Opinions sought from single parents

[ditzzy]

Being a bit cautious how I word this here as I like everyone involved and I know it must be unimaginably tougher juggling everything as a single parent than as a two parent family. But just wanting to sense check that my boundaries are in the right place.

DD2 (5) has a good school friend that lives close to school, so quite often, maybe once a week, when DH picks both DDs up, they drop over to the friend’s house for a short play date before coming home. The friend’s parents have split up but get on well, but it’s always the mum in charge on play date days.

Tonight, when they got home both DDs were excited because they were talking about having a sleepover with the friend. DD1 has only just had her first sleepover, so I’m not really sure I’m happy with DD2 going away on one yet. DH said that he needed to talk to me about it without them….

Turns out the friend’s mum has accepted an early morning work shift on a Sunday in a few weeks time, and her back-ups aren’t available. So she asked if DH could stay over on the Saturday night so that he could look after them on the Sunday. She then extended the invite to our DDs to make it a big play date sleepover event.

Now, I’d like to be helpful. She’s lovely, and really generous with her time and kindness with the DDs, but I think commandeering my DH and my children for most of a weekend crossed a line!!

I decided not to say anything of my own opinions to find out where DH was thinking and he immediately said he wasn’t remotely comfortable with the suggestion, but would like to find a way to help.

I’ve suggested to him that he invites her and her kids to ours - I’ll cook for her, we can have a nice evening and she can leave the kids with us when she goes out to work the next day. DH says he’ll chat to her on the school run in the morning to think about it; but he’s now less comfortable and worried she’s got the wrong end of the stick with him being friendly.

So - AIBU? Has she crossed a line or should I be sending DH out to help her out and having a quiet night on my own?

I’m wondering even whether DH misinterpreted the original suggestion.

I'm not a jealous person, but there's no way my DH would be spending the night at a single woman's house. That would be really weird.

That's a really weird request.

If I needed help I would have asked you/your dh to take my dc for the night rather than invite someone's husband over to stay.

Bizarre. Surely you'd be better off inviting her child to yours for a sleepover while the mum works?

But even so, I wouldn't be that keen. You don't really know each other well enough for such young children.

Single parent here. I think its weird unless theres a missing bit of the story of her knowing your dh really well, grew up together or something. I understand her childcare stressess, it really is hard but I would have asked you the mum not the dad as it involves staying over.

That’s reassuring anyway! Thanks all.

For what it’s worth, she has two DC, and she’s concerned the younger one won’t sleep in a strange house.

I’m really hoping she’s genuinely just trying to think up ways to troubleshoot the childcare challenge, but I was very reassured that DH looked terrified he was about to be eaten alive, rather than wanting to be a knight in shining armour.

I'm a single parent. No way would I invite a school dad to come to my house to look after my 5 year old while I was out.

In her shoes, I wouldn't accept the extra shift, but appreciate that this may not be so easy for others to decline work.

If she needs childcare, she should ask YOU if her DD can come to your house so that your DH a) has you to talk to and b) can get on with his own things in his own comfort zone once the kids are asleep

Single mum here. That's really really strange. No way would I invite a married school dad to sleep over at my house ??!?! wtf?!?!?!?

Thanks - no, there’s no backstory between them. DH just does most of the school runs so he has more of an active friendship with most of the school people. I’m less of a people person so leave him to it.

On days when I’m on the school run, I usually chat to her happily enough, she is lovely.

I was thinking that 5 is possibly a bit young for a sleepover with a non-relative, and then saw she had a second child also. How old is her younger one?!

I think the little one is 4. The five year olds are in Year 1, so they are nearly 6.

I agree, I think the whole sleepover idea is out of my normal comfort zone, but this is for a reason rather than just for fun, so I’m prepared to consider it (under the right conditions)