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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why UC claimants don’t have to work until their babies are three, when virtually everyone else has to?

296 replies

SeeYouLaterCrocodile · 05/03/2025 17:15

I don’t know anyone who’s stayed off work until their kid was three. The vast majority go back after a year because that’s what they can afford. Why should they be working to pay tax for the jobless to stay at home for thrice as long?

OP posts:
TheBestBear · 05/03/2025 19:24

More benefits bashing...

I'm on UC. Went back to work from maternity leave when baby was one. Child has a disability (receives high rate care). So technically, if I wanted I don't 'have' to work at all. I do. Full time atm but I'm completely burnt out tbh. I'm determined to try and make something or leave something to my child so they aren't completely at the mercy of the government when I go (hopefully not for a long while)!
Hate all this benefit bashing!

HeyDrake · 05/03/2025 19:25

@JenniferBooth I think it's a bit of both. I know one person I went to school with, she didn't have much work history. Four kids under 10, single parent, no family support. UC were going to pay her childcare for all four kids, including school holidays. So she can work in Morrisons.
I didn't get it at all. Why not let her be a mother to those 4 kids?
I think part of the reason is ideology. They can't turn around and say 'you're none too bright and you have too many kids, don't worry about work' when they are giving a mother of one with a degree a hard time.
Another thing is future planning.
I'm no benefit basher but I do think more needs to be done to prepare women for when their children grow up. So many women struggle to adapt and are really really skint in their later years. I see it at work all the time, if you have worked 10 hours or less, with a kid or kids who gets DLA and you rent a three bedroom house, you get hit with the lack of DLA, the bedroom tax and then are suddenly expected to go back to full time work?! It's not going to happen. We need to do more to support them.

Simplynotsimple · 05/03/2025 19:28

RaininSummer · 05/03/2025 19:16

Exactly. I was back at work when my lass was 1 as a single parent. I didn't get any benefit help with cost of the nursery or my mortgage.

The benefit cap.in London is at the equivalent of at 31,000 salary which isn't unreasonable.

But ‘back in the day’ isn’t comparable. Back in the day my mother had to flee domestic violence with a baby and toddler. Moved in with my grandparents for a couple of months before she was given a council house. That wasn’t adequate so was moved to another one a couple of streets up soon after. Worked a very basic paid* care job until she was re-registered as a nurse. Then worked up to a fairly senior level, in 8 years went from homeless/living with parents to getting a mortgage and having another child without the dad involved. Most children was taken on by my retired grandparents so little worry about childcare costs.

We’re not ‘back in the day though’. Fleeing DV means years in temporary accommodation. If you have a roof over your head, even if it means overcrowding your parents house, in 8 years you’ll be lucky to be given a home never mind build yourself up to full time work and get enough money for a deposit for a mortgage. Once you’re at ‘the bottom’ these days, you are literally in a pit without a ladder. You spend your entire life playing catch up with usually nothing to show for it regardless of if you get back into the workplace or not. What exactly is the incentive for women without support or high income potential to leave babies and return to work?

*Edit, missed a word which made it read poorly!

JenniferBooth · 05/03/2025 19:29

HeyDrake · 05/03/2025 19:25

@JenniferBooth I think it's a bit of both. I know one person I went to school with, she didn't have much work history. Four kids under 10, single parent, no family support. UC were going to pay her childcare for all four kids, including school holidays. So she can work in Morrisons.
I didn't get it at all. Why not let her be a mother to those 4 kids?
I think part of the reason is ideology. They can't turn around and say 'you're none too bright and you have too many kids, don't worry about work' when they are giving a mother of one with a degree a hard time.
Another thing is future planning.
I'm no benefit basher but I do think more needs to be done to prepare women for when their children grow up. So many women struggle to adapt and are really really skint in their later years. I see it at work all the time, if you have worked 10 hours or less, with a kid or kids who gets DLA and you rent a three bedroom house, you get hit with the lack of DLA, the bedroom tax and then are suddenly expected to go back to full time work?! It's not going to happen. We need to do more to support them.

Childcare for four kids would be more than what she would be getting from the supermarket plus wage top ups = more than the out of work benefits Crazy!

Agree with your post

Bunny44 · 05/03/2025 19:30

Beekeepingmum · 05/03/2025 19:21

It's just another example of where the benefits system creates poor incentives. We need to change it to incentivise people to have children they can afford. If the system was reversed and people got a bonus from the government for earning X whilst they had children we might see a change in behaviour. Obviously this wouldn't be popular as lots of the population seem to think benefit claimants have no agency of themselves.

People's situations change all the time if you see my PP. Actually if it wasn't for my parents I quite possibly would have gone from a 6 figure earner to losing everything and being on UC. It's called a safety net for a reason. Also to have that attitude you're specifically blaming the woman for finding themselves in that situation when relationships unpredictably break down all the time and it'd be the children who suffer if we made the situation yet more difficult. We're talking about mostly women with children under 3 - ultimately this is only a short amount of time in their working lives and most go back to work and contribute for many years afterwards.

