to think this was insensitive following hospital admission with stroke?

[Twoshoesnewshoes]

From a family member - there were lots of other sneaky, mean comments which wouldn't make sense but I'd like to hear if people think I'm overreacting on this one.
A close relative was rushed to hospital with a serious stroke. I phoned another family member to let them know. (they are not keen on the patient and often make digs about them).
They asked how old he is then said 'yes well that's to be expected at that age tbh'. (very early 60s).
AIBU is that a shitty thing to say? It felt really cold and unnecessary. Or am I overreacting and actually it's just an observation, I'm reading too into it?

YABU - overreacting, it's a normal thing to say
YANBU - it's a shitty thing to say

Thank you - need some perspective here.

i'm guessing i'm being unreasonable then 😂

Sounds shitty to me.

Completely shitty thing to say

If there not keen on the person they won’t be kind about it just ignore them some people are just very rude or unkind.

thank you
they are their parent in law - it feels so cold

Mean and shitty. It also pisses me off when someone passes away and people ask how old they were, and follow up with oh that's a good age. That doesn't make it any easier to me. I don't care if the person who does was mis 70s or whatever. They've still died and it's shit. Sorry rant over 😂

Well if thry are not keen on the person why would they be any different no matter what we think of what they?

And why does it matter, I would think bit rude and move on

It was an insensitive remark, yes.

It was insensitive and a strange comment to make. I wouldn’t think that a stroke was to be expected for someone in their early 60s.

What did you expect? Why tell them as you know what they're like? Why not call them out if it bothers you?

Very insensitive, but they'll learn when it is their turn then won't they.

I don't think it was outright nasty but it was insensitive, perhaps that's the most benign thing they could muster up.
I'd ignore it and leave them out of the loop.

To be fair, I think if a person has experienced the death of a much younger person, it is (an insensitive) but understandable position.

It's shitty. Yes, a lot of people unfortunately do have strokes in their 60s but they really shouldn't have - usually it's down to uncontrolled arrhythmias, smoking, high blood sugars in type 2 diabetes or (mostly) poorly controlled high bp. It's very sad as the strokes can be very disabling.

I've worked with stroke patients age 40s upwards and it shocked me how someone can be fine one minute and so disabled the next.

Hope your PIL makes a good recovery.

Still a terrible question. If you turn around and say oh they were 5. What are they going to say? Oh how awful, tragic etc. That really isn't helpful either is it.

Agree with @sommerjade did they really mean 'expected' due to their lifestyle so sedentary, smoker, alcohol excess?
There's obviously reasons behind the dislike too, so will be a factor in the response.
If they are the responders in law, why was it on you to pass on the info, unless its your parent and partner?

Totally unreasonable a stroke isn't an expectation for those in their 60s. We are in our 60s and strokes are not commonplace at our age.

My Dad died of a stroke at 62, so I would not be suprised at someone in their 60s having a stroke, as that’s my experience.
More things go wrong as we get older, it’s just a fact.

Early 60s is very young for people to have strokes now

All of the conditions associated with stroke should have been health checked at 40 and frequently since that age

So sorry for anyone's loss of someone that young

If the family member has always been snotty, you are beating yourself up to expect anything else, really.

Yes - my DH has a condition which makes the probability of a stroke higher than average.

It's still a small number though, and we most certainly don't 'expect' him to have one.

Cold and mean.
When my mum had her catastrophic stroke I mulled over attitudes to strokes and concluded there's a vestige in some peoples' minds that whispers it's the patients' faults.
They think strokes happen to overweight and unhealthy people.
Mum was neither.
There's somehow more sympathy for say someone with cancer. People understand cancer and think a stroke is just a bit of a dropped face and loss of strength. Not so. It is horrible. The reality of serious stroke is frankly terrifying. And services to look after those patients (where mum lived at any rate) were parlous.
She was left to rot.

Depends on the age of the person you were telling. When I was 16 I remember thinking anyone over 35 was old. Now I’m in my 60’s I do sometimes feel old. I also find that older relatives of mine and my parents particularly, often said something without thinking first.

thanks all, lots to think about.
The patient is very fit, walks several miles a week, doesn't smoke or drink.
The person I told is early 80's.
I know maybe I should have expected it as there have been comments before, but when someone is critically ill in hospital I just thought there would be more kindness?