18 month old - What’s normal? Is there a “normal”

[Bigmommax]

I really thought I had it all together until my little one hit 11 months. It felt like she changed overnight. Up until then, she was so alert—always smiling, laughing, and generally a very content baby. But now, at 18 months, it’s much harder to get those same reactions unless she’s watching TV. The excitement she shows for a screen is unreal.

I can’t help but feel that her social and communication skills are a little behind her peers, though her fine motor skills are way ahead. I know every child develops differently, and comparisons aren’t always helpful, but I’m struggling to understand what “normal” really is. Is there even a normal? And when should I actually be concerned?

Like many mothers, the thought of autism has crossed my mind more than once, but I just don’t know.

Here are some of my biggest worries, and I’d really appreciate any insight from other moms:

1️⃣ Response to her name – She used to respond but stopped around 11 months. Her hearing has been tested, and the audiologist said she’s just “very selective.” But if I sing a theme song or nursery rhyme, she immediately turns and gives me eye contact.

2️⃣ Speech – She’s said multiple words in context but nothing consistently. Words seem to come and go.

3️⃣ Babbling – As a baby, she was very quiet. She did babble a little, but not the typical “baba, mama, dada.” Instead, she made more “mmmm,” “nnnn,” and “ahhh” sounds—which she still does at 18 months.

4️⃣ Potential absent seizures – We’re currently seeing a pediatrician to investigate this.

5️⃣ TV fascination – I’m strict with screen time, and she spends plenty of time outdoors. She doesn’t ask for the TV or get upset when it’s off. But if it’s on, she could watch all day if I let her. She also twirls her hands and feet when watching certain shows.

That said, she sleeps amazingly—10+ hours a night plus a 2-hour nap. She’s been a great sleeper since 2 months old. She eats well, loves fruits and veggies, enjoys anything number-related, and I feel like her receptive language is good.

Still, I’m at my wits’ end. I feel like I’m so consumed by worry that I’m not being as present as I should be.

Has anyone else been through this? How did things progress for you? Should I be considering early intervention? Is it too early for speech therapy? Does this sound like autism traits? I have ADHD, but this doesn’t feel the same.

Any opinions or personal experiences would mean the world to me right now.

I almost felt like I was reading about my daughter, until you said she sleeps great!

My daughter is very complex and is already been referred due to significant traits of autism. This happened around 18 months. We also had the potential absent seizures, the neuro dr ruled this out and our own consultant said it was also a trait of autism, zoning out.

She has never responded to her name but she does have mild to moderate hearing loss but you best believe she will absolutely almost throw her head off of her shoulders for the theme tune of her favourite show.

She has gdd so very far behind in terms of kids even half of her age.

Firstly, turn the TV off. There doesn't need to be any screen time at this age.

The rest could be normal development or could be early signs of neurodiversity. It's extremely difficult to tell at this age. All you can really do is parent her well and wait.

In the meantime, get some help for your anxiety because that won't help an NT child or an ND child. This is something you can tackle now.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your response. Do you mind me asking how long the process took from seeing the GP to getting a neurology referral? We’ve just had our GP appointment, but they couldn’t confirm whether or not it was absent seizures, so now we’re just waiting for the referral.

Bluey or Hey Duggee, by any chance?

I find this age so tricky when it comes to knowing what’s “normal.” At 12 months, my HV gave me a form to fill out, but when I looked it up, it was actually the same one used for 16-18 months. She counted words that weren’t consistent and didn’t seem concerned when my DD didn’t respond to her name—even though I felt like there was a clear regression in attention.

I guess part of me is just scared of missing the window for early intervention. More than anything, I feel like she’s not as happy as she once was, and my priority is to make her as happy as possible.

Thanks again for your response—I really appreciate it. I hope your daughter is doing well! x

Can't you just wait till your child has the 2 year check? You sound very anxious. Every child has an individual personality and develops at a different pace. There will also be periods when some new skill will develop rapidly.

