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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Post-birth night outs

24 replies

Noonecaresifyounamechange · 06/03/2025 22:39

Hubby and I have been invited to two weddings fairly soon after my due date.

wedding 1; all day wedding, family friend of hubby, 7 weeks after due date.

Wedding 2; evening invite, 8 weeks after due date.

I think baby would be allowed at wedding 1, although need to double check.

No baby invite to wedding 2.

would you go?
does anyone have experience of going out/ leaving baby so young.

YABU - don’t be daft. You can’t go.
YANBU - of course you can go

OP posts:

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/03/2025 22:42

You won't know how you feel until baby is here. Everyone is different.

I felt fine leaving mine young. I started a few weeks after birth and they had their first overnights with Grandparents at 6 weeks.

Overthebow · 06/03/2025 22:44

I’d go to wedding 1 if baby is allowed. I would decline wedding 2 as 8 weeks is too young to be left really, especially if breastfeeding.

littlepinkflowersx · 06/03/2025 22:50

It would; for me;

depend on who I would be leaving baby with
If I was breastfeeding
how far away they both were
how I felt after the births

Personally - I probably would go to the whole day wedding & decline the evening only event - but I would only go to both of them if I had a straight forward birth, had stopped bleeding and baby was okay.

I went to a wedding locally and took baby with; then grandparents came and collected when it got to the evening part so I could enjoy myself and I knew baby would be safe and settled sleeping

Original poster

Noonecaresifyounamechange · 06/03/2025 22:55

@SouthLondonMum22 did you breastfeed?

@Overthebow I will contact the couple and ask - or is that rude?

@littlepinkflowersx
Both weddings are a little over an hour away.

I’d like to breastfeed.

RSVPs need in within the next few weeks; I’d feel awful if I said yes then pulled out. Guests cost money.

OP posts:

Greenwich869 · 06/03/2025 23:17

If breastfeeding, going out at night is impossible at that age. Because babies cluster feed and then wake after 3-4 hours anyway, so the thought of going out late might fill you with horror. But a lot depends on your home setup. If you have super helpful grandparents, you may feel differently. My best friend formula fed and left her baby with her (absolutely wonderful) mum every weekend, overnight, from when baby was 6 week old. Choosing to breastfeed makes that impossible so you need to decide what your priorities are.

Wonderberry · 06/03/2025 23:24

Not realistic to leave baby at that age if breastfeeding. If not breastfeeding then you probably won't want to either.

I would decline if baby isn't invited. Realistically, they should know that not inviting a tiny baby will mean that guests can't come.

Pinkdreams · 06/03/2025 23:24

Personally that would have been too young for me to leave them, I didn't leave DD until she was 6 months but everyone is different, I know it's hard to rsvp as you have no idea how you'll feel in that moment

avignon1234 · 06/03/2025 23:35

Mum of 5 here, and I would probably give both the swerve unless there are strong opinions that you need to be there. Obv. there are circumstances that might make it work, and a first baby isn't that bad to deal with as long as one of you is "on point" to deal with him/her. But you do need to agree that. xxx

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/03/2025 23:38

No, I wouldn’t have gone to either. Wouldn’t have felt up to it when they were so young.

Of course, you may feel entirely differently.

I’d have a chat with the bride and groom and tell them that as you don’t know how you’ll feel, you may not be able to join them.

CountryMumof4 · 06/03/2025 23:44

Personally, it'd be a solid no for both from me so close to due date, particularly given you could give birth a couple of weeks later than that. That said, if the weddings aren't too far away and your baby is welcome, you may feel you can attend at the very least the weddings and part of the after celebrations. Unfortunately, you've no idea how you'll feel until the time comes. And if you're breastfeeding, you're even less likely to want to leave your baby if you do have child care. As PP have said, I'd just be honest with the couples and say you don't know, if you aren't too sure - or just give your apologies and send a nice card/gift.

Worsthousebeststreet · 07/03/2025 06:47

Of course it's not rude to ask

'would so love to join you but likely to have a 5-7 week old baby at the time. Would you be happy for me to bring them in a stretchy wrap and/or avoid the ceremony? If not I'll politely decline but totally understand your decision'

The evening one id just decline to be honest.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 07/03/2025 06:54

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/03/2025 22:42

You won't know how you feel until baby is here. Everyone is different.

I felt fine leaving mine young. I started a few weeks after birth and they had their first overnights with Grandparents at 6 weeks.

Agreed.

i was very like the OP but one of my friends had her baby in the SAME ROOM at all times until she went back to work ie didn’t leave the baby for a year!
At 3 he came with her and her DH on their anniversary trip to a posh hotel (bet her DH was delighted 😂) as she’s couldn’t bare to be apart from him.

everyone is very different

polinkhausive · 07/03/2025 06:58

I took DS2 to a wedding when he was 6 weeks old, it was actually very easy. He just chilled in the sling all day. Like most newborns just being close to me was all he really liked.

I wouldn't have wanted to leave mine at 8 weeks so I would say no to wedding 2. But we didn't have anyone to leave them with anyway

DappledThings · 07/03/2025 07:04

I would happily go as long as the baby was allowed too. I wouldn't have left mine at that age. Couldn't for more than a couple of hours anyway as breastfeeding but wouldn't have wanted to.

