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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think money is the beginning and end of everything?

43 replies

MyWaryLimePoster · 05/03/2025 17:03

People love to say “money isn’t everything,” but isn’t that just something people with money say? It dictates where you live, what opportunities you have, your health, your stress levels - everything. Even relationships and friendships are influenced by it.

AIBU to think that no matter how much we try to romanticise life, money is the root of it all?

OP posts:
pastaandpesto · 05/03/2025 18:16

Also, even though money doesn't stop utterly shit things from happening to someone, it can still act as a cushion.

One of our DC's has a lifelong condition which impacts them every single day and is likely to hugely limit their life. Would I swap our very comfortable lifestyle for poverty if I could take that condition away from them? In a heartbeat. But does have money and choices make our reality easier to bear? Yes, absolutely it does.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 05/03/2025 18:18

It makes life a lot easier but. My mum is very comfortably off indeed and she’s so sad since my dad died. It gave my Dad a lot of comfort in his final days to know he had left her so well provided for. But we’d rather have him.

EBearhug · 05/03/2025 18:23

It matters hugely. I don't think it's totally the be-all and end-all, but it is very important.

It gives you choices over where you can live, what transport you use - I'm no longer restricted to jobs in walking distance of public transport connected to cheap shared rentals as I was when first out of uni,for example. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to cover the bills at the end of the month, which is hugely freeing. I don't have to worry about the washing machine or fridge failing because I have enough saved (and as my wm is about 18 years old, I'm likely to have to replace it soon.)

But as has been pointed out, once you've got enough not to worry about bills and emergencies, a few treats from time to time, more money after thst won't make you happier, and it's true it can't buy you love. Well, not real love.

Stillplodding · 05/03/2025 18:25

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 05/03/2025 18:18

It makes life a lot easier but. My mum is very comfortably off indeed and she’s so sad since my dad died. It gave my Dad a lot of comfort in his final days to know he had left her so well provided for. But we’d rather have him.

We’re in the same situation and feel exactly the same.

My mum owns her home outright and more money than she’s likely to spend in her lifetime. But she’s so sad and lonely

Meadowfinch · 05/03/2025 18:37

ssd · 05/03/2025 17:59

The only person who insists money doesn't count is married to a very high earner. We are just above minimum wage here and she must know she's talking shite, surely?

Not true. I'm not married to anyone but I couldn't give a toot about money.

Having said that, I've never needed a man as a meal ticket.

I'm far from wealthy but I earn a liveable salary, own my home and am able to provide comfortably for me & ds.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 05/03/2025 18:41

People who say that are rarely the ones going hungry.

UpsideDownChairs · 05/03/2025 18:50

YaNBU - sure you can be poor and happy, but it's a darn sight easier if you're not worrying about the electricity bill or whether you can afford the shopping this week or a new coat for winter.

My aim in life has always been to a) be able to go to the supermarket and not care about what the total is and b) be able to get a 100 quid purchase without thinking, a 1000 quid purchase without thinking for very long, and a 10k purchase is possible (but obviously not on a whim)

To me, that's a good level of financial independence to have, and anything more than that is just icing on the cake.

MsCactus · 05/03/2025 18:52

pastaandpesto · 05/03/2025 17:53

The link between wealth and happiness has been well studied (to the extent that it isn't really a even question).

Broadly, levels of happiness increase in direct proportion to income up to a certain tipping point. After that, there are negligible gains in happiness as income increases further, or even a decrease in happiness, depending on which study you look at.

Basically - being poor is shit for obvious reasons, but people who are hugely wealthy are not typically happier (and may be less happy) than those with moderate wealth.

This is the answer. Poverty is obviously awful, but being wealthy doesn't solve all your problems. It's not a super power.

You can still wake up and hate your life, deal with chronic pain or a life-limiting illness, infertility or any number of horrible life events that your money isn't going to help you with. I work with lots of multimillionaires and they're not happier than your typical person - but they are happier than those in poverty.

Notverygoodatusernames · 05/03/2025 18:58

I agree OP. I’ve had two breakdowns. The one where I had a well-paid job and could afford therapy and massages to help de-stress was a heck of a lot easier to recover from than the one where I was on a low wage and massively in debt.

DoYouReally · 05/03/2025 19:07

Money certainly helps but no it's not everything and often comes with a cost.

There's a lot of people who have left abusive, controlling, unsafe situations and have less money but far more comfort, peace of mind and safety.

I know a lot of people with very little who are happy and some really miserable wealthy people.

Odras · 05/03/2025 19:12

i’m fine being comfortable-wise with regards to our income. We don’t have to penny pinch or worry about it. I’d pick my health over extra money any day

Truetoself · 05/03/2025 19:19

I think poor people who don't know they are poor and don't have access to social media and who live a healthy physical life can be happy ....

But if you are living in the modern world with social media, money can definitely buy a certain level of happiness

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 05/03/2025 19:22

People misinterpret what it means.

Money is everything to someone who has none or doesn't have enough. However, it doesn't solve some issues. A lack of love, grief, depression etc are universal.

Money doesn't solve that but the majority of problems in poverty? Money solves that. Money can solve 90% of my current problems. I have some money but nothing spare at the end of the month. The security more money would bring cannot be underestimated in relation to my mental wellbeing.

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 05/03/2025 19:33

Meadowfinch · 05/03/2025 18:37

Not true. I'm not married to anyone but I couldn't give a toot about money.

Having said that, I've never needed a man as a meal ticket.

I'm far from wealthy but I earn a liveable salary, own my home and am able to provide comfortably for me & ds.

But you've just admitted that you are comfortable enough to provide for yourself and your children, so you have enough. There's a huge difference between that and someone on the bones of their arse poor in terms of happiness, stress, qualify of life, everything.

