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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For calling DH selfish

17 replies

Hsshhddhdn1 · 08/03/2025 17:22

I’ll accept if I’m in the wrong for this one. Our neighbour, let’s call her Carly, has 2 dc. They are very young (12 months apart). The youngest is 5 months. We had her over a week ago, and she seemed anxious, tired, overwhelmed- everything you could imagine with young babies. She’s a real warrior I don’t know how she does it. She has expressed that their sleeping schedules are here there and everywhere and she is really overwhelmed. We live on a quiet road, not much noise pollution at all. DH orders a take out every now and again and I previously asked if he could collect it at the end of the road which is like a 30 second walk to avoid waking up their kids. We are both across from each other at the end of the road. Last night at like 11 or midnight he ordered a take out and I offered to grab it for him. It’s not fair he would have to get up when the whole idea of ubereats is convenience. He said I was dressed inappropriately (shorts) and he’ll get it. But low and behold I heard him and a very noisy Uber driver at our doorstep and the sound of a car engine. I know, most babies should sleep through this but if there’s the smallest chance they will wake up it seems inconsiderate to not consider that. I asked why he didn’t just let me grab it and he responded “that’s not my problem” which in my opinion lacks empathy. We have both had horrible nights with the kids not sleeping or waking up in the middle of the night. Seems short sighted he wouldn’t even try and lessen the noise. But then again it could just be me projecting my own feelings and those kids are sound asleep. He was upset I called him selfish which I now regret. Aibu?

OP posts:
OverthinkingOlive · 08/03/2025 17:23

Yeah it was a dick move

sometimesmovingforwards · 08/03/2025 17:25

It feels like a nonevent.

Ablondiebutagoody · 08/03/2025 17:28

What about when you go out in your car? Will you push it to the end of the road? I think that you are making a big deal about nothing

toomuchfaff · 08/03/2025 17:38

So hold on, you created a zero noise policy on behalf of your neighbour, (without any confirmation it was needed or welcomed), and then berated DP because they didn't uphold your zero noise policy. Accused them of lacking empathy (for a problem you assumed existed).

You don't even know if noise is an issue, yet you create a problem in your own relationship to benefit a neighbour (who didn't ask, or complain about noise).

Sounds batshit.

If you're wanting to give her a break, look after the kids while she takes a nap!

Zingy123 · 08/03/2025 17:40

This reply has been deleted

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Boredlass · 08/03/2025 17:42

No way I’d be collecting my takeaway at the end of the road in order to not make noise. What about summer time? Are you not going to have evenings in your garden as well? Ridiculous

pictoosh · 08/03/2025 17:42

You want your dh to leave the house to collect takeaways at the end of the road to avoid disturbing your neighbour's kids?

They're not his responsibility.

KrisAkabusi · 08/03/2025 17:45

Sorry, but this seems madness. Not allowing traffic to your door in case it disturbs babies that may or may not wake up, or may or may not even be asleep? And they're not even in your house?! I'm team husband here.

ginasevern · 08/03/2025 17:46

Firstly, Carly isn't a "real warrior". Presumably she wasn't forced at gun point to have two kids. I've heard of far greater acts of bravery and human deprivation. Secondly, whilst I would draw the line at my DH hosting a drug fuelled rave, I think restricting your daily activities because one of your neighbours has a baby is bonkers. Thirdly, (and a little off piste) why the hell is he ordering a takeaway at midnight?

bigknickersbigknockers · 08/03/2025 17:50

Are you going to stop any other cars going up and down the street? You sound a bit mad to be honest.

ohyesido · 08/03/2025 17:57

Why are you so concerned with your neighbour to the point where you'd tell your DH off for such a normal thing as getting a takeaway delivered to your door?

Hsshhddhdn1 · 08/03/2025 17:57

bigknickersbigknockers · 08/03/2025 17:50

Are you going to stop any other cars going up and down the street? You sound a bit mad to be honest.

No it’s a quiet cul de sac. Other neighbours r elderly/ don’t really make any night trips. Seemed mindful just in case the engine woke up the kids. I’ll apologise to husband swiftly as my intentions were never bad. Or as many people have so graciously said weird/ batshit or connotation of creepy.

OP posts:
ohyesido · 08/03/2025 18:00

Just unusual to go to such lengths to preserve your neighbour's peace.

We have a joker who likes to rev his engine around 3am in the court outside our home, the old girl opposite has been known to throw things off the balcony at him

WilmaTitsDrop · 08/03/2025 18:01

Absolutely ridiculous.

How are the kids going to learn to sleep through perfectly normal noise, if they're not exposed to it?

What if your DH worked nights, would you make him park in the next road?

Delivery drivers will only deliver to an actual address around here anyway and wouldn't meet the customer at the top of the road.

Topseyt123 · 08/03/2025 18:13

I think you have created a problem that didn't exist there.

No way would I try to stop any delivery driver coming to my house because of a neighbour's babies. I wouldn't go to the end of the road to collect it either. Nor would it ever have occurred to me to expect/hope that any of my own neighbours would have done that when my babies were born. I'd have expected them to be getting on with their lives, even if it was getting late at night. A takeaway delivery isn't that noisy and just takes a few minutes.

So, I'm actually with your DH. He was just having some food delivered, not throwing a raving party. Your neighbour's babies are not his/your problem and you just need to be reasonably considerate, not sneak around intercepting delivery drivers. That's crazy, and unwarranted.

Endofyear · 08/03/2025 19:31

It's nice that you feel sympathy for your neighbour. Yes having small children is tiring but she hasn't expressed a need for you to keep quiet and it's quite likely that the children would sleep through a bit of car noise or voices outside the house. Mine slept through all sorts of noise and it's best to get them used to it and not tiptoe around them! Calling your husband selfish was a bit strong, it sounds like he was a bit irritated that's all.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 08/03/2025 19:40

I get it op, you seem like a nice person.

I'd apologize to your husband though.

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