DS 17 goes to bf’s more

[hobbcat]

I think I am overreacting but need to check.

DS 17 has been seeing a great girl for 8 months. She only lives 20 mins away. They’re not driving yet. At the start they took it in turns to visit each other on a weekend night. They have just staying the night with each other. Plus he spends a few hours with her one night a week at her’s as they have a sport in common and it’s near where she lives. My DP and I do pick ups during the school week.

Over the last six weeks we really haven’t seen much of her. He goes to her’s. There hasn’t been a row, or awkwardness. We give them loads space when they’re both with us. We sometimes all eat together then leave them to it. She lives in the suburbs of a university city where there are shops, buses etc. We live in a quiet cul de sac.

Is it a bit rude not to make the effort to come to our house once in a while or am I being old fashioned/overbearing/ smothering?

should say gf’s house not bf’s in the title!!

I wouldn't consider it rude, it just sounds like her house is located closer to the town where it's a bit more exciting for people their age and more convenient for meeting up with friends.

If you want to spend time with them, why not arrange something like a pub lunch or a take-away and a film?

It would be nice for YOU if they divided their time. But if there's more going on near where she lives, or friends are nearer or her bed is comfier, or there's better food in the fridge, or parents are out more, or shes a home-body etc etc... then they will not see an issue with where they go. They are bei g teens - doing what they want to do.

Is it a bit rude not to make the effort to come to our house

what for? To see you? with the greatest respect, why do they want to see you? they are young teens doing what they want to do, and its more lively found in a bustling town than a quiet cul-de-sac.

It's probably not personal, if she lives in a place with more shops and facilities then they're probably happier hanging out there.

What's the housing situation? As a young adult I hated having my boyfriend to my house, I had a box room in a tiny 1 bathroom house. My boyfriend had an en suite in a large house, of course we preferred to be there.

Nothing to do with class or snobbery, it was just more convenient for sex and space.

Thanks all. You’re right of course it’s not about me. My younger daughter is definitely missing seeing her brother at weekends though. Think that this is fuelling a bit of angst. They have had a good relationship and she really, really likes the gf.

Houses are comparable I would say - it’s the location and bright lights of town! They’re probably spreading their wings and having their own adventures. Time to get used to this I suppose!

Be careful what you wish for. We were the opposite. GF used to stay here every weekend -(and still does when her and DS are both back from uni.) She has younger siblings so she prefers to be out so she can't be default babysitter.
She is lovely and I like being host but I would be wishing for just one weekend where they went to hers. It was like never feeling completely at ease because you had a guest all the time.

You need to get the feeling under control.

This is just natural life progression. His got a girlfriend. Her house is better located for going and doing things.

Sure she might miss her brother but his going to move out at some point. His partner will become and should become then his number one. With visits to you guys at points.

Make sure to not expect of her things she doesn’t owe you. Your son is deciding where he wants to be and with who and when.

No near adult or actual adult children are being stolen from people. They are growing up and evolving into their own person that isn’t just child of Op and ops partner sibling of so and so. They are Thomas who goes to college has a job, partner and enjoys watching sports with his friends.