Feel so lost don't know what to do anymore

Catontoof · 2025-03-08T18:52:23+00:00

I'm parenting a teen Dd13 on my own and feel such a failure anyway. I don't have any family and my mum has mh needs and takes over a lot of life when she decides too. So every day I feel like I'm told im shit ehether it's my mum work and now heartbreakingly my dd. I know she's a teenager and learning but I am honestly struggling so much she won't go to anyone's or let anyone else in she says she hates everyone. I honestly don't know what to do anymore today for about half an hour I just really didn't want to be on this earth anymore I feel like my mum my dad my family everyone hates me. I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself

GoodVibesHere · 08/03/2025 18:55

Well no wonder you're feeling rubbish, it sounds like you're not getting any support or kind words. Teenagers can be so, so hard. Sometimes their behaviour can chip away at your self-esteem.

Original poster

Catontoof · 08/03/2025 19:15

GoodVibesHere · 08/03/2025 18:55

Well no wonder you're feeling rubbish, it sounds like you're not getting any support or kind words. Teenagers can be so, so hard. Sometimes their behaviour can chip away at your self-esteem.

I know I'm not supposed to take it personally but I have I feel like a complete and utter failure in every way and I'm looking at other people who all seem to have lives and I just feel even worse

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Freshflower · 08/03/2025 20:24

I too feel like a failure a lot of the time and no family around to help, the kids can say things that really make you feel a million times worse. Teenagers are hard work anyway.

You are not a failure in any way , I'm sure you have done the best you can and it can be so very hard without any support. Is there anything local, such as clubs , family centres etc or any kind support for you and your daughter? I pray you will find some peace and not think of yourself as a failure

Zanina · 08/03/2025 20:26

Would you be able to take a sick week off work and just recharge? Your child and mother dont need to know you're off for the week. I know it may sound selfish but just avoid and ignore them both at least for parts of the evening. You need to stabilise your mind. They will both be fine.

AlternativeView · 08/03/2025 20:37

Op I'm struggling also, there is a good guide on fb about parenting resistant children. Just try and ignore the bad behaviour and keep going
When she does something positive praise her. Try not to get stuck in a rut

Original poster

Catontoof · 08/03/2025 23:46

Thank you all
I spoke to her tonight in the way that I wish someone spoke to me in that situation and it worked. But now I have my mother going off
you are all right I need to keep myself mentally well so I am going to ignore for a while focus on me and my child.
some of you may have seen my last post but she suffers so badly with her period snd has tried the contraceptive pill. We both think this has made it worse. I can sleep happier I knowing she knows she is loved

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sprigatito · 08/03/2025 23:56

Catontoof · 08/03/2025 23:46

Thank you all
I spoke to her tonight in the way that I wish someone spoke to me in that situation and it worked. But now I have my mother going off
you are all right I need to keep myself mentally well so I am going to ignore for a while focus on me and my child.
some of you may have seen my last post but she suffers so badly with her period snd has tried the contraceptive pill. We both think this has made it worse. I can sleep happier I knowing she knows she is loved

You're in the same position as a lot of us - trying to be a positive and consistent loving mother when a) your own mother didn't show you how to do that, and b) your child is a prickly volatile teenager who gives very little back. It's bloody hard, lonely, exhausting and thankless.But you ARE doing it! Somehow, even though you are feeling so low and lost, you still managed to show love and treat her the way you would have liked to be treated. You have mothering instincts and you are following them. Have confidence in yourself and don't blame yourself for having feelings - of course we take it personally when they are sodding rude and ungrateful. Teenagers are at their least lovable when they are most in need of love. They can be really cruel, they don't always know their own strength, and deep down they don't really believe they can hurt you, because you're their safe person and they trust you to be there no matter what.

Use MN to vent and get support from others in the same position, it saved my bacon many times. And give yourself some credit for the great job you're doing. You're not alone.

Original poster

Catontoof · 09/03/2025 00:02

sprigatito · 08/03/2025 23:56

You're in the same position as a lot of us - trying to be a positive and consistent loving mother when a) your own mother didn't show you how to do that, and b) your child is a prickly volatile teenager who gives very little back. It's bloody hard, lonely, exhausting and thankless.But you ARE doing it! Somehow, even though you are feeling so low and lost, you still managed to show love and treat her the way you would have liked to be treated. You have mothering instincts and you are following them. Have confidence in yourself and don't blame yourself for having feelings - of course we take it personally when they are sodding rude and ungrateful. Teenagers are at their least lovable when they are most in need of love. They can be really cruel, they don't always know their own strength, and deep down they don't really believe they can hurt you, because you're their safe person and they trust you to be there no matter what.

Use MN to vent and get support from others in the same position, it saved my bacon many times. And give yourself some credit for the great job you're doing. You're not alone.

Show quote history

Thank you you are spot on
its made me realise what I'm most upset about is when I confided in mother she completely turned it on me and it's made me realise all the shitgy shitty things she has done which as you say were never showing any love at all

you are right teenagers are hard but once I had calmed down it was ok. Im
mot happy with how I responded at first I really shouted at her but uv written a list of things im
not going to say anymore I don't want to hurt her how I know it feels to be hurt

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FetchezLaVache · 09/03/2025 00:56

I can sleep happier I knowing she knows she is loved

That's the key to it all, really! It sounds like you really had a breakthrough moment with your DD.

It's the two of you against the world.

Tell your mum to stay the hell away from you until she can demonstrate the same care for her daughter that you do for yours. Seriously.

What's the story with work?

Original poster

Catontoof · 09/03/2025 07:32

I hope so. You're right it is.
iv decided to make a doctors appointment this week and get suport for the way I feel but actually stock
yonit this time

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