Help me choose when my 2 year old goes to nursery!

[elm26]

DH and I just cannot decide what to do!

DD is 2 in May, we were going to put her in Nursery from September for 15-20 hours a week.

Now I'm pregnant and due in September.

We don't know whether this will all be a bit too much for her, 2 massive life changes within a couple of weeks.

Our current options are:

1 - start her earlier than September so that she's used to it however we won't be entitled to the 15 free hours so will cost us a fair bit whilst preparing for 2nd baby.

2 - send in September and hope for the best that it's not all too much for her.

3 - start in January and risk that she becomes attached to being with the baby all day.

I know I might be overthinking this, my hormones are all over the place and she's my first baby, I want to do what's best for her and what will be easiest to transition into.

What would you do or what have you done in our situation?

Thanks in advance!

YABU

Could she attend before September, but for less hours? That's what we did with our daughter until eligible for funding - could only afford one day a week until we got the free hours.

I'd go for 3

how many hours are we talking? I’d do option two but do like 4 mornings or 3 full days maybe

Personally I’d wait until January

I'd just keep her at home for longer. Probably aim for nursery next year.

If you're eligible for funded hours in September, then why not before? Just get your code by 31st March.

Wait until Jan. Or even longer if you are off on maternity leave for a year.

You should be eligible for 15 hours now for children the term after they then 9 months. Does the nursery do half days? Could you start of with mornings only to give her some routine and you time alone with baby then increases the hours.

I will be home anyway so I'm not fussed if she doesn't go every day.

It's more of a "we want her to go to nursery, mix with children out of our friendship group, learn new things and trust that although we won't be there, she is absolutely fine" kind of sending her to nursery rather than a necessity because of work so 1 day a week would be fine financially until September.

Maybe we will look into that!

Start her earlier. We were advised that any big changes (re potty training, bed, giving up soothers etc) to have settled for the child ideally 2-3 months before 2nd child comes home, so the eldest doesn't associate the two.

I can understand why you're worried about the two happening at the same time. I'd go for either option 1 or 3 but either should work OK.

With option 1, you dont need to go much earlier - maybe just July and get her settled.

She is very young still. Also one day a week will be a disaster for settling! 3 hours 4 days would be much better for her, but appreciate really bad for work but that doesn’t matter so much when you are on maternity leave.

Also, children don’t really play with other children until nearer 3. It’s all parallel play at this age so nursery has limited benefits until 3 if you don’t need to use it.

I’d start her in April next year. 4 days of 3 hours if your nursery will let you.

Based on experience of settling DD when she was little you may find that once a week isn't enough for her to settle as the gap between sessions is too long. That was certainly the view of our nursery when we were finding it hard.

You may find two half days works better for her than one full day.

Just something for you to think about perhaps.

Mine are similar spacing but eldest had already been in daycare because I went back to work in between. There were no free places until age4 back then so I had both with me most of the time until I went back to work . It was really hard work. I think you might find it even harder to settle eldest into nursery with a new baby- or is it just me that struggled to leave the house on any kind of schedule with a newborn? I think if finances permit starting in the summer would allow your eldest settle in and for you to get some rest before the new baby arrives. Maybe talk to the nursery about it - if you delay will the place be available? Think about the logistics of picking up and dropping off toddler with new baby. Apart from finances it’s also about when you think your toddler will benefit from nursery - kids mature at different rates.

I'd do 1 or 3. There may be an advantage to her starting earlier in terms of somewhere for her to go that isn't about the baby and a break for you to spend with your second. But she is young and settling may be a challenge that continues until September. A January start may be easier in terms of her being that but older, but by then having a younger sibling may also make it harder to separate from you. I don't think you can know what the right answer is just weigh up all the factors and go for what you think is best.

1. It's very unlikely she will become attached to being with the baby all day, she will probably be really happy to go and play with children her own age once the novelty wears off.

That was supposed to say 3. Not sure why it has come up like that.

Definitely option 1 or 3. Once a week is unlikely to work and lots of nurseries won’t let you because it makes it hard for children to settle. Are you sure you’d cope ok with a newborn and her full time at home? You may get a dream baby, or you may not. I’d go for option 1 personally.

Yes start her sooner, you will be able to give her your time, support and attention while she settles. If you wait until January then you won't be able to do that as much because you'll have the baby too and she might get jealous of you abandoning her at nursery while you and the baby go home.

Just as a heads up my DS started when he was 13 months old. Took 5-6 weeks to settle. He did 2 days initially and did terribly, when that increased to 3 days he did much better. He had several months of going in happily and not even looking back at us but from about 21 months he's had horrible separation anxiety at drop off and cries and reaches out to whoever is dropping him off. It's heartbreaking. They do say that he's happy when he's in the room and sees the toys and his friends though, so who knows!

I’m in a similar position to you. My DC turns two at a similar time as yours and I’m expecting soon.

We’ve decided to put off nursery though until they’re closer to three given I’m a SAHM and it’s not necessary for me to work. DC does loads of structured activities and has many opportunities to socialise. We also keep busy when at home too. I liked the idea of one day a week from maybe 2.5 if we felt ready then but it seems impossible to get less than two or even three days in some places here!

I personally wouldn’t have the two coinciding ie starting her when the baby is due.

I mean nursery isn’t necessary as childcare for me to go to work.*