Is it okay expect sibling to be included on every playdate?

[LilyTWilderness]

My DD has a very close friend and we are happy to arrange play dates at ours at our convenience. The other family feels their little brother is left out so include him along as his sister is mostly his playmate.
This complicates how we supervise, prepare meals and ultimately our day job as we work from home.
Is it rude say no to have siblings on playdates even if you have only 1 child?

My son having someone over after school when they don't need constant supervision was preferable to him coming home and entertaining himself.
I made sure the parents knew that I'd be in the garden office while they were in the house and DS (and mate) had slightly different rules (won't be able to go to park, please don't get the oil paints out).
You could argue that at that point it isn't so much a playdate, but more a 'can Tom come over' sort of thing.

No younger siblings allowed thanks!

Next time specify you are inviting 'insert name' as all the activities will be geared towards towards their age group.
I'm sure she will be grateful for the opportunity to play with her friends without little brother tagging along.

My son had a play date with a friend from school.
When the mam came to pick him up she brought along her youngest son and said next time you will have to be invite both because they are so close.
There wasn't a next time

Playdates are mostly over term holidays, when I wont have the luxury to take weeks off work. The girls are 8 and the little one 6. I ensure they are safe and fed, but will mostly be working from my study.

I think as the younger one is six yabu a bit. It sounds like they all play together and it's a bit mean to invite one without the other. A six year old can be left to play just as well as an eight year old.

it's a bit mean to invite one without the other.

Why? The invitation is for the benefit of op's dd. She wants to spend time with her friend, not entertain a younger child who is not her friend.

so what happens - they drop the little one and big one and head off? That's completely unacceptable. there's a massive difference in play date effort betwen 6 year olds and year olds. Plus the reality of sibling rivalry etc means more effort on your part. I'm quite shocked at this.

We have play dates at home after school all the time. School finishes at 3, work finishes at 5. Not hard to understand really. That’s life.

No, it's not fine/acceptable.

If the other parent stays then I can see why, I'm my kids childcare. If I can't take her younger sister to a play date then she can't go because wtf am I meant to do with my toddler. But I would be present at the play date.

If they are just wanting to drop off both their kids and run them that's rude as hell

They are cheeky bastards! Your daughter wants her 8 year old friend, not a little boy of 6. Be clear next time that the invitation is for the older child only.

I know some families who insist on “all of us or none of us”. But they do their children a disservice. They aren’t the same, the children deserve individual friendships and separate social lives as well as family events.

Do they ever look after your child?
Even if they do it probably isn’t twice as often.
I have 2 girls close in age and would try and arrange for them to both have “ play dates” at the same time- fortunately we had a big house partly because it was easier to have 4 kids doing there own thing than have to entertain the one that was left out so I get what the friends parents are saying but surely they could arrange something for the sibling

Goodness no, they're using as free childcare and while the girls are nice enough to include the younger brother, your DD doesn't actually invite him, does she?

Next time you're arranging something, I'd say that the girls really want to spend some time together so let's just have the two of them this time.

They want free childcare.

DS has a friend whose DM is cold as ice towards me, but when it comes to a playdate she is all friendly and smiles - and sends along her younger DS too. The first time her younger DS came he was only 4 and the poor soul looked lost as he stared at me, while his older DB and my DS took off playing upstairs. I had told them to include the younger boy but they didn’t listen. I ended up playing with a marble run with the 4yo and then Lego. Not the sort of play date I had in mind for my DS!

Also, for DS’ past 3 birthdays this DM has tried to palm off her younger son at the party too. Only once did she ask in advance and the answer was no (all pay per head activity, £20). Total CF, especially as she veers between being icy cold to me and super friendly.

When mine were younger, my DD had friends who were never allowed to come over unless we also had the sibling (or often a straight "no" as they were needed to entertain the sibling)

Yes it is cheeky to just expect the younger one to be able to stay and play. Do the children all play together and keep each other entertained?

They are CFs. Siblings don’t need to spend every minute together - it’s good for them to have some independence and a chance to explore their own interests. Instead of taking the opportunity to have some one-to-one time with their son they are dumping him on you for free childcare!