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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clawing back some of me

4 replies

KittyLeR · 05/03/2025 14:47

Hello, just hoping to get some opinions on the below. So we all know how overwhelming it can be having young kids and trying to be the best mummy you can be, while working full time and trying to stay healthy etc etc. Recently I stopped breastfeeding my youngest who is 2. I am slowly starting to feel a bit more like myself and gain some confidence back after being pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 6 years.

As a result of this and being able to leave the kids a bit more. I’ve started catching up with friends a bit more, 80% of the time it’s when they go to bed.

My question is how often do you think it’s reasonable to go out? I go to the gym twice a week, a walk with friends once a week after bed and then I’ve been going out for a proper night 1-2 nights a month with friends. Would you consider this excessive? TBH I need it for my mental health but I think my partner is getting a bit annoyed. I feel suffocated if I don’t get time for myself and to be able to decompress and I feel guilty. However, I don’t feel it affects my kids as they are in bed and the next day I’m up and out doing things with them as normal.

OP posts:
Strawberrycheesecake7 · 05/03/2025 14:54

It doesn’t sound excessive to me but it depends a bit on how much time your partner has to himself. If he has equal opportunities to go out with friends or to the gym ect then he shouldn’t be complaining that you have the same. But if he’s always expected to be home looking after the children when not at work but you go out regularly then I can see why he might be annoyed.

HundredPercentUnsure · 05/03/2025 14:58

However, I don’t feel it affects my kids as they are in bed and the next day I’m up and out doing things with them as normal.

It doesn't sound like it affects your kids, but it does sound like it is affecting your partner and in the long run, your relationship.

You should try and share your time fairly between:
You alone time
You and partner time
You and friends time
You and kids time, family time.

Things to consider..
Does your partner get the same amount of down time to himself that you do?

Do you spend as much time with your partner, working on your relationship/socialising together, as you do with your friends? I don't mean just sat in front of the TV doomscrolling in close proximity, I mean going out for dinner (heck, staying in together and having a date meal at home), playing a board game together, going for a walk together, just doing things together.

There needs to be a balance I think otherwise resentment might set in.

Original poster
KittyLeR · 05/03/2025 15:40

He goes running so he gets exercise yes. As for socially yes he gets out whenever he wants and I actively encourage him to do so l, to the point I’ve tried to arrange things for him. He has a good few things coming up, including nights away with mates. He plays football with mates. We try to get a balance but tbh a lot of the time he doesn’t want to go out. A lot of the nights I go to I want him to come with me, or buy him tickets, but he recently told me to stop buying him tickets to things he doesn’t want to go to. As for time together, we find it very hard to get nights out together as we are limited with babysitters. I’d say we get a night together every other month. In the house he just sits on his phone and shuts down after dinner and bedtime as it’s so stressful. My outlet is walking or exercise during the week whereas he just wants to sit in his own on his phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyLeR · 21/03/2025 23:29

KittyLeR · 05/03/2025 15:40

He goes running so he gets exercise yes. As for socially yes he gets out whenever he wants and I actively encourage him to do so l, to the point I’ve tried to arrange things for him. He has a good few things coming up, including nights away with mates. He plays football with mates. We try to get a balance but tbh a lot of the time he doesn’t want to go out. A lot of the nights I go to I want him to come with me, or buy him tickets, but he recently told me to stop buying him tickets to things he doesn’t want to go to. As for time together, we find it very hard to get nights out together as we are limited with babysitters. I’d say we get a night together every other month. In the house he just sits on his phone and shuts down after dinner and bedtime as it’s so stressful. My outlet is walking or exercise during the week whereas he just wants to sit in his own on his phone.

Any more opinions on this?

OP posts:
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