Why do I feel so rubbish ?

[Iamnemesis]

I have just found out a woman at work who had form for being horrible to me has a party tonight and I am not invited. I wouldn’t go if I was asked so why do I feel crap?
For context she brought up a bullying complaint about me which was rebuffed and I had substantial evidence including cctv and witness statements of her bullying me. I have had counselling financed by work to help me get past how she made me feel - now at a stroke I feel right back there again.
AIBU to think I am rather pathetic and need to stop the negative thinking ? Or is there something else ?

It’s understandable because this woman rocked your confidence. It’s also (kindly) a bit silly because you wouldn’t expect someone who clearly dislikes you to invite you to an event and, as you say, you wouldn’t go anyway.
Do something you fancy tonight, even if it’s just a good film on tv.

How is she still working there if there's proof of her bullying you so badly, you need the company to finance counselling?

Perhaps the something else is just FOMO?

I think most of us get that from time to time.

She felt bullied by you, whether she was or not she felt it so why would she invite you?

And why would you want to go if you thought she was the one bullying you? You should be glad you don’t have to spent time outside of work with her.

You could watch a good movie and treat yourself to a nice takeaway and forget about that silly moo or gatecrash the party and kick her in the muff, grab some of her vodka and pretzels and run away.
It depends what kind of person you are.

Has she invited everyone but you? That's considered bullying. I would contact Acas or your union if nothing has been done to challenge her behaviour.

No, this is ridiculous. It's a place of work, not a primary school.

Adults can invite whoever they want to their own parties.

Plus, no-one's going to invite someone they've accused of bullying them and who has in turn accused them of the same thing.

Bullying is a pattern of behaviour and exclusion and isolation can be part of that pattern. Inviting everyone in the team apart from one person would be considered bullying behaviour. The OP can obviously turn down the invite.

Bullying is very much primary school behaviour.

Yes you are right it’s FOMO ! She’s there because she is now head of dept and an important cog - she had form for just ignoring those who are deemed not important to her progression or plain rude to others. I didnt back down not move on and I feel she is just waiting to find something I mess up to pounce on me. Hence the counselling. The complaint was handled informally with the big boss there as a mediator - she’s now picking on to the newest member of the dept now he’s off with MH issues because of it. Her line manager seems absolutely oblivious but the more I raise the more it looks like I’m picking on her so I feel my hands are tied.

Thanks for the smile

Nope.

Having a private party and not inviting one colleague is definitely not something any Union would get involved in.

It's simply personal choice and even more so if the person felt bullied by the OP enough to complain, and then had a counter-complaint against her.

I didn't say that having a private party and not inviting a colleague was something a union would get involved in.

You said...

Has she invited everyone but you? That's considered bullying. I would contact Acas or your union if nothing has been done to challenge her behaviour.

And then you said...

Bullying is a pattern of behaviour and exclusion and isolation can be part of that pattern. Inviting everyone in the team apart from one person would be considered bullying behaviour.

Why are you advising the OP to contact Acas or her union then?

Bullying is a pattern of behaviour and exclusion and isolation can be part of that pattern.

She's being excluded from the party, you mentioned the Union/Acas, yet you're saying you know they won't be interested in her being excluded from the party.

Still none the wiser so I'll leave it 😳

Bullying is a pattern of behaviour.

Acas would not be interested in her being excluded from a party.

They would be interested in a pattern of bullying including her being excluded from a party. I'm talking about her being the only person excluded.

If there was no pattern of bullying this would not be seen as bullying.