Moonnstars · 07/03/2025 07:35

No I wouldn't plan on going to either. If there is any flexibility you could ask if you can be put down as a maybe, but if you are concerned about your friends finances and paying for you then I would be saying no. You don't know how you will feel or if everything will all go well. The baby might arrive late or early. You don't know how well your baby will take to breastfeeding and how comfortable you would feel feeding them in public. My children never took to it, a friend's baby did but it was a lot of work and she wouldn't meet other than at someone's house for a long time as she didn't feel confident in public.
My first child had really bad reflux. You would feed them then they would be sick within 30 mins, sometimes gushing out (sorry if TMI). This would mean they would require an outfit change, and sometimes me as well. This would be repeated, at least with them, needing multiple changes of clothes. Therefore I wouldn't have wanted to take them to a wedding.

The evening do you might feel more able to go to as it's a shorter event, but again I wouldn't have wanted to leave my baby. For the time in getting there and then wanting to stay before coming back again I wouldn't say it's worth it. You might be exhausted from all the night feeds so going out socialising at a big event might not be something you want to do.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 07/03/2025 07:45

It will be hard to predict how much of either event you'd be happy to attend. At about 8 weeks I did a couple of outings for a couple of hours without my son and he slept through my absence, not caring at all. At 9 weeks we took him up to my parents on the train and he slept through the journey. My nephew was at my wedding at that age, loving the fairy lights.

On the other hand, friends were dealing with babies who cried non stop at those ages.

The safest route would be arranging to go to a small part of each wedding baby-free, skipping the meal. That's if you want to minimise risk of inconvenience to your hosts and to attend some of it.

Butterflyfern · 07/03/2025 07:47

If you can't take the baby then it will be pretty much impossible if you're breastfeeding. And you will be incredibly uncomfortable as your milk will be a long way off regulating.

The dates you mention are around the first growth spurt where baby will want to feed a lot more and maybe cluster feed to boost your supply. The most common time for this is the evening (so nights out are impossible)

The all day one, I would have been fine to go to, although there would have been lots of sitting in a corner feeding (with my first I fed in public when he was 5 days old). Learn how to use a stretchy wrap (TICKS!) and plan an easy access outfit and a handbag you can fit breast pads, nipple cream, silver cups in. Baby will just sleep and feed :)

CurbsideProphet · 07/03/2025 07:52

I couldn't have left my breastfed baby at that age. I wouldn't have wanted to either, but everyone is different.

ThePartingOfTheWays · 07/03/2025 08:00

With any event shortly after your due date, bear in mind that unless you know you'll need to give birth by a certain gestation, you could go up to 2 weeks over. So the worst case scenario is these dates are actually 5 and 6 weeks postpartum.

For me, neither of them sound like they'd be worth the effort shortly after birth. If you're bf, then the 2nd one isn't practical anyway. If you had plans to formula feed from early on and you knew you had reliable childcare for the baby then it might be doable. Maybe DH goes to the first one by himself?

Jennifershuffles · 07/03/2025 08:09

I don't think you can give a firm answer at this stage. It took me about six weeks to be able to comfortably sit down after DS was born (episiotomy & tear). But I could put him to bed & leave with a babysitter and go out for a meal on the high street from about then, being away for about 3 hrs. DD was easier physical recovery but until about six months she screamed so much all the time that a wedding would have been very stressful and noone in their right mind would offer to babysit.
That's before you find a wedding outfit you can breastfeed in.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/03/2025 08:55

Noonecaresifyounamechange · 06/03/2025 22:55

@SouthLondonMum22 did you breastfeed?

@Overthebow I will contact the couple and ask - or is that rude?

@littlepinkflowersx
Both weddings are a little over an hour away.

I’d like to breastfeed.

RSVPs need in within the next few weeks; I’d feel awful if I said yes then pulled out. Guests cost money.

I didn't breastfeed. If you want to breastfeed then you probably won't be able to go but then breastfeeding doesn't always work out so then it will just depend on how you are feeling.

Might be best to just message the couple at wedding 2 and say that baby will be very young so will probably be best to decline. They may then say you can bring the baby but I wouldn't outright ask because it can put them on the spot.

magicnumber1 · 07/03/2025 09:14

I would go to wedding 1 in the day, but only for a few hours – not the whole thing. Absolutely no way would I go to wedding 2.

I breastfed and found it very difficult to have a night out. I think I went to an evening work thing at around 10 months. Some people manage a bit earlier, but I was knackered and the baby was needy.

LemonBerrySummer · 07/03/2025 10:38

I went to a wedding 2 weeks after a c section with my first so it is doable. But it was a family wedding - lots of people around to help out, tell me to take it easy and there was no question that baby was invited. We also left after the meal and speeches.

So I'd say yes to wedding 1 but no to wedding 2. I think you'd find it really hard to leave baby at that point and, especially if you're breastfeeding, it may not be practical.

Original poster

Noonecaresifyounamechange · 08/03/2025 15:38

Thanks everyone.

I have asked my husband to phone bride/ groom of #1 and say we can’t go due to baby being so young. If they’re happy for baby to come they will be able to tell him, if not then no hard feelings.

I have already declined #2 but have phoned and spoke to the bride and our hubby down as a maybe - which is easier to do for an evening guest.

OP posts:

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