Viagra

[Tatteredlace]

We regularly get parcels for the same address, just one town over, and we end up just dropping them to the right place. A parcel turned up a few months ago, and my OH opened it without checking the address, and it turned out to be for the other address.. anyway, it had viagra in it, so to save embarrassment/awkwardness, we didn't return it to the right address.

Fast forward a few months down the line. We went out on a date night whilst the kids were at a sleepover. We got home, jumped into bed, and started making love. Only he was really rough and whilst that could be nice, this was too much, which I told him. We ended up stopping because it was clear neither of us was going to have a happy ending.

I went to the bathroom to clean up, and I saw the pack of viagra on the counter. I asked him if he had taken it, and he said he had, when I asked why, and he said it was "for me" and at this point I got really mad and it turned into an argument with me telling him he should have asked me if I was ok with that first and him telling me it's none of my business.

AIBU to think that he should have asked me before taking it?

Maybe he was embarrassed?

I dont know why he would be embarrassed. We have a really healthy sex life, and he has no issues that would need viagra. He just took it to make himself feel good, but instead, he ended up hurting me.. I still have bruises.
I just think if he was going to introduce something like that, then there should have been a conversation first?

I agree there should have been a conversation your right have you shown him the bruises? Maybe try to have another chat? Why do men put their ego first!? Me personally I would get your bruises checked out by the doctors in case there’s some serious damage been done and tell them the truth what happened hope this helps

There are two issues here, the most important of which is that he should not be so 'rough' during sex that he gave you bruises. How is that suppose to be pleasant for you? And that is nothing to do with taking viagra, millions of men take it without becoming violent in bed.

Secondly, he shouldn't have taken someone else's medicine. Severe side effects are rare with Viagra but they do sometimes happen.

Agree with others that he’s used the Viagra as an excuse to be aggressive in bed. That wasn’t for you, as clearly you did not enjoy it and he did not check it was okay to be so rough.

This was for him. Curiosity or whatever, but it was 100% about him

Thats awful it sounds like he was living out a porn fantasy. Rough sex should only happen when both sides are interested and giving clear consent. I would feel very upset and violated if that happened.

I don't agree that he needed your permission to use it, no.
Nobodies medication choices need to be discussed with anyone else, its private.
Yes, they weren't prescribed to him, so it might not have been the safest idea for him to try them out, but if you were willing and consenting to have sex, does it matter if his errection was fully natural or had a little "help"? If you found you were struggling with peri/menopause symptoms, would you feel you needed his permission to go on HRT?

The Viagra is not what made him be violent and hurt you, that was entirely his choices. Viagra can make the errection firmer and keep it errect when he would otherwise lose errection, but it was the fact he was deliberately being rough with how he was penetrating you that has hurt you. He could have done that without taking the little blue pill.

The big issue here is he's trying to make out this was all for your benefit, when clearly it was some kink/fetish/fantasy of his to get the hardest errection possible then have none consentually violent rough sex with you. I wouldn't be surprised if he took the viagra so he wouldn't lose the errection from his conscious knowing that being violent with you was wrong and he'd have lost a natural errection.

What he did was sexual abuse, i'm not minimising that, i just think you're focusing on the wrong thing and naturally, blaming the viagra for what was actually caused by your husbands desires, as you don't want to believe he has willingly hurt you, but was "under the influence" of some sort.

Am I the only one who can't understand why you'd regularly drop off parcels for some randomer one town over who can't be arsed to check their delivery address is correct?!

Missing the point of the thread I know.....

That sounds really odd. Viagra is a medication that is meant to treat ED. So it doesn't affect the way you have sex, just helps you to have your normal sex. That's just an excuse for him to get rough, which was really inappropriate of him and not at all okay.