Friendship WWYD

[icantfindmyphone]

hi , not really an aibu but not sure where to put it !

some advice please .
long term group of girlfriends. we all had reserved a date to get together. The activity we wanted to do is fully booked and several saying no money to go out anyway , so one of the group has suggested a takeaway and catch up at her house . The problem is , i don't like her husband. & i mean i really don't like him . (& im not a hateful person, there is a lot of history & i've distanced myself from them as a couple & also the group as i've just found it hard to be myself )
i have no excuse not to go, & i do want to have a friendship with her , but i can't reconcile in my head going to their home as it feels so contradictory/dishonest of me to be in their home, their space , accepting their hosting when I truly dislike him! There would never be any sense in honesty or conversation because it would be hurtful to her and would achieve nothing. my POV won't change i'm pretty sure and i have tried but i can't move passed it .
WwYD ?
i go & suck it up for the sake of maintaining a friendship which is hanging on by threads .. but the thought really makes me very uncomfortable, like im going against my truth & my boundaries .
or make up another excuse, which quite frankly, is a shitty thing to do .
Some advice would be good . Thanks x

I think the reason for the dislike/hatred of her husband is going to be pretty key here...

Shame you got sick with D&V the night before, isn't it.

Telling a white lie is your least worst option. You don't start a load of hurt and drama about her H, and you don't have to spend time in his company.

Depends on how much you value your friendship.

One of my friends husbands was difficult to get along with but I did make the effort because it was important to her. Another friends husband was very keen which made life difficult being around him but again I made the effort and kept myself safe.

As another poster said though it depends on why you dislike him. In my case I could put up with it for a while but if it is so bad your friendship is hanging by a thread anyway, why bother, just cut the threads.

I think the friendship is probably over anyway, as if it isn’t this, there will be other things when he will be there, or at their house etc.

So you are really making a call on the whole
friendship. Do you suck it up now, and always, knowing you have chosen your friend and the friendship and will put aside your truth/boundaries/uncomfortableness. Or do those things matter more to you, and better just to phase the friendship out so you aren’t torn.

I think from the way you phrased it, you already know it’s the second option. I’d just caution that good friends are hard to find and invaluable as you get older. Don’t lose a friend you’ll regret not keeping later.

If it’s a group of girlfriends, would he be a part of the evening?

I know if this was happening in my house, my DH would stay out of the way, maybe go out. Having him sit with you all, no matter how much anyone may like him or not, changes the dynamic anyway.

It seems a bit of an extreme reaction, unless there is a huge back story. Given that it's a girl's night, will he even be there? My DH would swerve it promptly.

What is the reason for disliking him so much?

I too would say you are out of action and can’t make it, and then join the group for the next get together.

Ypur options are:

Offer an alternative suggestion to her house that could not be refused.

Go And hope he's not there.

Don't go.

Find new friends.
You don't like the DH of one and have distanced yourself from the rest of the group, so what's the point of engaging at all?
This is a good opportunity to go. You don't have to explain anything to anyone, esp if your 'friendship group' is already on the rocks.

Just say yes then be ill on the night. Why do you dislike him so much?

It’s simple. You’re going, and excited, until a couple of hours before when you’re suddenly and violently struck down with a sickness bug. You’re gutted you’ll miss the evening & hope everyone has fun.
There’s so much of this going round atm it’s the perfect cover.

Would he be there? My husband is nowhere to be seen if friends come round! Fine to cancel but I would do it last minute illness/emergency/childcare issue otherwise you risk looking rude.

Can commiserate OP, I hate my best friends DH with a passion, vapid moron who for the last few years has gone full blown conspiracy theorist and never one to keep an opinion to himself, he has to educate the rest of us ‘sheeple’.

Ive been trying to just see her alone for things but it’s so difficult to have to turn down all the other stuff we’d usually do, I’ve actually started to see her in a different light too now to be honest, almost like I’ve lost respect for her remaining with him.

What has he done? Will he be there?