At this age there’s no knowing. There’s a lot of things to learn and they will do them in different orders. Don’t worry! If something is wrong it will become apparent at some stage. Until then worrying achieves nothing. It all sounds normal bar the investigations for seizures.

This.

I'd also advise no TV until at least 2 if you can avoid it.

1 - response to her name : I think every child under the sun will "not hear" their name while doing something they like. Either because they're focused on the fun activity and genuinely not hearing it, or because they just want to keep doing it so they ignore you. Does she never react at all ? If she reacts some of the time is there any pattern to when she reacts or not ?

2 - words : she is still very small at 18 months. My eldest didn't really speak well until he was 3yo. At 18 months he only had a few words. I wouldn't be worried.

3 - babbling : if she has words and keeps learning new words, I wouldn't be concerned by babbling or lack thereof.

4 - potential seizures : can't help with that, hope it gets investigated promptly and set your mind at rest.

5 - tv : I wouldn't have any screentime at all for a child this age.
The fact that she doesn't ask for it or get upset when you switch it off is a good sign. Being fascinated with it isn't particularly surprising. I would still stop giving it to her until she's at least a couple of years older.

So overall - get the seizures looked at and try not to worry too much. I know it's easy to say. People say to "wait and see" like you're not gonna worry until you know one way or the other 😅 but unfortunately there's nothing much you can do at this point.

For what it's worth none of the behaviours you describe seem wildly out of the ordinary for a baby this age, except maybe the not reacting to her name. But that one thing isn't conclusive.

No tv at this age

It's not rocket science is it??? When not watching tv, she responded to her name. Now she's watching tv, she doesn't.

🤔

We have had input from a neuro development clinic since discharge from hospital, however when the suspicions of absent seizures became apparent we were referred to to a neurologist. Within a week the videos we had captured of the spells had been reviewed, we sent them via VCreate so we were never seen in person. We were also advised if we were really concerned we could head to a&e, it is best to try and get videos of the episodes.

Yes! Bluey 🤣 it started off as distraction when she became more aware of getting her bloods done or procedures and she became hooked! Pretty much right away.

If I hadn’t already had children I wouldn’t have known that a lot of her traits aren’t exactly the norm. Her first appointment at the local clinic which specialises in autism etc is just before her 2nd birthday. It is really early for it and I genuinely didn’t think autism however given a few factors she was already pretty high risk for autism so it shouldn’t have came as a surprise. Our consultant made the referral as he didn’t want her to be without the additional support required after discharge from the neuro development clinic at 2 x

Both my autistic kids slept brilliantly from very, very young. Sleep now (at 14 and 18) can be an issue but as babies I honestly had to wake both to feed them!

At no point did I say when not watching tv, she responded to her name.

I honestly would relax a bit more. ND family here. See how it plays out. None of the things you wrote above were reflective of ours except selective hearing when they are doing something else more interesting. Show me a toddler that doesn't react in the same way.

The main thing, whatever the outcome, is that ND isn't going to change her or you. I'm saying this despite the fact you will get it if you are diagnosed ADHD. It just is what it is and we all work with it and find solutions in our daily life. She will still be her. So don't put pressure on yourself to diagnose asap or look for things. Just enjoy her being her and you'll probably build in coping mechanisms for things without even realising it.

As to what's normal, who knows. My DD knew all her letters and could count to 100 by 18 months. By two and a half she could read. By 3.5 she knew most of her times tables. I honestly thought she was a genius and I was the world's greatest parent. Incidentally this was lockdown and her knowledge came, in some part, from screens (so let's not make this an anti screen post shall we - we all do what we do to get through). It wasn't until junior school that the social issues as a result of all this academia were more pronounced.

No reason to rush these things. Promise.

My son is 4 with no ND and he doesn’t always respond to his name! Especially when he is busy with an activity or watching TV/ipad, but if I play the spidey or hotwheels tune he pays attention straight away. I wouldn’t be overly concerned at that particular one to be honest unless you’ve been told
otherwise by a professional m.