EdithBond · 05/03/2025 19:31

RaininSummer · 05/03/2025 19:16

Exactly. I was back at work when my lass was 1 as a single parent. I didn't get any benefit help with cost of the nursery or my mortgage.

The benefit cap.in London is at the equivalent of at 31,000 salary which isn't unreasonable.

No it’s not.

For a family, the household benefit cap limit in London is £487 a week x 52 weeks = £25,324.

Average private rents for a two-bedroom place in London are between £2,254 and £3,915 per month. Even at the cheapest end of that range = £27,048 a year.

I’ll let you work out the rest.

Rachie1973 · 05/03/2025 19:33

5128gap · 05/03/2025 17:43

Not with children under the age of 3 they don't which is what the threads about, unless they're disabled a carer, or about to start a job.

Carers don’t qualify. I pay my 4 year olds 15-30 hours.

Simplynotsimple · 05/03/2025 19:34

HeyDrake · 05/03/2025 19:25

@JenniferBooth I think it's a bit of both. I know one person I went to school with, she didn't have much work history. Four kids under 10, single parent, no family support. UC were going to pay her childcare for all four kids, including school holidays. So she can work in Morrisons.
I didn't get it at all. Why not let her be a mother to those 4 kids?
I think part of the reason is ideology. They can't turn around and say 'you're none too bright and you have too many kids, don't worry about work' when they are giving a mother of one with a degree a hard time.
Another thing is future planning.
I'm no benefit basher but I do think more needs to be done to prepare women for when their children grow up. So many women struggle to adapt and are really really skint in their later years. I see it at work all the time, if you have worked 10 hours or less, with a kid or kids who gets DLA and you rent a three bedroom house, you get hit with the lack of DLA, the bedroom tax and then are suddenly expected to go back to full time work?! It's not going to happen. We need to do more to support them.

Thank you for that last bit. I live in constant fear for the future due to being in a rock/hard place over DLA/Carers. I have one child who will need support/care for life, the other two are also autistic but may be able to lead independent lives with the right intervention. But I have a hugely empty cv and currently little opportunity to do anything about it. I have sleepless nights over how genuinely fucked I am in the future due to lack of support for myself. Yet all people see is someone living the ‘full benefit life’, not a person who went to university or worked for years before having children and never wanted to give up working for life.

YouveGotAFastCar · 05/03/2025 19:35

SeeYouLaterCrocodile · 05/03/2025 17:15

I don’t know anyone who’s stayed off work until their kid was three. The vast majority go back after a year because that’s what they can afford. Why should they be working to pay tax for the jobless to stay at home for thrice as long?

I’d have agreed with you overall but actually, most people I know well didn’t. My childhood friends mostly had children around 17 - none were working by 3, most got jobs when their children started school.

And now, I’ve got a toddler, but there’s 8 of us in my NCT group, and me and two of the other women work. The others do not. Three send their children to nursery two days a week anyway, the other two have them full time. Our toddlers are now a few months over 3, and nobody else has mentioned going back to work. They are definitely not breadline families but they’re not super well off, either.

SapphireSeptember · 05/03/2025 19:35

MaggieBsBoat · 05/03/2025 17:27

On a basic level usually the people who need UC are not ones going into well paid jobs after having a child. They’re the ones doing the jobs that keep society ticking over, invisibly working long hours, dealing with the public, doing dirty work. If they go back to work earning minimum wage then the tax payer picks up the bill anyway. Also those jobs are by and large not child friendly hours.
It’s a good job they are having kids, because we are running off a cliff. So on paper even though they shouldn’t be having kids- we need them to. Funding childcare from 3 months would be a better solution.

Edited

Three months? What? Who wants to stick their three month old in childcare?

Enigma52 · 05/03/2025 19:35

StepawayfromtheLindors · 05/03/2025 18:09

I wish we could have a thread bashing big companies or wealthy individuals who avoid paying tax. Threads like this which scapegoat the poorest are a poor attempt at deflecting attention away from the real financial baddies in our society.

Criticising women who want or need to look after their babies rather than thinking about how much HM tax office is owed from Amazon etc FGS 🤬

Yes, this exactly!

MsAnnFrope · 05/03/2025 19:36

toffeeappleturnip · 05/03/2025 17:32

Well many, many stay at home on UC AND also take advantage of the free nursery hours. So your value for money justification goes out the window.

How do you know? Do you work for DWP? Or ONS?

EdithBond · 05/03/2025 19:37

JenniferBooth · 05/03/2025 19:29

Childcare for four kids would be more than what she would be getting from the supermarket plus wage top ups = more than the out of work benefits Crazy!

Agree with your post

And it assumes parenting isn’t a job. Then mothers get bashed when they don’t attend parents’ ‘evenings’ (that start at 4pm) or have latch key kids who go off the rails.

All the evidence is clear: it’s women (mothers) who bear the brunt of welfare cuts.

