49

I agree that having children is a great way to look at your own habits and make better choices. If Tinkjon wants to push the boat out, as an adult, and have some squash without introducing it into dcs diet for whatever reason, then she will just have to put up with the constant harrassment, I think, unless she does it when they're not there. yanbu to drink squash without giving them any if you don't want them to have it, but yabu to do it in front of them and expect them to ignore it, when it's all shiny and colourful.

chunkychips · 12/05/2008 19:53

Gobbledigook, I agree with my house, my rules, doesn't stop mine keeping on though, grinding your down, luckily I'm as stubborn as a mule.

jaspersslave · 12/05/2008 19:54

try drinking just water and milk for a few weeks and see how bored you get.
i dont see anything wrong with fruit juices and squash just not in large quantities.

if drinking becomes to boring they just wont bother like i did as a child cos my mum was strict and i had problems with dehydration

swiftyknickers · 12/05/2008 19:57

that rocks organic squash is good-sure lots of sugar but no nasties like aspatame

i think its a bit mean at 5 just to give waterand milk especially if you drink it

AbbeyA · 12/05/2008 20:14

It all depends why you want your toddler to have a healthy diet. I would be wanting them to make life choices and to always eat healthily and seeing that I wouldn't want a 10 year old or a 15 year old to be stuffing burgers and downing huge quantities of coke I would lead by example. It is easy to control the diet of a toddler but it gets more difficult as they get older.I was a fairly easy child but 'because I say so' always made me want to do the opposite!
I am fairly authoritarian, it is my house so I make up the rules, but I have reasons and logic behind the rules.

CocodeBear · 12/05/2008 20:14

YABU

Countingthegreyhairs · 12/05/2008 20:19

Children model what they us do, no matter what we say

Agree that having a child forced me to address my own bad habits!

I had same issue with dd (nearly 5) - she is much keener on eating than drinking

We just alternate one glass of water with one glass of something else (watered down fruit juice or watered down good quality squash). That's the rule - no exceptions - and she's fine with it. But with both stick with the rule.

I know what you mean about finding drinking water "heavy" to get down. I went through a bad phase of not drinking water - ever. But you can overcome it and get used to it. To start with I served myself water with ice and lemon or lime in a nice glass and although it's a bit of a faff, it helps. Gave myself (and dd) a reward (recorded with star chart) for drinking four/five cups a day ...gradually built it up over time ....we both like it now and it's not a problem ...

Countingthegreyhairs · 12/05/2008 20:20

Forgot - one exception - hypocrite that I am.

She drinks milk and I can't stomach the stuff!

mylittlepudding · 12/05/2008 20:31

I think TigerFeet's posts are very good.

I drink faaaar too much diet coke. And water, yes, and a bit of coffee and a bit of wine. DD is not having diet coke. Eventually I will not ban fizzy drinks (why do you think I got hooked on the beastly stuff?) because I hope to bring her up to enjoy it in moderation.
The whatever you like at meal times (can't remember who said it, sorry) seems sensible - might do that one when dd is older.

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