Money is not the be all and end all, but having 'enough' makes a hell of a difference in life.

VIPNanny · 05/03/2025 23:18

I would slightly disagree but mainly because I was born dirt poor, grew up broke and was broke up until fairly recently and now earn very well and do spend a fair bit of time with people who have multiple millions/billions in the bank (not my case mind you!!!) and so feel I have seen and lived through most sides of the coin.

Money, once you get to a certain point (having enough for bills and all the basic necessities + leisure), only has as much power as you give it, and often can become quite detrimental, in a similar way to not having money. I also think mindset plays a big part in quality of life and all the things you mention.

for example:

Where you live: yes, someone with money has more options in terms of where to live but it comes at a cost, the better the neighborhood the higher the mortgage/rent so the salary vs rent or mortgage ratio might be very similar to someone on minimum wage paying rent in a cheaper neighborhood. I also feel people will overstretch themselves economically irrelevant of their economical situation to keep up with the Jones by always trying to live in the « better neighborhood ». All my friends on minimum wage live in a better neighborhood than me even though I earn 10x what they do and could afford the best neighborhood. It just didn’t make financial sense for me to reduce the gap between my salary and rent/mortgage forcing me to always earn above a certain threshold just to be 15 minutes closer to the hyper center of the beach. Yet most people make that choice and therefore feel poorer than they are.

What opportunities you have:

Honestly I had more opportunities when I was broke. When I was broke and was earning minimum wage or more often than not below minimum wage, everything was an opportunity, an opportunity to earn even just a little bit more, or a lot more, or to learn something new or do something new while earning the same without needing a crazy amount of experience etc… because it’s a minimum wage job anyway.

Currently I am at the peak of my salary. I very much doubt I could earn more nor that I will (nor do I want to I think). So I am stuck. It’s either this forever (and I am burned out and starting to be massively miserable), or accepting I will always earn less or likely will go back to minimum wage. Why? Because you can’t jump into high paying positions without the background to back you up. You need start from the ground up again. So if I want to do something else I need to start from the bottom. When you are the bottom, it’s easier to shift gear, because all you can do is climb up anyway.

that’s why it’s interesting to see people miserable in minimum wage jobs and yet feeling “stuck”. I feel it’s hard to be stuck when on minimum wage because almost any other job will pay you that, so what’s the risk in trying something new? When you earn a lot, and have outgoings that usually go with your current salary it’s a lot harder to jump ship, and dare try something new and take the financial hit.

your health:

Now I earn well I have private insurance and I must say it’s nice but I am from a country that has a nice public health system and was in it for most of my life so honestly don’t feel my health affected by my bank account. I am conscious that having the money to pay for private can be the difference in terms of time between symptoms and diagnosis and treatment options etc… and that is BIG.

on the other hand I also feel like most people don’t care about their health nor their economical situation regarding their health. Many people who don’t have much money still spend a lot of money on unhealthy stuff (beer, sweets, fast food, cigarettes, takeaways etc…) despite knowing that those things are expensive and not necessary/nutritious and many people who have money to buy all those things without it impacting their finances will still prefer more healthy options. Plenty of free ways to work out and excercise and many don’t.

like yes, money can buy you a better health coverage but health is also in actions. I say this while I am queen of ordering fast food and signing up to the gym and showing up only once a year. But I am aware it’s me choosing to be unhealthy.

your stress levels - everything.

Stress is impacted by many things. Not making ends meet is stressful, working 14hours+ days is stressful, having a company where people’s wages and employment depends on you is likely stressful.

In the end stress can also very much be correlated to the amount of money you need to go through the month.

Someone unemployed or on a low wage who is £200 short every month, will be very stressed.

someone whose outgoings are £4000 and whose job they are about to lose will be very stressed also.

someone whose company is not doing well and know they need a cash flow of 100k per month to make sure all their employees get paid will also be very stressed.

In the end all those scenarios are stressful, and it’s a different kind of stress. £200 is slightly easier to borrow or find than £4000 or 100k. In the end stress evolve with money. I somehow feel more stressed now that I earn well despite spending well below my means, because I know that even then my outgoings/ taxes (especially) are a lot. And to keep up with them I am stuck having to keep a certain amount of money coming in. And those are very different figures to the amount I needed to make sure I had at the end of the month when I was broke, it was still highly stressful then but the amount I needed each month seemed more accessible than the amount I need now. And that increases the stress by a lot and keep me in abusive positions for longer than it would then, which is also stressful.

Even relationships and friendships are influenced by it:

I would say that’s highly dependent on your personality? For example I have kept all the same friends I had when I was dirt broke, Many of them don’t even know my salary has evolved to what it is and I don’t think they would be able to tell, I like the same things I used to like, I do the same things, wear the same clothes have the same conversations, live in the same kind of neighborhood (and my car is old).

Money influences what you let it influence. Money has never got in the way of my friendships but in terms of relationship I am very wary of protecting myself financially and I am attracted to people who do the same, I would rather someone poor but with good budgeting skill than someone on a high salary throwing money at the wind like it’s Monopoly money.

I think money is a tool I don’t think it’s a personality trait but I do think some people make it a personality trait and that determine a lot of the above.

Fairyladyonwheels · 14/04/2025 11:51

Money is like oxygen, without it life is crap, been there and I know what it is like. No joys.

Augustus40 · 14/04/2025 11:52

It has been shown in surveys that those enjoying high incomes are the happiest.

I just wish I was one of them!

Christmastreegremlin · 14/04/2025 12:23

I'd estimate 98% of my worries now and for the future would be solved if I won the lottery.

Money really is the solution to nearly everything.

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