Partner not taking interest

[seethebeauty84]

I've been with my partner for 9 months. He's a great guy, normally very romantic and attentive. He works away a lot and I notice that when he's away a lot of our messages are just what he's been up to, where he's been etc. Which slightly frustrates me but is usually kind of fair enough as he's doing far more exotic things and he does ask about me a bit. However, the last time I spoke to him was 5 days ago and I was upset that day (crying on the phone) about unrelated matters, including the fact that I've got a chronic illness at the moment (nothing sinister / terminal but it's making life harder to function with). I also started a degree two days ago, which I have been excited about. He has messaged since we spoke 5 days ago but has forgotten I've started my degree and has not asked how I am / what I've been up to. Messages are nice, says he misses me, loves me etc, but basically just an update on all he has been doing. I'm miffed! AIBU? Tempted to say something but want to check I'm not being over sensitive first. TIA.

Honeymoon period is over for him
Could go either way ie get closer or he loses interest (or you)

Perhaps he knows what the response will be when he asks you how you are…. Ie you’re suffering with your chronic illness?

do you work? Have hobbies? Or just him to look forward to seeing?

You have three very young children and lost your husband not even 16 months ago?

Modernskylines. Yes, what's your point? I cared for, and grieved, my husband for a long time before he died as he was terminally ill. I will love him forever but sadly he's never coming back. I unexpectedly fell in love with a friend who is also a widower, so who is the only person I know who can actually understand how I feel.

To answer your other questions, not working as having a career change (hence the new degree) but a very, very busy life full of family, friends and hobbies.

Perhaps when it's about something he can't "fix" he hasn't really got anything? Doesn't mean he doesn't care.

You started this relationship with three very young children and a chronic illness less than 6 months after you lost their father

FGS he’s not interested anymore and surely you have three still very unsettled kids to deal with an a chronic illness

I will leave you to it

Modernskylines. It wasn't 6 months after and, wow, what a lack of compassion. If I came across someone who had been through the hell I have, I would wish them every chance at happiness (as indeed everyone in my life has). I know now how short life can be. Count yourself lucky that you clearly do not understand at all. My new partner has been the best healer for my children. If you can't say anything nice, perhaps you should refrain from saying anything at all.

November 2023
9 month new relationship

ok Op you crack on

And you’ve already introduced the new partner on to your children’s lives

of course you have

I'm not going to keep arguing with an internet troll who has zero empathy but if you'd read my first post you would have seen that this man was a FRIEND (of many, many years) and so he was already in my children's lives. And they are doing very well, not that you seem to care, and much better for it. My late husband wanted me to find love quickly so I have no idea why a random stranger on the internet has such a problem with it!

It sounds as though he’s distracted. Probably better to have any conversation around these concerns in person.

I can't see where OP has mentioned in her post that she has 3 kids and lost her husband? Am I blind?

Could be - thanks so much for your helpful comment!

I think you're probably right - thank you.

Quite. I didn't, did I? Modernskylines has clearly looked me up to try to find something she can be mean about.

I think he’s talking shit and throwing you breadcrumbs to keep you interested.

I would be very surprised if he wasn’t with another woman while ‘working away’.

Sorry OP. Focus on yourself. Not a man who can’t even ask if you’re OK.

I hate when people go looking for shit to throw.

Texts are a bit of a weird communication style. Some people are more “in person” people, and see texts as just a little piece of info.

How is he when you call/ see him face to face. If you’re apart how about a FaceTime to see how things are?

Dating is a discovery phase, even if you knew him before.

He sounds pretty selfish to me.

Wow why do your posts remind me of a playground bully ?
If you don't agree , just ignore the post , not act like a stalker

Why do you need him to be asking you about this stuff? He just maybe isn't interested in your degree? Wouldn't average man even remember a birthday date for friends and extended family if it wasn't for their mothers/partners etc...
I am surrounded by people who have been together for years who don't have that much interest in each other's jobs, etc.. as long as it's balanced out with some degree of interest and respect in other areas, I think you are being too needy.

OP.. ignore the void of empathy haters, life is short and do whatever you can to feel some joy in this world.
Some people lose their husbands/wives to the illness far sooner than the day of their death anyway.
In regards to him.. some people aren't great texters, I've known men who are really shit texters but amazing in person. Some who are prolific texters but quiet in person. I've known people with chronic illnesses and do stop asking how they are every time as the answer is always the same. Maybe he just forgot about the degree, maybe work been busy.. if he's saying he missed you etc I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe start calling/video calling more rather than texting.