AIBU about my birthday?

[BirthdayWoe]

I had a significant birthday earlier this week - one ending in zero. I'm not much of a party person, so I wasn't planning a celebration, but AIBU about my friends, family and colleagues?

I've recently started a new job, and one of the team had a birthday the week before mine, our manager bought a cake, and general chat turned to who had the next birthday, and I mentioned the date of mine, several of them definitely heard. The date comes around and nothing, not even a card. I'd made some biscuits as I like to bake, and taken them in, and no-one asked what the occasion was.

Also, I was part of a group of friends, all of around the same age, and every time someone in the group has reached the same milestone birthday, the rest of the group have clubbed together and got them a nice gift. Nothing expensive, just nice things that we know the birthday person would like.
For my birthday - no gift, nothing, apart from generic social media birthday greetings.
Eventually it transpires that they 'thought it was 2026'. Even though I'd made my full DoB visible on facebook some weeks ago, and there had several been previous conversations about who was the next to reach that particular milestone. I've left the group chat, and had some defensive messages about how they 'didn't do it on purpose'.

Then the gift from my sister and her family was a donation in my name to Save the Whales. I am quite overweight.

I am supposed to be meeting said sister and family for lunch tomorrow, and right now I can't stop crying. WIBU to cancel the lunch and stay at home in bed all day? I don't think I could get through the lunch without crying and no-one needs to see that.

Noone looks at FB birthday dates so that part YABU.

You are at a new job so that part YABU.

Your friends think you are younger than you are! That's a win and a tad annoying but sounds like a genuine mistake.

Your sister and family are downright nasty. YANBU about that. Cancel lunch and tell her why.

I should mention that the new job isn't one where I've joined an existing team, it's an entirely new team put together for this project, so we all met for the first time on the day we all started.

At work you could have said it’s your birthday if you wanted people to notice why you brought the cakes in. I know it’s hard, but it’s an adult environment for work, it isn’t family. Is it possible you’re hoping work will fill the hole that family aren’t properly filling?

I think as an adult you have to make your own birthday what you want it to be. Buy a cake, tell people, have a party, value yourself enough to make it go how you want it to go.

Did you mention it was your (milestone) birthday in the lead up to your friends or colleagues?

I'm guessing with your colleagues it's not personal they just didn't realise.

Your friends were a bit slack and if they are good friends they would be apologising profusely whilst making a plan for you right now. If they aren't then they are not good friends.

Your sisters a dick, that's a crap milestone birthday present. If you're not in the mood cancel the meal you don't owe them anything.

I'm sorry, OP. That's awful.

I think it's a poor show from your colleagues acknowledging one team members birthday and completely ignoring yours.

Your friends should have done better, too.

But the worst, and my God, how awful is your sister. What a truly horrible thing to do.

I have no advice. But I'm sorry you've experienced such poor treatment from people who are supposed to care. ♥️

Tbh, if anything, I'd probably confront the sister. I wouldn't want anything to do with her or her family after that, so I'd probably say something to her about how horrible it was.

I meant to add, do you have anyone else, OP? A partner, children, parents, other siblings? Is there anyone else who has shown at least some care? I really hope so x

OP, in the nicest possible way, is it perhaps possible that you are being a little oversensitive? Your sister I am sure did not in any way equate saving whales with your being overweight - I certainly wouldn’t have done: I would have thought (especially if you are eco-conscious/animal friendly) that I was doing a nice thing in your name. You’re in a new team at work, so even though you mentioned your birthday, it clearly didn’t register - people are not generally deliberately unkind, especially not to new work colleagues. And your friends made a mistake - not nice for you, but it happens. I fear that if you wanted people to make more of a fuss for your birthday, you have to be a little more direct, along the lines of “folks, I can’t believe I’m 30 next week -who’d like to come out for a drink to help me celebrate?” Other people may well have a lot going on: I’m sure it’s an oversight rather than a deliberate slight. I’m very sorry you’re so upset, and I do think you should go out for lunch with your sister. I don’t know what your relationship with her is, but she might be very upset to think she’d made you unhappy on your birthday, and it’s other family as well, who are in all probability looking forward to a “birthday” lunch with you. You won’t make yourself feel any better by staying at home!

What a load of rubbish!

FB literally says in the birthday notification "Trabbling is 40 years old" or whatever!

And they're all new on the work team.

And friends should know if you're having a big birthday.

So sorry OP, that's all a bit shit, but happy birthday from me ❤️

My FB doesn't say that at all.

At the time I posted she hadn't explained that it was a new team altogether.

Unless you bleat on continuously about how old you are why would a friendship group know specifically.

You seem very angry! Chill.

I can see why you are upset. Similar thing happened to me and I felt very hurt by it. (My 60th was ignored by work colleagues) yet I was asked to contribute to someone's else's 60th in same group afterwards.
I think retreat into your cave and think about what you really want, then you do all the organizing and make it happen as you want next year.

As to your sister, please ask her gently why she chose that present for you. And listen to her answer. If she flusters or blusters tell her very clearly how upset you are, and cancel lunch. If she has a genuine reason for it thank her and go out and enjoy lunch together.

Good luck POP and happy birthday from me. xx

Aw that sucks. I hate birthdays at work, I find it quite common that people are treated inequitably. Now I just don’t tell colleagues when mine is. And, they’re only colleagues - they’re not friends or family.

I’d like to hope your sister didn’t mean anything by the “save the whales” thing, although it’s an odd gift unless you’re particularly into whales which I assume you are not. I’m a cat lover and would be quite happy with a donation to a cat charity - I don’t need more “stuff” - but if it were any other type of charity I would probably find it quite odd.

If it were me I’d probably buy myself a birthday bottle of wine and enjoy it by myself!