Please give me some advice on this on?
I made the decision to call my sister on Thursday and let her know how disgustingly she has treated my Mum and that my relationship with her is over.
For context, my nephew (17 at the time, 18 now) moved into my mums last year after a series of fall outs with his mum (my sister). I supported my mum and nephew, as my mum lives alone. I witnessed the distress that my mum was put through and the constant bombardment my sister gave.
Per my mums wishes I kept quiet. Even when my nephew avoided going home to my Mums because he knew he was being collected and taken back to his own home. I supported, found him, talked to him and returned him (Dec 24)
Thursday this week, my nephew asked my son to meet him to play pool. When my son collected him he asked to be taken to my mums. He was suicidal. We got him settled and chatted about what our next steps were, he let us know he didn't want to return home and that he wanted to stay with my Mum. My mum let my sister know he was safe and that he would be staying with her.
I called her to let her know I'd spoken to him and that he had explained how he was feeling. She lost her temper and claimed that I hadn't helped her, when despite not having a relationship with her, I'd spent 3hours at my mums with her prior it him moving in last October for 2 months. None of my suggestions had been tried and were all instantly dismissed.
She then went on to tell me that my niece felt that I should have been in contact with her, again something that I have never done in the past.
I told her that she wouldn't treat my mum the way she did previously and that speaking to us like her staff I totally unacceptable. Our relationship was done and there would be no conversation between us in future. If the children needed us, we'd be there for them, but that I was done.
This has all been turned back on me and my mum's been told I spoke on behalf of everyone. That I didn't address her (and her only) I addressed them collectively.
She's now blaming me for causing her daughter upset and is now having to go to the school tomorrow to let them know how terrible I am.
I know some people cannot accept any criticism or the truth. But when your 18 year old son is suicidal and drinking, surely you should do something other than try and tell the school (because his gf reported it to the safeguarding lead) that it's their fault for not picking out he was behind with his work. School, friends and the rest of her family, including my brother in laws parents, have never been told that my nephew had previously moved in with my mum. It is supposed to stay within the family and should not be discussed with anyone.
We have found out that for the last 3 weeks he has been asking to be taken to my mums, he has been told that if he wants to go he needs to get there with his belongings himself. He normally puts on a very brave face, but his ability to do this has gone. He is very down, potentially suffering with depression, but sees his only exit is to complete his A levels and get to a Uni as far away as possible.
Please help out a very exhausted Auntie, that wishes she had a magic wand, but knows it's not that easy. What would you do, how would you manage this?
Xx