I would definitely try to remove the TV/screens as much as you can, from experience it causes more trouble than it’s worth. My son used to have awful tantrums over it so we just banned it entirely and he was like a new child. If you do put on shows try to watch the less stimulating ones - puffin rock is really good as is Giant Jack (both Netflix). I know you’ve said she isn’t bothered by it being turned off, and my son wasn’t at her age either it started later. My son also used to twirl his feet when something he liked came on the TV or excited him, he’s outgrown it now so it would be good to see if she stops twirling once you remove the TV all together.

Speech wise my son has always been very chatty but my friends little girl who turned 3 a few months ago hardly said a word until she was 2 1/2. She also spent alot of time babbling or just saying nothing and pointing. She also didn’t walk until she was 2. She has no signs of being ND at age 3.

You can also google Ages and Stages questionnaires online which are what the health visitors use. You can get them for all ages so worth doing and spending some time filling them out properly by observing your child not just filling in from memory. If you get mostly ‘Not Yet’ it might be worth speaking to your health visitor again.

I always find these threads end up full of people talking about ND as soon as a few common traits are mentioned - obviously it could well be that, but your daughter could also be completely NT as well so don’t just presume she may be autistic etc. It’s why they don’t tend to try and diagnose at such a young age. As you have seen from my post my NT son and friends NT child also did a few of the things your daughter is currently doing, I would just keep an eye on things and see how they go and trust you gut if you feel you aren’t getting the support you need.

My son is diagnosed with ASD. He had a lot more signs than you mention at 18 months. For example, more easily upset than other children, spent a lot of the day crying. His sleep was absolutely terrible, waking up every 1-2 hours. Your daughter sounds like most toddlers I’ve met before, apart from the seizures which could be a completely separate issue.

Can I just say that even if your daughter turns out to have ASD, it’s just a difference, that’s all. My son is lovely.

Agree, ditch the TV. It has nothing positive to offer at her age. If you need her to be distracted then get a playpen or a travel cot so you can cook etc and chat to her. Other than that, it’s hard to say - what’s her shared attention like? Does she point? Does she do any imaginative play, like pretend to drink from a cup? I have absence seizures, and have done since I was a baby, so do both my kids and none of us have autism, we’re all NT and no issues.

As others have said it’s too soo to tell tjouggh admittedly there are some red flags in your post. Have you discussed with your HV? I also agree with others that an 18 month old really doesn’t need tv, especially if you have developmental concerns

A regression in skills is a concern. Look up the m-chat and see how she does on that. Does she show joint attention - point at something and look at you, this is actually a really important thing at 18m.
(Mum to an autistic little boy who regressed at c 22 months, was a bit like a switch was turned off). Look up some basic play tactics to get on her level and interact. Please try not to worry too much but have been there and know your fears.

Theres some evidence to suggest autistic kids learn better from screens. Definitely true for my boy. Programmes are often also a source of gestalts for communication. My boy also regulates himself using familiar favourite programs watched repetitively.
So please everyone be mindful that you might actually be doing harm by telling a parent of a potentially autistic child to eliminate TV altogether.

For some people autism is not just a difference. It's a massive spectrum and affects everyone differently
I wouldn't be too concerned at this stage Op your child is very young
If there is something like Autism /ADHD things will become increasingly apparent and asks for referrals to the community paediatrician, Portage etc.

Can I just say that autismn is a huge spectrum and for some it's a lot more than just a difference.

@x2boys sorry if I expressed it wrongly. I suspect I am autistic myself but in the 80s there wasn’t much diagnosis of girls going on.

It hasn’t always been easy with my son, I’ve been hit many times and the meltdowns and dislike of going anywhere has been isolating. But I know some parents of autistic children face much more difficult challenges, I’m sorry if that is the case for you.

I agree with PP who said that skill regression is very concerning. You need to reach out to your HV if you haven’t already