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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why’s he done this?

23 replies

BeNimbleDenimRobin · 07/03/2025 20:50

hi, please no nasty comments, I’m just wondering why someone would of done this/ someones insight
a month ago I met this man & we met for the first time as a group with two friends. He knew one of the friends already (man) so that broke the ice. Things happened quite fast like he was telling me he loved me before our second and proper date. I’ve had horrendous experiences with men in the past so I didn’t get too invested but was very open to seeing where things went and I suppose I did like him quite a fair bit. However, things changed. Quite early on, he kept cancelling plans sometimes a day in advance saying he would be tired like he could predict the future. He cancelled on me twice and the last time I saw him I went to his for some drinks in his garden- the original plan was to stay late and have a fire in the garden with a Chinese takeaway but he randomly said he was knackered and wanted me to go soon. We quarrelled over these issues and he seemed apologetic at first so I said I was sorry for nagging and I just cared- a month in for all this Agro, I know! The final straw was when last night it was arranged and suggested by him for me him and my best friend to go for karaoke night at our local bar. When he texted me earlier that day after I said”can’t wait to see you tonight xxxx” he just point blank said he couldn’t do it. I opened the message and left it as I didn’t want to fight and men just don’t respond to reasoning it seems. I was not aggressive I just left him to it. He then kept sending me messages throughout the day gaslighting me for not opening his. Two included “why you moody for” & my personal favourite “is this really how it’s going to go?”
I ignored them and had a lovely night with my mate. Then around 1am he was sending me paragraphs saying I didn’t care about him & that he wants me more than I want him. I calmly told him I was sick of him letting me down and then he sent messages saying I couldn’t deal with plan changes, basically putting the blame on me and the usual script of how he hopes I find someone that can give me what I want. There’s been no contact since then but what I find interesting is a day after that, he’s gone online on a dating app where we met and blocked me off it, he’s also constantly online on Facebook whereas before he wouldn’t use it much. I know it’s none of my business but makes me wonder if there’s someone else. I wonder what’s happened and would like ideas/ wise women’s insights. I am not wasting any more time on him and going to focus on myself and my life but I just don’t understand.
He also kept telling me he loved me very early on & he was on dating apps during our relationship- in the very early stages. He took me on one date whole relationship with lovely bouquet and a card but that was it. After that it was all to come over to his and very sexual.
trying not to be too upset
please no hate xxx

OP posts:
18hourfastcompleted · 07/03/2025 20:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 07/03/2025 20:56

I wouldn't waste head space on him OP, he's flakey as hell, and it obviously annoys/upsets you. It's over. Move on and forget him!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/03/2025 20:57

He's a walking red flag.

Ohdeardearme · 07/03/2025 20:57

I can't believe he asked you over to his and then tried to get you to leave because he was tired. It comes over as though he'd made alternative plans for later.
And yes it sounds as though he was keeping his options open.
I'm really glad you stood up for yourself and that you aren't going to let him mess you about.

JMSA · 07/03/2025 21:07

Block and move on.
He's a pathetic excuse for a man who is not worth your effort or time.

suburberphobe · 07/03/2025 21:08

he was telling me he loved me before our second and proper date.

That's a big red flag by itself OP!

He sounds exhausting quite frankly.

Next! As my gay mate would say lol.

Luddite26 · 07/03/2025 21:12

You have wasted time do not waste any more on him. You are thinking far too much really just move on. And watch your back ge sounds a bit unhinged. Stop wasting your energy on here dwelling on him and instead make sure you tighten all your online stuff up you don't want any stalking etc.

Poppyseeds79 · 07/03/2025 21:13

He sounds crackers! Dodged a bullet there...

Jabtastic · 07/03/2025 21:16

I think you had a narrow escape. Walk away and don't look back.

Didimum · 07/03/2025 22:24

OP, why even bother trying to understand it? He’s an arsehole human and that’s the beginning and end of it. Block, forget and move on.

DarkMagicStars · 07/03/2025 22:29

Fuck him off and never speak to him again.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/03/2025 22:30

Well you’ve definitely dodged a bullet here. As to why he’s behaved like this, some kind of ego boost maybe?

MarshaFromSpaced · 07/03/2025 22:37

Read up on Burned Haystack Dating Method (BHDM). You should never have had a second date with someone who was professing love when you barely knew each other - he was a walking red flag!!

Endofyear · 07/03/2025 22:39

Someone who's saying they love you before the 2nd date would have me running for the hills! This guy is a game player, he's very possibly seeing someone else or multiple people. Don't waste any more of your time analysing what's wrong with him. It doesn't matter. He's a twat and you are well rid of him. Don't give him one more minute of your life thinking about him.

scorpiogirly · 07/03/2025 22:54

He sounds completely unhinged.

ItGhoul · 07/03/2025 23:03

The short answer is that he’s a cunt.

Seriously. That’s really all there is to it. He is behaving like this because he’s a nasty piece of work and probably quite unstable.

He told you he loved you and bought you a bouquet after one date because he wanted sex.

In future, if someone tells you they’re in love with you after one date, run a mile from them.

rubberduck68 · 08/03/2025 12:11

Any man who says he loves you before the second date is a love-bomber, or an emotional child who is socially clueless about what intimate relationships and love actually are. Throw this one back.

KrisAkabusi · 08/03/2025 21:30

He's a dick

You're an idiot for not having run to the hills when he told you he loved you after one date! Nobody normal does that!

Babycatsmummy · 08/03/2025 21:36

Sounds like my ex! He was cancelling plans because he was actually seeing someone else.

Walk away now!

Freshflower · 08/03/2025 21:42

He sounds very immature and a massive game player. You will never have a happy or healthy relationship with this type of man. It doesn't sound like he loved you even though he said he did. You are right not to put up with his constant cancelling of plans . Honestly I'd block him and not waste time questioning anything about him.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 08/03/2025 21:47

Didimum · 07/03/2025 22:24

OP, why even bother trying to understand it? He’s an arsehole human and that’s the beginning and end of it. Block, forget and move on.

That’s it, don’t waste your time trying to delve into a deeper reason. Block him on everything. Don’t let him anywhere near you, on or offline. If you bump into him socially, it’s ‘no, not interested. Leave me alone.’

MuckFusk · 08/03/2025 21:49

Anyone who says he loves you that fast is not normal. He's just a freak. Don't try to analyze why freaks do what they do. Just block him permanently and get on with your life.

Velmy · 08/03/2025 22:04

I don't think I'd be able to stop laughing for long enough to text someone back if they told me they loved me after one date.

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