Name changed for this. It’s long sorry!
I have been friends with a woman - let’s call her Nancy - for my entire life. We were close all the way through school and remained in contact as adults. Nancy very much likes to stick to a routine so I see her every week, on the same evening (relevant for needing suggestions on what to do)
Nancy has another friend, we will call her Edith, that she used to work with and has remained ‘friends’ with. Up until around Christmas time, I knew and had met Edith several times and would class her as a friend although we were maybe never really close.
Nancy spends a lot of time complaining about Edith. Well, Nancy spends a lot of time complaining about many people but Edith seems to be on the receiving end of most of it. She says Edith is very needy, says she resents having to spend so much time with her and how much she hates having to have lengthy conversations over text all the time with her etc. Nancy’s partner usually joins in with the Edith bashing too. Now, before I knew Edith very well, I would of course say to Nancy that nobody can force her to spend time with them and it’s perfectly acceptable to take a step back if you need to but Nancy doesn’t really listen to advice, I always thought she just needed to ‘vent’ about it to feel better. That’s fine, not my circus.
Around Christmas time, Edith lost a very close family member very suddenly and unexpectedly and naturally she was devastated. I started to spend much more time with Edith to support her and check in etc. So naturally, got to know her much better and we have become close. I have discovered that Edith is a wonderful person. She is thoughtful and insightful and very caring and intelligent. In my opinion, she has handled her situation gallantly. Edith never talks badly about anyone behind their backs, always giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Nancy has also been providing support to Edith but has done nothing but complain about it. She has actively contacted her every day, had her over to her house, spent loads of time with her and then consistently bitched about it. A real low point was when the hospice called Edith to say she could not visit her deceased relative because her ‘body has deteriorated too much’ - naturally Edith was devastated and told both me and Nancy about it. Nancy’s partner said to Nancy that it was “weird she is talking to you about her mom’s corpse” and “when is she going to be out of our lives” - Nancy told me this and I said he was being out of order.
I am started to dislike Nancy very much. And obviously I am wondering what gets said about me behind my back too. I would ordinarily want to take a step back from her but this is hard to do when her routine is so clockwork so I feel I need to say something - although I don’t want to make a big drama out of it.
What would you do?