Child sleeping with grandma

8 replies

Chickencuddle · 08/03/2025 08:09

I think i know I'm being unreasonable. But just need to talk about it and hear what other people think.
My kids are age 12. 9 and 6. They have never stayed at grandparents house. We don't have a close relationship with them. (They are my husbands dad and stepmum)
They live in England. We live in Ireland. They come visit sometimes. Maybe twice a year.
When they come They don't take the kids they just stay go on a few days out with us and most of the time they just do their own thing.
They came this time and said they wanted to pick kids up from school. That's fine I said and agreed a time to come get them. When I got there they had told the kids they could stay the night without asking me first. My 6 year old very excitedly told me and I felt put on the spot but agreed as didn't really see a problem. However there was only 1 double and 1 single so two of my kids would have to share. Not a problem they've done that before.
This morning I learn that my 6 yer old ended up sharing a bed with her nana and grandad slept on couch. They said kids didn't want to share.
I just feel a bit uncomfortable with it all. I feel like they sprung this on me and gave me no choice. I messaged to see how it was going and got no reply until this morning. They were very cool with me and rushed me out it was clear they didn't want me there.
I know they are their grandparents but it's not your usual grandparent/child relationship and I feel like they should have spoken to me first.
I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable I've not said anything as I feel unreasonable but can't help how I feel.

OP posts:

Mulledjuice · 08/03/2025 08:12

It sounds like a sensible solution to the kids not wanting to share the double.

But you don't have to allow it again if you're not comfortable with them staying over.

I can certainly understand why you'd be wary of grandparents who don't seem that hands on when they visit you but think they can do overnight care in their home.

Catza · 08/03/2025 08:21

You are OK to feel how you feel but this doesn't mean you need to do anything about it. They are not strangers despite your feelings about them. It seems a perfectly reasonable solution if kids refused to share.
I am a bit confused about where all of this took place and how 5 people managed to sleep in two beds and a couch without anyone but grandma and the youngest sharing.

thepariscrimefiles · 08/03/2025 08:23

What does your DH think? Does he have a good relationship with his step-mum? It does seem a bit odd for them to be so distant and have very little contact with your children but then expect to have a sleepover.

Ablondiebutagoody · 08/03/2025 08:49

Kids sound happy with it so no problem

Nothanks17 · 08/03/2025 12:29

I wouldn't like it, they should have at least asked first. Seems like you don't see them often enough for that to be ok

SquigglePigs · 08/03/2025 12:59

My DD sometimes climbs into her Grandparents bed when she stays there. Depending on the time my DM either gets her to just snuggle quietly for a bit or my DDad moves into the spare room and DD goes back to sleep with my DM. She often does the same with us at home though so this is her normal and my parents have been hands on since she was tiny.

I slept in my DGM's bed sometimes growing up too. Again, close relationship from very little though.

I can understand you feeling a little uncomfortable as this has been a big jump from their usual way of operating, but in and of itself, a 6 year old sharing with Grandma doesn't seem like a big deal.

InALonelyWorld · 08/03/2025 13:16

Understandably with the dynamic you have then your feelings of unease are valid. So I'd advise you to trust your own judgement and make that boundary.

I sometimes shared a bed with DGPs growing up either by choice or convenience. Even as an adult on holiday me and DGM would often get a double rather than a twin room. However I had an extremely close relationship with them so I wouldn't have been concerned with my own DC doing it.

On the other hand it would be a different story if it was my mother but she wouldn't get the chance to be alone with DC anyways.

Freshflower · 08/03/2025 15:08

They should have asked first. I had this ewth grandparents just springing things on me , making arrangements through the children , like oh we ars taking them on holiday arent we children, we will be having a sleep over won't we. They do it on purpose so you are very much put on the spot and if you say no , you are the bad one.
As for sleeping in with nana. I get that would make you feel very uncomfortable as you are not close to them.
I'd say next time they want a sleep over can you please ask us first hopefully they will respect you

Flip