Support welfare cuts if you wish, but don’t consider yourself a feminist. Don’t do sponsored sleep-outs for ‘the homeless’ as you’re part of the problem.

Drfosters · 05/03/2025 19:38

EdithBond · 05/03/2025 19:31

No it’s not.

For a family, the household benefit cap limit in London is £487 a week x 52 weeks = £25,324.

Average private rents for a two-bedroom place in London are between £2,254 and £3,915 per month. Even at the cheapest end of that range = £27,048 a year.

I’ll let you work out the rest.

a £25k net salary is equivalent of about £31k gross so someone working world need to be on a salary of £31k to be in the same position as someone getting those benefits. It is quite eye opening tbh.

Drfosters · 05/03/2025 19:40

SapphireSeptember · 05/03/2025 19:35

Three months? What? Who wants to stick their three month old in childcare?

I had to at about 4 months - I only got 6 weeks of maternity pay so I stretched out my holiday pay and had a month unpaid and then I was back at work. I took home a few hundred after childcare costs but it all contributed to the family funds and had the benefit of keeping my career going so in the long term I was able to earn more.

RaininSummer · 05/03/2025 19:41

The government website says the cap is 485.98 a month or 2110.25 a month which is the take home salary of around 31,000 a year according to the salary calculator as net income.

Fluffydolittle · 05/03/2025 19:42

Considering birth rates, it’s smart to encourage women to have children. Our government should actually be doing a lot more.

EdithBond · 05/03/2025 19:42

SapphireSeptember · 05/03/2025 19:35

Three months? What? Who wants to stick their three month old in childcare?

You’re benefit capped if you’re not working with a baby of any age, and that means you’ll be homeless.

We’re close to handing them over to a state nursery at birth and only seeing them at weekends.

Brave New World’s Epsilons were prophetic.

JenniferBooth · 05/03/2025 19:44

EdithBond · 05/03/2025 19:37

And it assumes parenting isn’t a job. Then mothers get bashed when they don’t attend parents’ ‘evenings’ (that start at 4pm) or have latch key kids who go off the rails.

All the evidence is clear: it’s women (mothers) who bear the brunt of welfare cuts.

Support welfare cuts if you wish, but don’t consider yourself a feminist. Don’t do sponsored sleep-outs for ‘the homeless’ as you’re part of the problem.

Its nuts Its that kind of ridiculous ideology thats bankrupting the country Childcare for 4 kids will be ££££££££££££ vs a Morrisons wage.

Mightymoog · 05/03/2025 19:44

SeeYouLaterCrocodile · 05/03/2025 17:21

It’s from nine months in September, but I haven’t heard of any corresponding changes to UC.

that's only for working parents

Sunnydays25 · 05/03/2025 19:45

Christmasandallthetrimmings · 05/03/2025 17:59

Try going back to work with a one year old who doesn't sleep through the night yet, still breastfeeding, with zero partner to share the household, parenting, mental and financial load with.

I went back to work when my DS was 6 months old, I was breastfeeding, he didn't sleep through the night, no partner.

It wasn't ideal, it would have been great to stay off work till he was 1 year, but single parents have to get on with things, like other parents. No need to drag us out to be pitied.

MaloryJones · 05/03/2025 19:45

WhatIsCorndogs · 05/03/2025 17:29

Can we stop with the benefits bashing on this website already?! Picking on the poorest and vulnerable AGAIN. Blame the politicians instead.

I agree

Even the WORD Benefits causes some to froth
That was all done on purpose as for YEARS it was called Social Security!!!

phoenixbiscuits · 05/03/2025 19:48

Knowing that if I lost my job when I was abandoned with a 1yo I wouldn't be completely destitute made me feel marginally less awful.

I cried so much. Applied for so many jobs just to maintain staying in work because I couldn't do shifts without childcare that doesn't exist. My career down the pan for circumstances I couldn't control.

Paying for childcare so people can maintain jobs has to be a good thing. If I didn't have subsided childcare, I couldn't afford to work. Now, I have managed to maintain a career and I will carry on earning money when my daughter no longer needs paid childcare.

goneaway2 · 05/03/2025 19:51

People seem to have forgotten that before Universal Credit there was Child tax credit, that people were actually encouraged by the government to claim and it certainly wasn't seen as shameful!

Gogogo12345 · 05/03/2025 19:51

Thereishope90 · 05/03/2025 18:10

Work coach here - you cannot chose to homeschool and not be expected to work search. You would only have work searching switched off if the child could not get a school placement.

parents are contacted when their child turns a year old - and 3 monthly work focused appointments are arranged. We will explore up skilling and child care. This is increased to monthly once the child turns two. Then work searching or attending courses for 30 hours a week when the child turns three.

Lack of childcare is an issue where I am as is work available that fits with childcare options. Not everyone has family support or the network. Many jobs require complete flexibility - particularly retail and hospitality.

I encourage my mums to upskill, upskill and up skill and get volunteer work under their belt.

Who looks after the kids while they do the volunteer work?

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