Is this a red flag or off putting?

[Kindgirl1]

If you are dating a 26 year old man and his mum lets herself into his house to clean for him. Not like a paid arrangement but his mum thinks he isn't cleaning properly so just goes in and does it.

His mum and dad let themselves into his house unannounced when you're there even if you were laying around on a weekend morning in your pyjamas.

I don't think it's a red flag necessarily, but if it's an ongoing relationship, you might want to ask them to call or message before they come over.

It could be a red flag and it's also quite off putting. At 26 years old he's got his mum coming in to clean up after him. Also disrespectful knowing he has his girlfriend round and just turning up unannounced at the weekend. Lack of boundaries and privacy

It's not the worst thing in the world, at least you know the loo is properly clean!

But ask yourself, at what point is he going to do this himself? Rather than seeing it as a mother problem, it's actually a boyfriend problem if he isn't doing basic cleaning.

Yes to me it is odd. Still relying on mum to help him despite being an adult with his own home. I would also think the fact there is no set time they pop in also allows them to nosy around.

@Kindgirl1 without any further context I wouldn’t say red flag but definitely off putting. I mean I could never imagine going into my son’s home without knocking and they are still small and living at home!

I wouldn't say it's a red flag particularly (he's 26 not 46) but his parents should realise the ball park has shifted now he's in a relationship. Tell him that you're naturally uncomfortable at them walking in willy nilly when you could be doing anything! If he digs his heals in and doesn't understand, then that is a red flag.

Just dating, OK, but I would find it hard to imagine him as an equal partner long term.

I wouldn’t say the letting themselves in is a red flag, maybe it depends on your family but mine all let themselves into our house, can’t remember the last time any of them knocked 😂

But the coming to clean I’d find a bit strange, depends why though, if she likes doing it and does it because she wants to then that’s different to him having asked

I'd run. He's got mummy letting herself into his place and cleaning. Does she do his laundry as well? He sounds like a 15 year old. He'll not only expect you to take over if you move in together; he's got no boundaries with his parents.

Not a red flag for abuse.

Certainly a red flag that this man will expect his women folk to always be responsible for housework and later childcare. It won't be a happy marriage unless you want to be a tradwife

My ex in his mid 40s had his mum cleaning his house for him once a week. I didn’t see a problem with it, I didn’t live with him so it wasn’t my business.

At lease the house was clean and his mum was happy to do it to see him as he worked from home.

This.

It would dry me up quick and give me the ick.

My ex’s mum used to do exactly this. In fact, the first time I met her was when she came over to clean and I was still in bed after a night shift wondering who the hell was unlocking the door and coming in! Ex hadn’t warned me that she would be coming over!
My ex’s mum used to enjoy doing it, she was retired and it gave her something to do. She was lovely though and after that initial awkward meeting, she would always message first about when would be a good time to come around when no one was in.

Wouldn’t see it as a red flag myself yet, unless your boyfriend shows he is actually lazy and incapable of tidying or cleaning up himself. My ex was capable of it but long hours/overtime/having kids just meant it made life a bit easier and his Mum enjoyed getting out of her own home and doing something!

He and his parents can do what they like when you're not there. That to me is private time. Tell him to keep them away while you two are "entertaining". His answer will tell you all you need to know, i.e. whether you feeling comfortable and relaxed in his house comes first, or his mother.

I'd also watch out for Mammy's boy syndrome. Get him house trained if you intend to stay, and a bolt for inside the front door when you're there.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy his house in the circumstances you describe. Nope.

Not a red flag necessarily, and the cleaning thing, I mean it would be nice if he would do it himself and not need his mum too, but ok. My issue would be more his parents just turning up unannounced, the lack of boundaries and respect would drive me mad, and it will only get worse. If you like him, don’t let it put you off, but know you will need to stand up to this further down the line (speaking from experience!).