Skinny Shaming?

[NoSourDough]

In a shop today with DD (almost 13) when she told me the bag she was carrying was giving her a paper cut. Out of nowhere an older lady appeared and declared “well maybe if you ate some food your bag wouldn’t be so heavy!” and walked off in the queue with her husband.

At first me and DD were a bit shocked, it was a card shop and I was looking through the cards and as I did so was registering what she just said.

My daughter is tall yet small framed, a bit like me and my DH were when we were her age. If she was a bigger girl and that woman had fat shamed her it would have been completely unacceptable.

We queued up and she was about 3 in front of me and I decided I wanted to pull her up on it as my daughter is very size and weight sensitive and I knew this comment had stung.

Unfortunately she left the shop and after I couldn’t find her in the market square as I wanted to say to her that I felt that comment was unacceptable.

am I being unreasonable to feel this way or over sensitive here?

Yep, it’s fine to insult thin people, but somehow being overweight is far more acceptable and people wouldn’t dream of commenting on it. Strange

I assume this bit “ being overweight is far more acceptable and people wouldn’t dream of commenting on it” is sarcasm?

No! Being a bit overweight is more common than being a bit underweight, and somehow people thinks this allows them to comment. I was always a bit skinny, my sister was always a bit chubby. She had a far easier time as a teenager!

I’ve never been skinny but I find it so rude that people feel it’s ok to say that to anyone, far less a young girl. Dismissing it is also rubbish, you’re quite right to be upset @NoSourDough

I thought you were going to be talking about Elish McColgan - the comments she gets about her frame are appalling and has recently been calling them out.

Then you are being ridiculous. Fat people get abuse all the time. You only need to spend 5 minutes on social media to know that many people not only dream of commenting on fat people’s weight, but actively abuse them. Shaming anyone for their weight is unacceptable whatever their size but to genuinely think that fat people don’t mountains of abuse is just ludicrous.

After years of people saying “I need a bit more meat on my bones” yet no one asking my sister if she’d consider a diet - we can agree to differ

That's because being thin is seen as a positive thing and being overweight isn't. They therefore don't think what they've said to you is an insult...it's actually viewed by them as a compliment. They know that being overweight is seen by society as being negative therefore pointing it out is seen as mean.

I think it’s often envy

One anecdote does not change facts

But it isn't brought in in that way - it is almost aggressive in the way it is compared - almost like those fat people deserve it - if it had been compared in a more understanding sympathetic way - bit of solidarity- I don't think you would get such a row on these threads.

Well I think it's one of those things which can make an interesting thread, so thanks for posting it, OP @NoSourDough

I've had that said to me, it's horrible, in whose head is that ever a compliment?!

No justification whatsoever. It isn't a compliment and should always be called out so people know it isn't a compliment.

Just prepare yourself to say ‘how rude!’ Calmly to people who are rude.

No need to go into all the politics and sensitivities of a senseless comment. The main thing is, it was rude to comment.

Skinny shaming comments are absolutely not intended as a compliment. They almost always (in my experience) come from other women who are often not as slight as the person they aim them at and you know by the tone of voice, facial expressions and past comments history of that individual that they are 100% intended to shame and hurt you.

what a horrible thing to say. I don’t think anyone would think it is acceptable for someone to speak to someone this way. That woman sounds unhinged tbh.

I’ve been fat and normal weight for my height - which believe it or not was 7 stone 9. Yes, 7 stone 9 is within the normal range for my height. Yet when I was this weight some people who I thought were friends called me ‘anorexic’ which was absolutely untrue. Others were very supportive of my weight loss. But losing weight definitely helps you identity who isn’t on your side in life iyswim