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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How often to see grandparents

2 replies

Confuseddotcom88 · 09/03/2025 11:55

DP and I have a 2 year old DD and I'm due our second DC this summer. DPs parents are divorced and both work full time during the week leaving only weekends where we can see them (DP also works all week and evenings are not good as it's a rush to get toddler fed and into bed), both of DPs parents seem to have adopted a fortnightly visit with us (not formally, FIL and his wife usually ask on the day of and MIL a few days before) these visits usually fall on different weekends meaning we have one of them visiting/us going to see them every weekend.
This feels a bit overwhelming to me as weekends are the only time we have to spend together as a family and it's always in the middle of the day so it feels like we can't really do anything else on those days even though they only usually stay for an hour or two. My parents are both retired and live in the same town as us so we see them plenty during the week, they are also much more helpful in providing childcare and help to me whereas MIL and FIL come round and expect to be 'hosted'.
I obviously see that DPs parents just want to spend time with their grandchild and don't want to stop this or get in the way of the relationship at all but I wondered if this frequency of visits is relatively normal or not?
For further info both MIL and FIL live about 30 mins drive away. FIL and his wife also spends most weekends at their caravan and visit on their way back on Sunday afternoons so are not very flexible on times/ doing anything other than stopping by our house for a cuppa.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 09/03/2025 12:03

Just suggest the days and times that are suitable for you. You don't always have to agree to their suggested days/times if they are inconvenient.

As they don't arrange things in advance, you should make your own plans and then you can honestly say that you won't be available if they suggest visiting on the same day/time.

SoundedCat · 09/03/2025 16:53

How long is a piece of string! We see one grandparent every 6 months or so, another we don't see at all. The other 2 we see once a month/6 weeks ish.
We live a couple of hours away from them all, life is busy, and relationships with the 4 (grand)parents vary.

Do what works for you and your DH. I couldn't imagine seeing my parents as often as you see yours, and we get on with them very well. In an ideal world I'd like to see them a couple of times a month. No way could I accommodate one day every weekend for a family visit. It would be too much for me.

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