When I was 13 I’d just lost a load of weight to become a normal weight child from a bullied, fat child. At the time, I wasn’t socialising at alll outside school for various reasons - including growing apart from primary school friends and also finding my feet with my new ‘normal’ body - I was pretty much the average measurements for a 13 year old - 5ft 1 - 7 and a half stone - after dieting.
My mum over the summer of me being 13 very harshly coerced me to socialise calling me selfish for liking my own company too much (in her opinion).
After this, I’m order to please my mum I hung around kids I didn’t want to only to please my mum and had very unsatisfying ‘relationships’ and was humiliated and badly bullied in school by my own ‘friendship’ group. One of the bullies admitted that the reason they bullied me was because I ‘couldn’t say no’ - I’d taken the term ‘selfish’ so much to heart I thought any demonstration of assertiveness with my peers would make me selfish.
Before all this, I was confident, independent and more popular after I’d lost weight - some people in my class admired it. I think I was liked more cos people thought I wasn’t needy. After my mum called me selfish I turned into an unpopular, ridiculed people pleaser!
AIBU to think it’s better to be a confident loner than someone who is insecure and clings to others in a group?
The irony is, if my mum had left me alone to give me space to develop, I’d have ended up making much more genuine connections with people rather than ones out of obligation.