To ask what you did to distract yourself or keep yourself sane when you first became a single parent which wasn't dating

[Flowersinthehood]

I painted most rooms in the house and got the bathroom done. Looking back I think I was a bit manic, painting at 4am etc, getting loans out for house stuff. I definitely wasn't 'right' at that time, trying to prove I was fine.
What helped you? Or were there any unhealthy habits you started?

Knitting!

Seeing every row I managed to get through take me a step closer to completing something that seemed impossible when I started out.

And planting seeds/seedlings. Again it was a sort of hope for the future (though most of them died 😂 some survived, it was the planting that mattered )

gardening in summer

winter - got a PT

I started a degree

@Avotoast9 same. That was one of my better impulsive decisions!

At first, it was just the relief of being free of him.

Then I cooked food I liked and he didn't.
I listened to music lying in bed on a Sunday morning, or danced 2yo DS around the kitchen. Ex kept turning my radio off.
I took DS walking in the rain and jumping in puddles
I left my shoes in a pile under the bench by the front door rather than in a regimented row. 😊
When the spring came I opened the windows early in the morning and listened to bird song.
I went food shopping on a Tuesday
If I took DS out to eat, we went to different places instead of the same bar over and over again
I bought colourful clothes like I used to before I met him.
Like you, I redecorated - no more bleak white everything

I enjoyed little things

Never again !!

@Meadowfinch that sounds utterly, utterly joyful

@Flowersinthehood When it came to redecoating, my hall & stairs were a tasteful primrose white, but the wall by the front door, that he could see when he collected DS, I painted bright daffodil. 😁 It made him wince every visit. For me it was potted sunshine for gloomy days but also a sort of visual F**k You ! Very childish but very satisfying.

I'm about to paint it aubergine. He'll hate that too. 😂

I joined meet up and got a place in a book club and am a member of a couple of walking groups :)

I used to buy the reduced flowers at the local supermarket so I usually had flowers in the kitchen. Totally indulgent and also my ex never really bought flowers.

I baked, a lot! Friends & family loved it as I'd appear with various baked goods randomly ....normally made at 3am when I couldn't sleep!
Like a PP, my wardrobe became the riot of colour I always loved before the joy was sucked out if it due to criticism....most days I still look as if I've fallen into a rainbow. When he appears twice a month to collect DD he always looks so horrified at my outfit, this brings me joy 😆

A big one- sold & purchased a new home for DD & I. When we divorced, I brought ex H out but for various factors that house wasn't right for DD & I. It took nearly 3 years but we moved literally round the corner to a different style of house. It meant no change of location for DD but gave us a home with a blank slate, all our memories here are of US, that has been amazing. It's decorated to my taste, which is the opposite of ex H's taste, and again, this brings me joy everyday, our home is like a warm hug x

@CarlieSnow did you then write a very successful pop song about it? To be serious, that sounds lovely

I really struggled , but I bought some pictures of Japanese art which I love . I was also able to watch what I wanted on tv , without snide comments .

Haha, no songs,no. You have reminded me that I started to learn guitar and having lessons was another thing I did purely for myself- used to go at lunchtime in the city centre, near work.

I listened to a lot of music again. He wasn't interested in music. Volunteered for a non-profit that moves women and children out of violent situations into safe housing. Started doing Parkruns on a Saturday morning. Got a community garden plot. Bought some prints that have meaning for me and framed and hung them. As ex has some parenting time I can actually go out with friends for dinner as well which didn't happen before because I had no free time.

I fled UAE after 14 years in 2004 with a 6.5 month old due to DV and came back to the UK to zero with £200 in my pocket, 2 suitcases and no idea where we would sleep that night. Starting my life from scratch with nothing at all and no support (as my mother had died 6 months prior) kind of kept me sane, as weird as that sounds. I was just so busy sorting a new life, finding accommodation for us both and also managed to secure a full time job in local government within 6 months of coming back that I had no time to dwell on anything.