To not have another child incase I don't love it?

[appleenish]

I have one DC aged 6.

I did have PND, and honestly didn't fall in love with him until he was probably close to 2 years old, maybe even beyond then.

I love him because I love him, it doesn't feel like I love him just because he is mine. He has a lot of quirks and is quite dissimilar to his peers in terms of personality.

If I could build a dream child, it'd be him. I've been so lucky (so far!). That doesn't come from a place of blind love or bias, I feel I see it for what it is.

I do like other children, but I'm definitely not a lover of them.

I have wanted another child for a while, but I've realised what I want is another him. I feel maybe I am not capable of the unconditional love of a mother? And it would be conditional? I don't want to subject a child to that.

I have also heard many people say they do have favourite children, or regret adding to their family.

AIBU to just stick to one DC for this reason, even though I am yearning for another?

I can't tell you what you should do, and I haven't got experience of pnd.

What I can say is that I was worried about having another child and not loving them as much. I just couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I did my first.

Ds2 was honestly love at first sight though and he has bought me so much joy. He lights up a room.

Someone described it to me as like a flame on a candle, you can like several and they all burn the same.

Thank you so much.

i also worried about not loving another as much as my first , it was all so overwhelming. My heart grew bigger the day she was born and there was absolutely as much space for her too.

Chiming in to say the same thing - had a second child mostly because I wanted my eldest to have a sibling, spent the whole pregnancy feeling guilty because I couldn't POSSIBLY love another baby anything like I loved my first born, feeling guilty for the baby and feeling guilty for the disruption I was going to cause said first born. And when DD2 arrived it was like a switch flipped and I knew I loved her with every little bit of my being just like I did her sister.

(And then I felt guilty for loving someone as much as I did my PFB! Ahhh the mum guilt never ends!!)

Just to echo all the above. I, too, thought I couldn't possibly be able to love my second as much as my first. But I do. Loves grows rather than being a finite amount that has to be split

You say so many things which makes me think you love him because you are his mum. You sound like you think he is the best thing ever - which is what a mum thinks imo.
I think you will be fine with another. I have 2 and I love them both so so much. There's always room to love one more.

I love him because I love him, it doesn't feel like I love him just because he is mine

That's biology for you. But you'd have felt the same about any baby placed in your arms.

But I didn't feel that when he was placed in my arms. I didn't fall in love with him for at least the first two years.

Thank you for your responses.

I don't doubt I have enough love to give, and that I could love another child just as much. It's that I feel my love is somewhat conditional?