Why is my self- worth so tied to work?

[Plondeeb]

I feel like IABU here as I think it's ridiculous to link self worth so closely to work stuff but I can't help it.

I work in a comms agency setting and have got to a senior manager level. I was on track for more of a leadership role but was sidelined since I got back from maternity leave.

I've come to terms with it now and having seen all the crap that goes on at leadership level more clearly, I think realistically it isn't for me and I'm happy in my lane.

However the way the sidelining played out last year - How I was pushed aside and felt discarded at times, has affected my self esteem terribly. There was one point where they were actively trying to get rid of me, verging on constructive dismissal but I fought back and am still here.

If anything negative happens at work now though, even stuff beyond my control, I instantly feel so down and not good enough. Sometimes I even feel physically sick in case they try to get rid of me again.

Work now almost feels like being in a toxic relationship. I know you'll all tell me to leave but it's honestly not that simple with money/ working parent flexibility.

I feel stuck in a rut after a negative week and dream of just creating a side hustle to earn thousands

Hey, I hear you. I'm also in comms and feel it's the nature of the beast that it's a little more toxic than most.

I'm currently on mat leave with my second but already anxious about work and returning. My organisation was going through one of its many restructurings last year when I was pregnant, my role was made redundant and I was essentially fobbed off and ignored until I went on mat leave. I have a position to go back to but my line managers are being very slippery on what it is.

They also asked me to do a performance review when on leave. It was a shocker, I was totally taken off guard. I've never had a bad performance review. They haven't discussed a PIP, but I feel it's coming.

Honestly, I've had nightmares about it most nights. I'm looking at short courses I can do to build up my confidence and refresh my CV and LinkedIn. Tbh, what I've seen of the behaviour of the more senior managers with cost cutting I don't feel I have the moral compass to play the office politics game anymore. Is the pay check really worth your mental health?

I read recently your job, in some way, should motivate you to get out of bed in the morning.

It certainly shouldn't fill you with dread!

Personally, I'm going to network where I can and pitch myself like I'm in the market for a job. Who knows? I might land on my feet with something I really enjoy with decent colleagues. Then I might be able to flourish. I know the market is tough right now but there are still opportunities out there. There are plenty of transferable skills with a comms background, like CofS, project management and even Marketing.